Ashes: Skool Trip Repawt from Lawdz

Hi agin Nakkas.  It is I, Shane Molesworth (curs of St Custards and gurila of 3B), riting to u agin from skool trip to Inglind.

I no I hav meny frenz among Nakkas, eksept for Flinn hoo is fule who teech maffs.  I can tell him mi bank akkount hav mor numbas than his, so hoo is maffs genius, huh?

And Dips, hoo only run fast in Stall Gift koz hiz fathu trane him on likorish.  He run strate throo tape and keep going to lavvie, koz of how much likorish he made to eet.

And Harms is frend of Cowin, hoo is swot and spend orl hiz time riting homework.  I tel him that was old hedmaster, but he not kare.

Skool have nu hedmaster, wot is old boy called Mr Boof.  Much bitta than horribul tof Mikki from Souf Afriku.  Boof say I am his #1 batter, coz rest of teem is usless showar.

We pla at Lawds, wot is home of crikut.  Full of old geezaz wot ware Gold Kost Sunz ties.  Old geezaz woz smiling all day wen they here that Colingwood got beeten.  No wunda MOC rite such grumpy stuf on Nakka website.  Mr Boof remind him of Gazza.

Mee, I am larfing all way to bank.  Meedja fules say I uze DRS too much.  They not no that I hav sponsa deel wiv Hork I makerz.  They tel me that I get muney everi time Hork I and DRS is in nuwz.  Sa enee nuws iz good nuws for salez.

Fat Greek Fule from AFL even buy Hork I from them coz of mee.  TV luv Hork I coz there is maw time for adz, and long brakes make fanz angry and drink maw beer.  Sponsaz happi.  AFL pay milliunz, faw teknologi wot any fule no duz not work.  Giv mee owt agin wen Rogerz tel mee bawl woz missing leg by heepz.  Rogerz is much betta frend than Cowin, hoo neva get ova skool inishian wiv hed in toylet bowl at MCG.  Rogerz is smart.  Alwayz tell mee I is grate and neva out.

Eneway wot I kare.  Hork I pay mee 10% of AFL deel, coz of all my publicitee work faw them.

Hed boy Grabba Clark iz captane of everething ezpeshally crikut, and winna of the mrs joyful prize for rafia wurk.  He clap handz and say thingz lik “pla up, pla up and pla the game boyz”.  No wun is lissening.  We orl just wont urlee mark from klass so we kan meet Paje 3 gurlz from St Trinians bak at hotel.

Thanx agin to all Nakkas for support.  Will rite agen wen spel chekka iz fixed.


Shane Molesworth (Hero of St Custards and gurila of 3B)


  1. Tony Roberts says

    How unkind of you! Shane Watson is as product of the finest grammar school in the hometown of Pauline Hanson; a man of impeccable education and culture. And he has the fervent support of a great ‘real’ Australian – an esteemed former English master (no mere teachers at these schools) at none other than the Kings School, Parramatta.

    According to Monday’s ‘Financial Review’, Watto was the beneficiary of a 20-minute talkback tirade against his tormentor Michael Clarke (‘common Westie’ in Sydney parlance) by Alan Jones, who described our hero as ‘a simple Ipswich boy’ (is there an Ipswich in Shropshire? – let’s ask the ghost of AE Houseman). The Fin said that Jones wasn’t so moved by an Aussie athlete since Dean Capobianco won at Stawell in 1991.

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