Almanac (Creative) Footy: In the sweet spot with the half-forward flankers

 

Half forward flankers are in a league of their own. Coaches wouldn’t want a whole team with such flamboyance, but they are usually cherished because of their moments of genius. Although they are not the main avenue to goal, inevitably they are judged by the number of goals they kick. The half forward flanker can be light and nifty or heavy set and bullocking, so it’s not a cookie-cutter position, thank goodness. Only a few half forward flankers have played the position permanently, so this is but a tasty selection of the sort of richness you see in the famous patisserie windows in Europe.

 

I have also delved closer to home into the pages of the Country Women’s Association of South Australia 1954 Calendar of cakes, because birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake. Too bad if you were born on 30 July, you would have had a recipe for Chocolate Potato Cake (eggless) by Mrs Hoath of Mt Burr, or on 17 April Sour Milk Ginger Cake by Mrs Polkinghorne of Port Pirie. Better to be born on 21 November for Napoleon Cake by Mrs Longmire of Wirrulla.

 

The CWA would no doubt award Best Cake in Show to Alex Jesaulenko MBE. Fast, elusive, close to the ground but surprisingly tall, smart, scheming, hard at it, and of course he took that famous mark that adorns the wall of the Sport Museum at the MCG.  As well as being in the AFL and Carlton teams of the century on the flank, he is in the Sport Australia Hall of Fame, and is captain of the first Australia Post Multicultural Team of Champions—who knew there was such a thing. Jezza’s mother is Russian and his father is Ukrainian, which is famous for its Ukrainian Honey Cake that takes about eight hours to prepare. There is an illuminating article in The Canberra Times of 26 May 1967 in his debut year which talks about him thriving in ‘poverty corner’, the half forward flank. In Football the Australian way (Melbourne: Lansdowne, 1969) he writes:

 

In Canberra I was mainly a centre half forward, and I didn’t find it much different being on a half forward flank for Carlton. Instead of making the leads to the players further down the field, you go for the crumbs, unless they are playing through you. Then you lead. Many players and supporters think that the half forward flank can be a football graveyard. It’s not, if you think, and keep thinking. I didn’t find it hard to manoeuvre my way around the flank. You must think of yourself as a crumb gatherer, a scavenger, an opportunist, and always be ready to swoop.

 

Melbourne’s club legend Bobby McKenzie was always ready to swoop, a mercurial half forward flanker who captivated spectators with his ‘weaving runs, booming kicks and miraculous goals’. Opposition players considered him ‘a mere five minute player’ but in that time the damage was done and a handful of goals scored. Like the Pavlova that looks substantial but it’s wolfed down in a second.

 

 

As usual Geelong has more than its fair share of brilliant players in this position, as described in the Sun News-Pictorial 29 September 1951. Bob Davis wasn’t called the Geelong Flyer for nothing—he won a couple of heats of Sheffields at various country race meets. Journalist H.A. (Hector) de Lacy described Woofa as flying dynamite, using every square foot of the ground. If he’s dynamite then maybe he’s a Bombe Alaska.

 

In my time John Sharrock was the classic half forward flanker made more classic by being a left footer. Why is that in all sports the left sided player looks so polished? There’s a story that Woofa addressed a letter to ‘The fabulous number 10’ which was duly delivered to John Sharrock. A force to be reckoned with, like Stickjaw Toffee—that somehow amazingly didn’t take your teeth out with it. Ken Newland, oozing self confidence, was the club’s youngest ever player at 16 years and 74 days on his debut in 1965. He was known for his creative handball—but what about that sensational leap in the 1967 grand final, taking the grab from one of those easy to mark drop kicks. On the video, Lou Richards ooohs ‘he went up six flights, any higher he would have needed oxygen.’ An oldy but a goody. Ken was a top athlete—a high jump champ, hence the speccies, and a good cricketer. Continuing the toffee theme, he can be a Toffee Apple, which you lost interest in once you’d eaten the toffee.

 

I’m shocked to realise that in this series I haven’t yet talked about Cats players Cameron Ling, Steve Johnson or James Bartel, but what more could I add to their lustre. Maybe the red-headed Lingy a spicy Gingerbread, Stevie J a miraculous Crème Caramel and Jimmy a substantial Yeast Bun.

 

 

Richmond’s John Northey was the classic will-o-the-wisp like a floaty Soufflé (except he could rise more than once) with a steely will to win. Fun fact: his nephew Ben is a conductor with the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra, and another nephew Blaise was a member of the Australian Croquet Team in 1993. Blaise and John are seen at the MCG and I was able to use the image by Karen Dodd from the Herald-Sun of 7 April 1992 on the September cover of The Australian Croquet Gazette with kind permission from the Herald and Weekly Times.

