Almanac Pubs: Royal Family Hotel, Port Elliot
The year’s first Tuesday. Alex, Max and I are in one of my favourite beer gardens.
In each of the last two Septembers I’ve come down here to a townhouse overlooking Knight’s Beach for a writing retreat. After each big day of introspection and prose, I enjoy a late afternoon ale in this glorious pub.
The beer garden’s coastal and festive in that loosely shared sense, with ten or a dozen big wooden tables scattered on the lawns. Today, as a mark of familial solidarity we’ve all decided upon a chicken schnitzel but with varied toppings (parmigiana and Kilpatrick minus the sea boogas).
My ridiculous generosity continues as I treat myself to a Pirate Life South Coast Pale Ale which seems geographically appropriate down here on the south coast, masquerading as the Fleurieu Peninsula. Increasingly, it’s my occasion beer. Fruity and summery, these are fine qualities in a refreshment.
The boys are hugely grateful for their tumblers of room temperature tap water.
Strolling into the airy and light and old front bar we’d noticed opposite how the queue to the (doubtless award-winning) Port Elliot bakery stretches a decent drop punt along the footpath. Hopefully, the bakers have prepared well for the masses so that most accusatory of rhetorical questions need not be asked, ‘Who ate all the pies?’
Between claiming our booked furniture and ordering, some folks have mistakenly pinched our chairs so upon our return I merrily shoo them away. I’m sure they welcome my inserting them into their correct place in our messy universe. At least that’s how I interpret the audible absence of their cussin’ at me.
The boys and I plan our week.
Jetty-jumping. Ascending The Bluff. Exploring Goolwa and Hindmarsh Island. There’s also the Murray mouth, which I can reveal, for the hydrologically unexcitable like me, lacks a little star power. I had hoped for towering waves and deafening crashing and Niagara-like power. I wouldn’t invest any coin in a Murray Mouth theme park just yet. But it was important to view it during these times of biblical flooding.
While waiting monk-like for our poultry Alex and Max pop next door to the surf shop while I peer at the racing form with Stony Creek and Maree gallops on the menu. Nothing takes my fancy, so I wander back outside.
As the late Victor Lewis-Smith often asked in his restaurant reviews, what made me pleased to be here?
The food was honest and tasty. My beer was great as is always the case with early-January-on-holidays-beers. The boys’ excitement at the beginning of our languid week with busy days and cricket nights ahead of us. Our tremendous fortune and the soft charms of this inviting pub.
Schnitzels inhaled; we drive back to Victor Harbor for our Granite Island pilgrimage. We’ll follow the horse-drawn tram out along the new causeway.
Our week is underway.
Read other yarns by Mickey Randall HERE
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About Mickey Randall
Now whip it into shape/ Shape it up, get straight/ Go forward, move ahead/ Try to detect it, it's not too late/ To whip it, whip it good
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Great times, Mickey.
Thanks, Smokie.
The other Port Elliot pub is owned by three-Test veteran Shaun Tait and is also a reasonable spot. I understand that at every point in cricketing history there now must be a fast but erratic bowler known for ignoble marketing purposes as ‘The Wild Thing.’
My in laws live at Victor Harbor and was there last week. Love the area of Victor Port, Middleton & Goolwa
The bakery at Port Elliot went to the end of the road when we were there so gave it a miss.
I think I mentioned once before the bookshop near the Railway line has a great selection of second hand sports books with many cricket books from 1930s.
My father in law helps out sometimes on the Friday night dinners at Port Elliot bowls club, which is probably best located bowls around.
Thanks Rodney. Although I’m also a fan of the Fleurieu if anything it can be too cold, even in summer! Great when it’s 40-odd in Adelaide and about 26 in Victor.
We swung by the Goolwa bakery one day and thought it pretty decent. Then again, most of them are and when was the last time you went into a country bakery, and it wasn’t award-winning? I know the bookshop you mention and it’s great. Also offers some worthy second-hand vinyl.
Unlike my Dad who’s been a lawn-bowler for about forty years, it’s never really appealed. However, each time I see the Port Elliot bowls club I vow that if were to take it up, I’d want to play there. If a coffee table book like ‘Australia’s best bowls clubs’ was published it’d be a lock.
I have never been to Port Elliot – on the bucket list.
Sounds like fun Mickey.
Mind you, your personal file in my system has been updated with the following addendum:
“Under no circumstances usurp his seating preferences.”
RDL
RDL- pub etiquette rules OK. Like many a fine pub the Broady offers pizza during Friday’s happy hour. Six or eight pizzas find their way to the front bar, and as I understand it when ordering a drink you can help yourself to a slice (or two). Great system. However, and I’m happy to be in error here but some punters think it acceptable to take the pizza over to their table and treat it as their own. Nup. Having seen A Man Called Otto yesterday I’m aware of the grumpy old man parallels but really! As Walter exclaims in The Big Lebowski, ‘Am the only one who gives a sh*t about the rules?’
Happy Saturday!
Yikes. Bit of William and Harry in that photo. Any early signs of shirt pulling or similar aggro between the heir to the throne and the warrior prince? All will be well until the girlfriends arrive.
Careful what you say Mickey – it will all be in “celebrity” memoir in 2038.
Speaking of celebrity siblings – did you see David Beckham’s son “Romeo” has just been signed by Brentford in the EPL. (Strong suggestions it’s linked to his celebrity rather than playing value – after a short stint at his father’s Inter Miami.)
My all time fave sport/literary meme has Romeo asking the Brentford manager what number he will be wearing in his debut game.
“Wear four – art thou Romeo?”
PB- that Romeo story is fantastic. Made my day!
I remember Posh and Becks on Ali G and the host asking them if they wanted their unborn child to be a footballer like Beckham or a singer like Mariah Carey.
Thanks.
As always you take us along for the ride,Mickey I admit I’m smiling re Shaun Tait and the pub as SA legend
Kym Nipper Williams had the pub before the wild thing and is a awesome story teller spent some time there with the Palm family over the years
Great times with your boys Mickey. The Pirate Life South Coast Pale is magnificent, even in cans, had several last week with the other coaches/dads while at Portland junior country week (after the kids were put to bed of course).
Thanks ‘Book. Good to bump into you the other Sunday.
Cheers Luke. The Portland week sounds great. It wouldn’t be terrible if PLSCPA happened to be on tap at the NFA during the year!
Hi Mickey, we were in Port Elliot and Goolwa recently. Had a great meal at the Royal. Always enjoy the Fleurieu.
Thanks Thea. I would be most grateful if somebody had a meal and a beer at every Royal pub in the country and produced a definitive guide.
Glad you enjoyed your visit!