Grand Final Weddings
There’s one sin in Victoria that can never be forgiven,
that even in the tightest clans can cause a sharp division.
Worse than infidelity; worse than priests that prey:
it’s when a star-crossed couple plan their wedding for that day.
The dream of every couple is a wedding in September,
but when they see that vacant date, the lovebirds don’t remember
that the reason why the church is free is not because of fate
but rather ’cos the granny is a ritual in this State.
September’s final Saturday is not the time to wed;
such an act will make a pair the object of much dread.
Eccentric uncles won’t turn up, cousins will not show,
even loyal mates will find a reason not to go.
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About Damian Balassone
Damian Balassone is a failed half-forward flanker who writes poetry. He is the author of 'Strange Game in a Strange Land'.
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A grand final day wedding in Victoria is a “sin” indeed. Equally so in the bush leagues of NSW.
In the Riverina, the team from Darlington Point (near Narrandera) had to forfeit the 1952 grand final because of a double wedding in town on the same day. That’s bad planning!
A sin of similar magnitude is for a couple of your players to leave at half time to attend a wedding … and you lose the game as a consequence. That’s what happened to Kiewa in the Tallangatta and District League grand final back in 1959.
Cheers Peter. And apologies, I should have stated ‘Australia’, not just Victoria. That 1952 is a ripper story and hard to believe. As is the 1959 one. Supporters not being able to attend the GF is one thing – but losing players is hard to fathom.
A bit of background, I actually wrote this piece in 2003 after my brother-in-law who loves his footy (& the Pies) was invited to a wedding on Grand Final day. There was absolutely no way he was every going to go, so my sister went to the wedding alone….and guess what? The groom got cold feet on the day and didn’t show up. Extraordinary.
It’s one thing for a couple to say they don’t give two hoots about footy and choose to have their wedding on grand final day, but cripes it is just plain stupid to expect that every one of their prospective guests feels the same.
Love it DB, and yes most important point. We got married in May but even then, we checked the fixtures as part of the wedding planning!
One point though, even “worse than priests that prey”?
Cheers
Thanks RK and fair call re that line, definitely not worse than that – I wrote this in 2003, when perhaps you could get away with such hyperbole. I should change that line.
We consulted the fixture too when we got married in 2006, and it coincided nicely with the Pies June bye, though I was spewing I had to miss a game on our honeymoon.
Hey DB, I was joshing re the line. In the spirit of the poem it reinforces what yer saying. Cheers
It’s quite simple. If your wedding day is grand final day I won’t be there. And it’s not because the grand final is more important. It’s just common courtesy.
Well, actually it is because the grand final is more important.
Good one, DB. Along the same lines as Dips, I quote you the alleged words of an English football manager: ‘Football is not life – it’s more important that that.’
Cheers RK, Dip, KD. And I’m with you all the way. Wouldn’t miss a Grand Final for anything – even if it was between GWS and Gold Coast.
Couldn’t agree more DB. There really should be laws against weddings on that one day in September. And long jail terms applied for those who transgress.
Ain’t that the truth Luke. You don’t miss a Grand Final for anything! Reminds me of that old story (I think I read in Bill Bryson book ‘Down Under’) about a bloke who goes to the Grand Final and is sitting next to an old man who has an empty seat next to him. He asks the old man why there is an empty seat, and the old man says, “My wife and I bought these seats a long time ago. But unfortunately, she passed away.”
“Oh, I’m really sorry to hear that”, the bloke says, “But why didn’t you give the ticket to another relative or a friend?”
The old man replies: “They’re all at the funeral.”
There are three types of grand finals: 1. those involving Collingwood (avoid at all costs for peace of mind) 2. those with bad boys such as Hawthorn 2015 (change channel at quarter time in disgust) and 3. those where I don’t have a dog in the fight where I would welcome the chance to sit down and watch, such as Melbourne v Bulldogs 2021.
For category 1 and 2, I would very much welcome a wedding. As a matter of fact my nephew and his girlfriend organised an engagement party in Canberra on 30th September last year. I quite liked the idea of passing the endless hours in a peaceful outdoor setting. Time passed very slowly and by 4pm I had enough and went off to the Floriade, much to the annoyance of my sister, who was organising cake and photographs. Sadly, time did not pass any faster. Finally, 20 past 5 arrived and I got the result I so longed for. We then drove to Costco, where I stayed in the carpark listening to Malthouse and co on the radio while my family went inside, the peaceful end to a very stressful day.
Love it DB.
And then there’s the cricketers’ wedding weekend. The first Saturday in January. Fixtures resume on the second Saturday in many comps.
We were invited and went to a wedding grand final day 1989. The groom was a Hawks supporter. And the bride the sister of a then current VFL player (Richmond so it didn’t really matter). My wife (we married in the off season earlier that year) is a Geelong supporter and she had the radio ear plug in in the latter stages of the wedding – updating particular guests as the passed on their way back from communion.
Very droll DB.
Speaking of headphones, we were married in 1984 during the Interdominion at Globe Derby.
My grandfather couldn’t go as he was one of the course detectives (along with his older brother who was almost 80) – I hammed it up during the speeches with a form guide, some TAB tickets and one of those old fashioned white plastic earphones as props. You had to be there I guess.
Thanks George, JTH, AF & Swish. Loving these stories related to GF day. Seems like everyone’s got one. Keep em coming.