Almanac Cricket: Chopper’s Big Day Out

 

 

 

 

My friend Sean ‘Chopper’ Ross is not a big man. He’s around 167 cm and gets a little more rotund each year. Bald, with a round friendly face, Sean is an unassuming character. He is part of two generations of the Ross family who have played at Boroondara Cricket Club. His older brother, Danny, is a better bat and a more extroverted and assertive person, younger brother Willy bowled leggies and his nephew, Robbie, a Stuart medallist for the best player in the top grade of synthetic, a far superior cricketer.

 

Boroondara Cobra’s home ground is Victoria Road Reserve, Hawthorn; a relatively small ground situated on an old brickworks site in behind the Auburn Hotel (better known to older readers as the Geebung Polo Club), opposite Auburn Station.

 

Sean commenced playing at Boroondara in 1988, was awarded life membership in 2012/3 and last weekend playing with the vets team racked up his 400th game (many of them two-day games played on consecutive Saturdays). Sean is a medium-paced left-arm in-swing bowler (425 wickets) delivered off a run up, formerly twenty paces, nowadays about five. He is a handy bat (3112 runs); the highlight being 156 in a club record 414 opening partnership with Graham Saker at the old square Power Station ground in Richmond some thirty years ago.

 

All sporting codes recognise that volunteerism is disappearing. Park cricket clubs are still a home for a dying breed of blokes like Chopper. Self-taught at cricket, never had a lesson in his life. Club stalwarts who just do what is needed to keep the club going and play the game they love. In celebration of Sean reaching 400 games, but also as testament to low grade park cricket and its participants, this is the story of one such game.

 

Grand Final Day, 2015/16 season. Eastern Cricket Association, Limited Over Competition Division 6, Bingley Shield. Thirty-five overs each on a synthetic pitch. The two strongest teams all season, St Paul’s and Boroondara, have won their semis and playoff in the G.F. Both teams are predominantly old blokes and kids – only a handful of players in their twenties in this grade. Michael Bingley (picture a souped-up version of Warwick Armstrong, perhaps an extra 10%) is playing for Boroondara, attempting the relatively unique feat of being a premiership player in the shield that is named after him.

 

It’s a beautiful autumn day at H.A Smith Reserve, Glenferrie Road opposite Scotch College near the Monash Freeway. St Paul’s, who are on ground duties, set up the cones in a somewhat disorderly configuration. Burnt out Boroondara captain, me, decides to avoid any early confrontation and let it go. St Paul’s have only one team in grand finals this year, so they have a healthy number of supporters rolling in early, suitably provisioned for the days encounter.

 

St Paul’s win the toss and bat. They lose a couple of early wickets, including captain Peter May who should consider himself unlucky when Binga takes a good catch low down at slip. Chopper opens the bowling and takes 1 for 15 off 5 overs. Chopper probably thinks his work for the day is almost done, now it’s perhaps another over or two for him, then it’s up to the batsmen.

 

Fate intervenes – as always, funny things happen in grand finals! Binga, bowling his round arm skidders off three paces, clutches his hamstring on the follow thru and issues the immortal words, often repeated with great mirth since at Cobras gatherings, “I’ve done me hammy. It’s off the bone!” Teammates, after clutching their sides with laughter for a few minutes, are forced to regroup. We are now down a bowler. Opening batsman Grummo, who usually only bowls at training, ends up with the ball and he fills the gap admirably. Binga heads for the pavilion, and twelfth man Jonesy comes on and fields like a man possessed.

 

St Paul’s dangerman, Vin Cameron, bats well and belts us around somewhat. He gets to 36 before he mistimes a drive off my left arm straight ones. Chopper is fortuitously placed at deepish mid-on in no-man’s-land – not saving one, nor stopping four. Chopper takes the catch, but this is accompanied by a most unusual dull thudding sound. Not the slap of leather into hands, more the concerning thud of leather into groin. As Cameron departs the field, Chopper writhes on the ground in agony. Given Binga’s earlier injury, we are out of subs so all we can do is let Chopper lie down long enough to partially recover so he can resume fielding. Chopper perseveres gamely on the ground for the remaining 15 overs of St Paul’s innings. Lack of bowlers means he must bowl the final over off only a couple of steps. He takes another wicket to finish with 2 for 20 off 6 overs.

