Almanac Television: Worried At First Sight
The setting is Channel Nine HQ Sydney. A pre-production meeting for season ten of Married at First Sight. Present is the producer and one of the so called experts.
Producer – Right, we know why we are here.
Expert – Yes, to find true, long lasting relationships for previously heartbroken young men and women.
Producer – Forget that. We need as many dysfunctional, delusional idiots as you can find that we can ply with booze in order to disgrace themselves on national television.
Expert – Right. No probs.
And here we go again. The highest rating show on TV is back and once again becomes the chief ‘water cooler’ topic of conversation, that is if anyone is actually back in the office.
I’ve been racking my brain as to why this lowbrow piece of trash is watched by my friends and my partner who is one of the most intelligent people I’ve ever met.
I’ve come to the conclusion that if you’re my age, say over 50, there’s a fair chance you’ve had some traumatic and often expensive relationship break-ups along the way.
Witnessing these naïve fools dive head-first into a so called experiment with a 99% fail rate, somehow makes us feel better. From the first nine seasons of this show, only four couples have stuck it out.
So, what I was thinking is to pitch an idea to Channel Nine as if they genuinely want these contestants to find true happiness and not humiliate themselves and their families for eternity.
It’s much the same format but when the couples return from their honeymoon they then go to a ‘real life married scenario’ in the state of their choice for three months.
No drunken dinner parties, wife swapping, bullying, gaslighting, none of that. If they are serious about committing to the premise of marriage then this is the best course of action.
Each couple will be given their own ‘spec’ home, partially landscaped in the following suburbs, given none of the couples can afford to buy in the city:
- Packenham, Vic
- Macquarie Fields, NSW
- Logan, Qld
- Salisbury, SA
- Mandurah, WA
To ensure the family experience is complete, each couple will have two foster kids of varying ages thrown into the mix for the three months.
Before long they will discover what life is really like cleaning, cooking, paying off a mortgage and bills, taking the kids to school and sport, and why your partner spends so much time out with friends or on the phone.
Married at First Sight proports to be a serious social experiment where real challenges of married life are squeezed into a pressure cooker environment.
This of course is a complete fallacy, so Channel Nine just own up to what it really is, clickbait for the disenfranchised masses and a distraction from the mundane.
You want reality TV? Stick ‘em in the suburbs. But no one would watch that right?
About Ian Wilson
Former army aircraft mechanic, sales manager, VFA footballer and coach. Now mental health worker and blogger. Lifelong St Kilda FC tragic and father to 2 x girls.
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I remember the first “Married at First Sight”. It was a radio segment conducted by Wendy Harmer, who should have known better, in 1998-99.
The happy couple were introduced to each other, got a “commitment ceremony”, and were whisked away to a honeymoon in Paris. Soon there were rumours of trouble in paradise, so Wendy was sent to Paris by “A Current Affair” to smooth things over for the not so happy couple. Sadly things did not work out and they went their separate ways.
But once they got back to Australia things really got most interesting. First the “bride” already had a boyfriend and was only doing the show for publicity and a free trip to Paris. Then, she got a leaf tattoo on her ankle (her name was Leif) which she was trying to conceal from her mum. Then she announced she was posing for Playboy – you remember the ill fated Australian Playboy with the ordinary pictorials.
When the pictures came out “A Current Affair” interviewed the “groom”. He looked like a stunned mullet that somebody had shot. He stared into the camera and said that HE would never have allowed her to do that!
I thought to myself: “Mate, she was never yours in the first place to tell her anything.”
Life can be more bizarre than fiction…
Hahaha. I wasn’t aware that the concept went back that far George. Clearly the level of tackiness hasn’t changed! many thanks for the feedback. Cheers
Hi Ian
Breath in, breath out, chill. I think you’re going a bit hard on the “purports” and “experiment” angle.
Your idea for a show sounds a lot like Wife Swap, an idea TV production companies have already milked, I mean run.
30 Rock sent up the absurdity of the reality tv genre and its money grubbing greed to throw up any idea whatsoever to see what money could be extracted from viewer numbers and advertising. There was an essay looking back at 30 Rock’s fictional reality shows (my fave MILF Island) and it found that a lot of those ridiculous ideas had, since 30 Rock was on telly, been created as identical or close to identical shows. Which begs the question the postmodern theorist Baudrillard posed at least 40 years ago, in his conception of Simulacra and Simulation, what is reality and what is your version and my version of reality, blurring the lines almost completely. He noted in the first Iraq war, in 1991 that the US TV company that most covered that war, was owned by the Ammunition company that supplied the US military with its weapons. On a much smaller scale a friend in the 80s broke up with a girlfriend at a party so he grabbed a bottle of wine and headed to a local park. he was sitting drinking wine feeling sorry for himself when the thought occurred, was he doing this because this is how he felt or because he had seen the same thing it in a movie.
I think the interest and fascination MAFS fans have of the show is how it reflects the human condition, especially from a female perspective. I think fans know its not an experiment just as we all know it isn’t “world” championship wrestling, “Miss Universe” and cricket’s endless emphasis on “World” competitions. I never watched Westerns thinking they were an anthropological exploration of a time and place in American history. We watch and read what we do because of our connection, real or otherwise, to others. We accept the manipulative aspects (editing, who is chosen as contestants, what activities they have to engage) begrudgingly just the same way we accept that the AFL is ridiculously unfair. Because we are interested in the game itself.
For my money, MAFS repulses me yet keeps drawing me in. The repulsion is the money making and what I perceive as the cruelty of the producers just to make more money. I have very similar feelings about the AFL, FIFA and other organisations that run sports competitions responsible for sports I love. But I watch MAFS because I can identify and connect with many of the contestants and their poor and good decisions. I have been impressed this season with the way disability has been discussed, as one small example.
Now I need to breath in, breath out and chill!
Cheers
Thanks Rick. I think you know my rant is clearly tongue in cheek. The great Bill Hicks had a similar obsession with the show Cops. Like a sore tooth, he couldn’t stop touching it. I wasn’t a 30 Rock watcher but I like the idea of MILF Island! I understand how you feel about the AFL. I wish it could have just remained at the behest of The Winners and the Dougs, Heywood and Bigalow. Instead it’s ex-players and their incessant name dropping which has no relevance to our game. Thanks for this highly thoughtful feedback. I’m glad I was able to provoke something in you! Cheers mate
No worries Ian, highly recommend 30 Rock!