Almanac Soccer: No Farting Allowed in the Round Ball Game

The undermentioned are taken from this Saturday’s Peter Fitzsimons’ weekly Sydney Morning Herald sporting column The Fitz Files, which I’m pretty sure is only published in NSW. If I’m correct, then to those south of the border: Enjoy!

Swedish soccer player Adam Lindin Ljungkvist, explains why he was shown the yellow card: “I just did a perfectly innocent fart, and got sent off for it. The referee said that it was unsportsmanlike behaviour …” The final word on “back-chatting” the referee, surely?

Opposition striker Kristoffer Linde was a nearby witness: “I was standing a good distance away but I heard the fart loud and clear. It’s the strangest thing I’ve seen on a pitch, and I’ve been playing football since I was eight years old.”

The referee, Dany Kako, would not back off: “I perceived it as deliberate provocation. He did it on purpose and it was inappropriate. Therefore, he received a yellow card.”

About Jan Courtin

A Bloods tragic since first game at Lake Oval in 1948. Moved interstate to Sydney to be closer to beloved Swans in 1998. My book "My Lifelong Love Affair with the Swans" was launched by the Swans at their headquarters at the SCG in August 2016.


  1. G’day Jan a quick Q ?

    Was Adam’s side kicking with the wind ?


  2. jan courtin says

    Maybe, Glen.

    If they were, the more the better, as long as there are no reports!

  3. Bill Martino says

    I agree with you, Jan.

    If there’s one thing I learnt in my high school years, it’s that the silent-but-deadly can often be the much better way to go. For one thing, at least in the soccer context, no report means no report.

  4. jan courtin says

    I’m not an expert on soccer Bill, but I love reading Peter Fitzsimons’ “Fitz Files” every Saturday in the Herald.

    I wouldn’t have known about the silent-but-deadly otherwise, and found the quotes highly amusing. Surely the yellow card was a first for such an offence?

    Can you just imagine the AFL introducing such a rule!!


  5. Nic McGay says

    Great to see referee Kako follow through with his threat and Mr Ljungkvist not follow through with his.

  6. jan courtin says

    “Unsportsmanlike behaviour!” Oh dear, we’re all guilty then?
    Thanks Nic

  7. jan courtin says

    Hi Phil, Dave, Glen and Don
    There was a glitch in the Almanac’s server system yesterday, the 27th, which put the timing forward 9 hours – hence your 4 comments above all show as June 28 early morning, whereas they should show as 27th in the afternoon.

    So, comments made after yours are now showing ABOVE yours, with the correct date/time. See above

  8. jan courtin says

    All very funny and appropriate comments Phil, Dave, Glen and Don – thanks!

    I’m sure someone could come up with all sorts of wonderful AFL variations on the theme Don!

  9. Bill Martino says

    Jan, just thought I might clarify here that one of the meanings of ‘report’ I had in mind before was ‘a loud noise, as if from an explosion’ (Macquarie), hence my “no report means… ” … hello, hello, is this thing on?

    Oh, and another thing, Jan, how did you manage to thank Phil, Dave, Glen and Don for their admittedly funny comments BEFORE they’d even been posted? Is this the Twilight Zone?

    Which brings to mind thiotimoline, a substance discovered by Isaac Asimov, which would start dissolving BEFORE the solvent was added, and which you couldn’t fool, i.e., if you actually had no intention of adding the solvent then it wouldn’t start dissolving.

  10. Bill Martino says

    OMG I’ve just realised it’s not even the 28th yet!

  11. jan courtin says

    Hi Bill:
    Yes, the Twilight Zone is upon us!

    I emailed Dave Parker to ask why the undermentioned 4 comments from Phil, Dave, Glen and Don were showing as TOMORROW the 28th and listed at 1am and 2am, instead of the proper date and time: TODAY, the 27th, sometime in the afternoon. He said “We had a server issue this afternoon apparently the clock was set ahead 9 hours and threw out our dates and times of posts.” So, I’m not clairvoyant after all!

    Thanks for your explanation of the “no report means no report”. I really had no idea what you meant, thinking it was a soccer-related term, and I’m ignorant about soccer, so didn’t correspond accordingly.
    Thanks again

  12. Phillip Dimitriadis says

    Surely Adam was just trying to put the wind up the referee? Maybe he should have contextualised it Monty Python style “I fart in your general direction”

  13. First time I have heard of an intimidating fart. Almost appropriate we finished with a lot of hot air in relation to all the other hot air expunged in melbourne this week.

  14. Adam was lucky he wasn’t too forceful with his actions or else he might have followed through with a veritable own goal.


  15. Makes you wonder what AFL might stand for …

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