Almanac Football: Battle of the Names, Part II

 

 

The Verbs v The Rest

 

Nominative determinism, Australian Rules style

 

The Verbs: men of action, the ones that get things done. Without verbs, teams (and sentences) can’t function.

 

Full back

Mark Harvey

Harry Taylor

Chuck Sutton

 

Half back

Shaun Burgoyne

Neil Roberts

Dayne Zorko (if he could be bothered)

 

Centre

Jimmy Bartel

Lach Neale (skipper, double-barrelled action man)

Doug Hawkins (briefly considered for the Gerunds as well)

 

Half forward

Pat Dangerfield

Lance Franklin

Nick Daicos

 

Full forward

Peter Daicos

Jack Riewoldt

Wayne Harmes (does it both ways, given name or surname)

 

Followers

Max Gawn (Gawn like the colt from old Regret…sorry Banjo)

Russell Ebert

Bob Skilton

 

Interchange

Roger Merrett (also a shoo-in for the Double Entendres)

Dick Reynolds (too bleeding obvious for the Double Entendres)

Arch Perkins ( a roughy for the Gerunds)

 

 

The Rest*: players that augment and adorn the verbs, turning teams and sentences into things of beauty and subtlety. An assortment of adjectives, adverbs, gerunds and the odd rhyming slang, this crew might well struggle against the doers however.

 

*No Nouns in this team. For another selection round.  Too many to pick from, enough for a team of animals alone. Garry Lyon skipper, or Paul Salmon? Daniel Kerr?

 

No conjunctions either, thanks very much.

 

Full back

Bill Duckworth (mmmm. See Sidebottom)

Matthew Scarlett

Frank Bourke

 

Half back

Darryl White

Darcy Moore

Billy Picken  (high-flying, self-commentating leader of the gerunds faction)

 

Centre

Steele Sidebottom (controversial pick. Is he a noun or an adjective? Given name seems suspiciously verby, too. See Duckworth)

Simon Black

Michael Long

 

Half forward

Toby Greene (does it on both sides of the body. Sublime adjective and infinitively great adverb. Or not)

Stewie Loewe

Mark Schwarz

 

Full forward

Robbie Gray

Dick Lee (A remarkably handy adverb and considered for the Double Entendres as well, but too crude? Skipper of this lot, for the sniggers mainly)

Tom Papley (dubious pick but surely his surname describes the vast irritation he causes by his mere presence on the track?)

 

Followers

Sean Rehn (old fashioned yes but the big Biro is rarely beaten at the centre bounces)

Dustin Martin (the greatest gerund ever? Some say double-barrelled, even)

Jack Viney

 

On the David Dench

Sam Berry (one of the best adverbs going; berry berry good)

Sean Wight

Mark Lee

Ross Glendenning

 

 

To read more by Matt Gately click HERE.

 

 

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