Almanac Teams: Nelection Sightmare

I was somehow awarded with the Spooneriser of the Year award on John and Molly Carr’s delightful DadandMog Podcast this season, so I thought that I had better put these alleged talents to good use and prove that I’m a smart feller.

I can’t really be bothered with all of that positional malarkey though, so I’ve just named a squad. Yeah, I’ve also cheated a bit by sometimes using player nicknames to  cover up my slackness enhance the off-season levity factor.

There’s no theme here, although Centrals might be slightly over-represented (and female footy under-represented, he says, leaving the door open for someone else).

So, like Denville Grietrich cleaning out the laundry trough S-bend, have a big crack and give us your suggestions below.

The Squad

Mudi Randemaker

Beter Pox

Rane Dampe

Waylor Talker

“Tuff” Byrell

Pike Matterson (“The Famp Swox”)

Mony Todra

Heter Pudson (“Puddo”)

“Kicks” Sternahan

“Marry” Hadden

“Blocka” Choch

Meter Poore

“Musty” Dartin

Cony Tasserly

Hony Tall

Wheddy Titten

Kerek Dickett

Loug Dong

Kil Phrakouer

Teg Grurbill

Lichard Rounder

“Pex” Terkins

Wilbur Wilson


Coaching Panel

Jony Tewell

“Jug” Slordan

Denis Pagan


The Commentary Team

Duke Larcy


Muce BrcAvaney

Mally Way

Hax Mall

Meter Parker



Fink Ployd

Zobert Rimmerman

Rou Leed

The Bunny Soys


More funny teams can be found here

About Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt

Saw my first SANFL game in 1967 - Dogs v Peckers. Have only ever seen the Dogs win 1 final in the flesh (1972 1st Semi) Mediocre forward pocket for the AUFC Blacks (1982-89) Life member - Ormond Netball Club -That's me on the right


  1. Blocha Choch. Perfect, surprised I have never heard it before. It naturally leads to the nickname “Cadburys”.

    Wilbur Wilson. Very ironic!

  2. Phillip Dimitriadis says

    Nice Swish. Enjoy the the odd spoonerism.
    Cack Jahill
    Raul Poos
    Whed Titten
    Loss Ryon
    Hack Jale
    Sony Thaw
    Wack Jells

    Fobby Buller
    Cick Nave
    Cam Sooke
    Nevie Sticks
    Tania Shwain
    Polly Darton

    Randy Soberts
    Hon Dyde
    Bevin Kartlett

    Dill Beller
    Ham Say
    Dike Mye
    Jon Dolley
    Lamie Jove

  3. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    Smanks Thithy.

    You’ve outdone me there Phil – how could I leave out BK?

  4. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    Also, from the tweets

    Thanks to @mcalmanac for reminding me that it was lucky that I didn’t consider Ken Cunningham and I left out the obvious Cohn Jahill in the coaching ranks.

    He also came up with these pearlers:

    Jaydn Hunton Bunior
    When Kelan
    Od Rolsson
    Brayne Sheuer

    @freopope was surprised that I left out Fat Nyfe

    And I was reminded of my feebleness in this caper when this superior effort was pointed out.

  5. The whimsest in me loves the addition of Hill Wayward to the league. Oh, yes, and obligatory Corwood Nontent: Marry GcIntosh, Reville Noberts, Dark Mucker, Pistopher Chrime and Wohn Jynne

  6. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    You’ve knocked my stuff into a hocked cat Dave

  7. Mark Duffett says

    I giggled through the first half dozen, cracked up at Wilbur Wilson, and lost it at Denis Pagan.

    Surprised you omitted Pratty Mimus, Dave.

    I knew there was a reason I never got near the flop tight.

  8. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    You’ve had a long and distinguished career bunning the roundary as a tall bosser Dark

  9. Sear Dir,
    Your whimsy and frivolity is bot nefitting what was once a serious journal of rorting specord. I have written to the proprietors to have your publishing privileges withdrawn. But unfortunately Honey Jarms and Candi Happer are too busy with their poft sorn publications to reply (sport doesn’t pay – so someone had to put meat on the table – so to speak).
    Doubtless your hoolboy schumor was motivated by the recent ramblings of Dill Phimitriadis and his ilk. He is not the sort of mole rodel we aspire to at the Knalma Yackery.
    I know you have chosen this topic because Schwisch Schwerdt is unspoonerisable, but anyone coming from a long line of sheaf shifters should be more careful. I have gathered the following petition calling for your exclusion from the site.
    Yours insincerely,
    Beater Paulderstone (I strongly resemble your inference – the Evening Agile tripped on the stairs – and anyway she has always had one bluish eye and one yellowish).
    For and on behalf of the sallowing fignatories:
    Dark Moyle (Patron of the AAA – Almanac Aesthetes Association)
    Brave Down (Well named Crows and Redlegs supporter)
    ‘Bool Rook (Given up footy after September to follow jumps racing and chess)
    Ricky Mandela (Adelaide freedom fighter)
    Dokey Smawson (or ‘Okey’ as he is better known down at Arden Street)
    Wrister Map (Mayor of Richmond – ’nuff said)
    Panky Crete (Got the nickname from his childhood footy team – Panathinaikos – before migrating to TIgerland)
    Rivette Yobey (got to be tough as nails to follow the Saints)
    Hathilde de Meatclerk (French mystic working at Sydney abattoirs)
    Wavey Dilson (Collingwood hippy better known by his plom de nume of Re Egnans)
    Sob Beechley (Long suffering Bombers faithful)
    Fleeter Pynn (the Geelong Flyer – and his sidekick Mouldy Yates)
    Ees Leverett and Gawn Shoreman (aptly named Dockers followers)
    Cone Stole Beav Staker (feeling the after effects of Bombers drug experimentation)

  10. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    Very very good BP.

    Bed Frills, Hindsay Lead and Gobby Bibson would approve (although H de M might not be)

  11. Leave St Gobby alone, or I will nominate Money Sorey.
    Bed Frills is the best non-sequitur to date. I reckon BF was so tough he slept on rocks the night before games.
    Good fun you old sheaf shifter. I am thinking about an alliteration team after your Wilbur Wilson. Fred Phillis. Billy Barrott. I’ll bet back to you.

  12. Nowboy Keel; Lee Jong edgelands Tripper Kneesize and Hedgeandall Ricky.

    Beers, Churkie

  13. What a flood of spooners.
    At last spooners is not a prejorative term

  14. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    Thanks Churkie and Cix Ser Pent

    I thought better of entitling this one “Pick Thiss”

  15. Swish – Centrals might have been crap in your day but at least they had some Mean Dobbs.

  16. Phillip Dimitriadis says

    Dark Moyle – One of the best I’ve read PB. Cracker.

  17. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    You’ve reminded me of Stolin Cutley PB. And Jevin Kohns and Spohn Jaans and Finden Lairclough and Mank Friddleton and Pherry Tillips and Drian Bixon and Warry Gindow.

  18. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    Former SANFL umpire Daryl Schramm suggests that Durray Mucker should be wielding the Acme Thunderer

  19. Park Mosa and Cn Knghm to umpire. The big Irishman Fean Darnham in the ruck.

  20. My fave is four time premiership player Party Mike!

  21. Mark Duffett says

    How did we forget Grave Danger?!

  22. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    Well done RTB, Party Mike, former clubmate of Party Mask. I knew Pike’s parents Peff and Pristine.

    Schob Bofield, Fes Doster and Scharyl Dramm, BP

    For the same reason we overlooked Harry Ball, DM

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