 

Two players who couldn’t be less alike are Tigers Roger Dean and Matthew Knights. Team of the century flanker Roger Dean was also the captain, darkly concentrating, would give you one if you didn’t look out, like a Black Pudding if that was a sweet thing. Matty on the other hand was fair and quietly brilliant while absorbing possessions and giving off lace-out passes. He would be a Match, which might be a uniquely South Australian delicacy of an oblong flaky pastry with jam and cream inside and icing sugar on top.

 

Fitzroy’s Owen Abrahams was a specialist half forward named in its team of the century. He previously played in the VAFA with the Commonwealth Bank team, and continued to play as an amateur when he started in the VFL in 1954. He had a peculiar kicking action, dropping the ball onto his right foot with one hand. So he might be a Rhubarb Cake that is peculiar in that you’re not sure if you like it or not, being sweet and sour at the same time. A couple of Lions flankers were physical opposites. Garry Wilson looked like he’d never eaten cake in his life, but with his black helmet he’s a Chocolate Éclair, which would tempt anyone. In contrast Micky Conlon was built like Conan the Barbarian so his cake of choice would be something substantial, maybe a whole Pound Cake.

 

Carlton’s Brent Crosswell was the thinking woman’s Crumpet, smart and mercurial. It must have been tough for the lateral thinking and volatile ‘Tiger’ to have found himself playing for a coach like Ron Barassi with his traditional and conservative view of how the game should be played. Crosswell found himself playing under Barass at Carlton, then at North Melbourne where he made its team of the century as an interchange, and then at Melbourne, goddam.

 

North Melbourne won its first VFL premiership in 1975 with a star studded lineup. I admit to a crush on Slamming Sammy Kekovich, who played a couple of unbelievable games in his salad days, but when he moved into the proverbial good paddock he became an ambassador for Lamb, so he can be a Lamington, even though it’s a Queensland invention. Wayne Schimmelbusch is in the Kangaroos team of the century on the flank. With that German family name he has to be an Apple Strudel. Handsome longsleeved Brett Allison, not a hair out of place, was like the perfect Sponge that looks easy to make, yet there’s been much careful work and experience to get it looking like that. Unlike footy, baking is an easy skill to master: all you need is a good oven and good fresh ingredients (nothing out of a packet—get bakers flour loose from the health food shop).

 

Bob Keddie was Hawthorn’s memorable flanker in my time, with those wide shoulders and skinny legs, 100% concentration, a true professional who went on to play with three clubs in the SANFL. A cake with the brown and gold colours might be the ubiquitous Carrot Cake. Keddie played a crucial role in the 1971 grand final win over St Kilda kicking four final quarter goals, having been shifted to full forward when Peter Hudson was concussed—it was not a tea party. Peter’s son Paul was a deft flanker averaging 38 goals a year over seven seasons at Hawthorn including the 1991 premiership, then at the Bulldogs he made the All Australian Team in 1998 on the flank. Small but reliable like a Meringue that would look good in a heap of 38.

 

John Greening wore the 22 jumper at Collingwood. You know how when you go to a café and are seated at a numbered table, or you’re given a number at the counter, I can’t resist saying out loud which player that number brings to mind. Somehow number 22 is John Greening, although I only have fleeting memories of him, but maybe that’s how he played. Like one of those Cream Puffs that disappear in one delicious mouthful. On the other hand, Des Tuddenham was serious business indeed, more Rock Bun than cake. Peter Bedford is a serious kettle of South Melbourne fish, whether you’re talking footy or cricket. Talk about a hard worker, a player for every occasion, so he is the Scone that you can eat at any time of the day.

 

Brad Johnson of the Western Bulldogs is always smiling; he makes you smile like when you look at a bright red Jelly Tart, which might have been a South Australian thing. He was named captain of the All-Australian team in 2006 when he kicked 70 goals. His glorious career came to a strange end in 2010, when recovering from a previous injury he was struck by the club’s drinks cart in training, which hastened the end of his playing career.

 

Essendon has had a series of brilliant Indigenous half forward flankers, so I have matched them with some bush tucker ingredients: Michael Long as a Kakadu Plum Cake, and Anthony McDonald-Tipungwudi as a Quandong Pie that you can get from the bakery at Quorn or Copley in the Flinders Ranges. Worth a trip. Tiwi Islander Dean Rioli was recruited from South Fremantle, where he was selected on the half forward flank in its Indigenous team of the century, along with his father Sebastian and uncle Maurice, then in 2022 he became Essendon’s first Indigenous board member. Maybe a cake made with the Tiwi Island Kamuli, the cockatoo apple, which tastes similar to quince, yummo.

 

Brett Heady was a flanker in the West Coast team of the decade. Although six foot tall there was nothing of him, but in a team of stars he was tough and quietly went about his business, like an unobtrusive but perfect Macaroon Cake (not to be confused with Macarons).

