Almanac Trade Week

The proprietors of the Footy Almanac are proud to announce that they are collaborating with the AFL to operate the first ever Footy Writers Trade Week. Almanac Operations Manager Ned Wilson said that the Almanac’s long standing salary cap (everyone gets nothing) had not resulted in the even spread of writing talent that the Editors were aiming for.

Geelong have an ageing list (Harms, Dips, Flynn etc) and the club has decided to trade Harms (along with Stevie J) to Richmond in exchange for Callum O’Connor. Harms at the Tigers will be good for football, and his golfing and punting history shows that he is most comfortable with gallant failure.   A Geelong spokesman said “we see young Callum as the Paddy of the pen, and believe he can write a new chapter in the Cat’s proud history.”

The Bulldogs need height so they have traded Gigs and a first round draft pick to Collingwood for E.Regnans and Luke Reynold’s first born.

The Demons are desperate to improve their finances and supporter base. They have offered to send Paul Roos to Adelaide in exchange for Rulebook Ashwood and his raffle book.

Rick Kane is being traded to the Bulldogs as an exercise in humility, in exchange for Neil Anderson who is replacing Brian Lake at Hawthorn. Neil‘s 60 years experience at the Western Oval will be invaluable in evening up the competition.

Sydney have had to offload some of their stars as a result of losing their Cost of Living Allowance. Mathilde de Hauteclocque is going to St Kilda in exchange for Yvette Wroby who is used to writing for little reward.

The talent pool is threadbare at Visy Park and Carlton have decided to rebuild from scratch with John Butler following Jarrod Waite to Arden Street, in return for Josh Barnstable. Woosha has made a bid for the People’s Elbow at Essendon.  The new look Bombers need a spin doctor who can write through brick walls without performance enhancing drugs.

The Avenging Eagle has expressed a strong interest in Peter Baulderstone “going home”. She and the West Coast Eagles have asked for Mickey Randall and a year’s supply of Bleasedale Sparkling Shiraz in exchange.  The Adelaide Crows are holding out with an offer of only Dave Brown and a second rate draught pick (West End).

Mr Wilson said that many Almanac readers will be sad to see their old favourites changing clubs, but in the era of social media we have to accept that footy writing is now a business not a sport.

 

==

Check out our new sports writing magazine Long Bombs to Snake:

longbombscover

Long Bombs to Snake is now available. For table of contents and purchase details CLICK ON THE COVER IMAGE

Comments

  1. The People's Elbow says:

    Go Bombers…

  2. E.regnans says:

    When do I start?

  3. When do the new contracts commence? After the Almanac launch I hope. Trucker Slim and I need to sing “horses” with Hugh and Brice.

  4. Dave Brown says:

    I for one welcome our Eagle overlords

  5. Malcolm Ashwood says:

    Great stuff PB go the dees but I hate skiing ?

  6. I heard a whisper that old mate M. de Hauteclocque is making the move to Corio Bay!

  7. ned_wilson says:

    Magnificent. The bombers are asking about Dips – they have spotted his unique mix of outside run and ability with a spreadsheet.

  8. Trucker Slim says:

    Humility? It’s over-valued and under-priced. I’m looking forward to my time at Footscray, an up and coming side. Who knows, this winning streak could go on foreva!

  9. Luke Reynolds says:

    We are negotiations with Collingwood for my second born for a long-term, Buddy-like contract. Unlike his older brother he wants to be a one club writer.

  10. Neil Anderson says:

    So you want to trade someone to Hawthorn who has never got a kick, handball or goal in his sixty years at the Western Oval.
    That’s what I call evening up the competition!

  11. Even though I’ve been traded to Collingwood, I won’t be for the Magpies, I’ll be writing against them.

  12. Very happy to be traded to the Eagles along with a year’s supply of sparkling shiraz, but as the old Dave Allen joke goes, do you mind if I strain it through my kidneys first?

  13. D. Nadel and a copy of Das Kapital to Carlton for Tonies Robb and Reed.

  14. The Wrap (retired from Richmond) seconded to AFL House on a senior re-education program.

  15. Mathilde de Hauteclocque says:

    I can’t say too much at this stage, Dips. Have been approached by both sides of the bay. At least with the Sainters I’d just have to texta the black stripe in, which as PB has pointed out is about all we can afford up here …

  16. Matt Quartermaine says:

    I’m going on the rookie list to write kids books for Ned’s brother.

  17. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says:

    I’m going back to the SANFL. I hear Centrals are after a combined historian / parole board liaison assistant.

    Just waiting for Gary Window to be appointed coach and Rick Vidovich to return as goalsneak and I’ll be over like a shot.

    I’ll settle for a 2016 premiership port and a bag of donuts from the caravan near the Sonny Morey lounge.

  18. Thanks everyone for joining in the spirit of the piece and adding to the (self) mockery. The great thing about the Almanac community is that noone (Hawks excepted) take themselves too seriously.
    I am so looking forward to the Book Launch photo this year with the Official Jumper Exchange team colours. Sort of like Darrel Baldock in Des Tuddenham’s Collingwood jumper accepting the ’66 Premiership Cup X100.
    Trade Week/Fortnight totally gives me the shits. I love sport as an escape from the drudgery and meanness of the everyday. Trade Week combines Kardashian celebrity gossip with Stock Market technical analysis (what is the Yuan:Pick 47 exchange rate today?) and Horse Racing crystal ball gazing.
    If you can’t beat ’em; mock ’em.

  19. sorry Swish – Wilbur and Gary Jones have coralled the donut van.

  20. I reckon I will put myself on the market as an unrestricted free agent.
    Me, and old mate Jarrad Waite.

  21. Jennifer Muirden says:

    Perhaps I should be traded to the Hawthorn Hawks to finally get a feel for what it feels like to secure multiple Premierships!!!!

  22. Rick Kane says:

    Ms Muirden, we’re the family club and we welcome one and all. And we win Premierships!

  23. Love it

Leave a Comment

*