 

St Paul’s finish their 35 overs at 7/130. Runs on the board is the key in a grand final, certainly a competitive score. During the tea break, our dressing room resembles a battle casualty clearing station. Binga is flat out on one bench icing his hamstring, Chopper is on the opposite side of the room not icing anything, but looking especially unwell.

 

Binga, who can bat, makes a brave but slow return to the field to open our innings. The catch cry “Bring out the screen” runs through my head. There is a fair bit of chat between Binga, never averse to a bit of niggle, and the fielding side plus their increasingly passionate supporters. We lose our first wicket at 41 when Binga (16) is out to a sensational catch, St Paul’s Cameron running back hard from mid-wicket with the ball coming over his right shoulder and then diving for a one-hander.

 

Cobras looking good at 1/72. Last over before drinks, Digger inexplicably goes for an ambitious drive through foreign country for him (i.e the off side) and gets caught for 23. Quickly after drinks, Grummo departs for 22, I don’t play a captain’s knock and get a blob and we are 4/73. Things are getting interesting now.

 

At this stage Chopper has not ventured out to observe our run chase, he is still prostrated in the change rooms. Cobras steady to 4/109 then another collapse as our big hitting quickie, Kush Singh (22), Dwayno (16) and the two kids Will (0) and Dan (3), all depart. Chopper has to be helped to his feet to pad up and hobbles to the crease at 8/114. Four overs to go, 17 needed to win.

 

In the 21st century, Chopper has really only had two productive scoring shots, both off the back foot. A lofted drive over the cover/extra cover/cover point areas depending on how edgy the shot is, or the pull shot through square leg. He gets off the mark hitting over extra cover for two.

 

It’s 9/122 when our gun fieldsman Medland (8) is dismissed, and Chopper is joined by thirteen-year-old wicketkeeper Luke (son of Jonesy). Luke’s form hasn’t been great in recent games, and he tallies only 20 something runs for the season.

 

Second last over. Luke, eyes as big as saucers, plays at and misses the last four balls.

 

Last over, Cobras need five to win, Cameron bowling, Chopper on strike. First ball is a dot, next ball Chopper gets two over cover, three to win and four balls to go. St Paul’s pack the offside, and to the surprise of the Boroondara contingent, leave a significant gap at square leg. Every Cobras player and supporter knows where Chopper will try to hit it. Third ball, Chopper misses. Fourth ball is a reasonable one from Cameron, not really short, but no problem, Chopper goes way back in his crease, pull shot through square leg – four runs. Game over, Cobras win 9/132. Luke keeps running as Cobras supporters storm the ground and even though the ball is now 25 metres over the boundary.  Chopper not out 10, Luke an outstanding not out 0.

 

Chopper walks gingerly and stooped to the premiership presentation. St Paul’s skipper, May, rightfully wins the best player award for 5/28, but S. Ross is the King of Boroondara! Back at Victoria Road celebrations continue very late. Cries of “I’ve done me hammy. It’s off the bone” echo around the ground. Chopper recovers sufficiently to join some older team members (not including the skipper), showing a distinct lack of maturity, for a special commemorative lap of the ground at some time around 2.30 am.

 

Cricket is a game – we play it for fun.

 

 

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. Thanks Mark, wonderfully descriptive. I can picture all the players, replicas of my low grade teammates but more successful if you won a Premiership.

  2. Local cricket. Nothing like it.
    Thanks, Mark.

  3. Love it.
    Beautifully told, Mark.
    I’d love to know Luke’s memories of the day.
    Rest up, Chopper. Well played.

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