 

If the half forward flanker is there to make an impact, winning a premiership at Central Districts, Port Power and Hawthorn is as good as it gets. Stuart Dew’s rounded shape and layered persona reminds me of the Chocolate Swiss Roll, which is also as good as it gets and doable at home. The trick is to roll the cake up in a damp tea towel when it’s taken hot out of the oven to keep the shape, then when it’s cooled down to put some coffee liqueur in the cream. Port Power’s handsome, dare I say sultry, Che Cockatoo-Collins would be the sugar and cinnamon Donut that you get freshly made and hot from the Lions stall at the Royal Adelaide Show next to the Secretary’s Office outside the show ring.

 

Also at the Royal Show is the amazing cake decorating, especially those highly decorated Two Tier Wedding Cakes, which brings me to the AFLW’s highly decorated Daisy Pearce and her twins. I loved seeing her with a twin in each arm, run out for Melbourne in the grand final against the Crows in 2022. Daisy could play anywhere, but was named on the half forward flank in that year’s All Australian team. I think she’s the most skilled female player I’ve seen, but there are many dashing forwards in AFLW ranks, none more so than Collingwood’s Sabrina Frederick who still cherishes her British heritage, so she can be Jane Austen’s favourite Bath Bun.

 

In the SANFL, the epitome of the half forward flanker according to the good judges (my other half) was Norwood’s ‘poetry in motion’ Roger Woodcock, who rarely missed a left foot snap at goal, even from 50 out. So the lightly built number 10 has to be a Brandy Snap, light and delicious from its golden syrup and mixed spices. Woody kicked 602 goals over 267 games from 1969 to 1981, the most goals by a non full forward in SANFL history. I gather his omission from the Redlegs team of the century still has supporters gnashing their teeth. My same source tells me that North’s Adrian Rebbeck was seen to be wearing yellow underdaks on the day his footy shorts came off in a tackle, so he would be the retro Pineapple Upside Down Cake. The boy from Loxton was part of a cricketing family—he was an A grade cricketer, his brother was a state player and another brother was a state umpire.

 

Ray Button was my favourite player when I started watching footy in 1964. The Glenelg number 17 took endless high marks resulting in him topping the goalkicking for three years. Sadly no longer with us, he might have enjoyed a Kitchener Bun from Wenzels in Glenelg or Brighton, best eva. These days the Pik-A-Pie bakery at Meadows wins show ribbons for its Kitcheners, so they are worth a trip to get. High flying English born David Saywell kicked seven goals for Central Districts in the first game played at Football Park on 4 May 1974. As a teacher Sally would know the benefit of following a recipe for something tricky like Tiramasu. Neville Roberts was an extremely talented half forward who started with West Torrens, went to Richmond, back to the Eagles, then won a couple of premierships at Norwood. You might say the glamorous Rocky was showy, more icing than cake, but he was actually cake all the way through, like the Marble Cake of many swirling colours.

 

The Sturt teams of the 1960s and 70s were chock full of watchables. Diamond Jim Tilbrook might have looked like he followed the dictum ‘let them eat cake’ but he was all muscle. The classic opportunist, he would need something substantial—gateau like—maybe a Pistachio Layer Cake with Cream Cheese frosting.

 

Michael ‘Flash’ Graham was the second youngest of 15 children who grew up on Point Pearce Mission on the Yorke Peninsula. When Jack Oatey asked Michael to play for Sturt, the whole family moved to Adelaide to support him. He played 282 games over 15 seasons kicking 455 goals, winning flags in 1974 and 1976. As if that wasn’t enough, in the off season he played 230 games across 17 seasons in the Northern Territory. His parents Doris and Cecil documented their life in a book, As we’ve known it: 1911 to the present which is in the State Library’s collection. Their son had many honours, but being named in the Indigenous All-Stars Team in 1983 along with his father Cecil and nephews Phil and Colin must have been a real treat. Michael is in Sturt’s team of the century on a flank, and is an interchange in the AFL Indigenous team of the century. Totally focussed on the ball, he was no frills, all thrills (thanks Bro). Being such an iconic and beloved South Australian player he can be another official South Australian icon, the Balfour’s Frog Cake, which almost looks too chemically enhanced to eat.

 

 

The Balfour’s shop opened on the Beehive Corner in 1858 then moved down Rundle Mall where its café closed in 2001. The State Library has Balfour’s archival business records as BRG 335 and a series of interviews with former employees as OH 657. A name as famous as Balfour’s is Haigh’s Chocolate which has been part of South Australia’s heritage since 1915. They’re known for their chocolate frogs, and of course South Australia’s state footy colours were chocolate and turquoise blue for 20 years from 1908. In the heart of Port Adelaide near the Black Diamond Corner is the Mayfair Bakery and Patisserie, an institution since 1870, the same year that Port Adelaide Football Club was formed, and its motto is History in the baking!

 

Another Port institution was Dave Boyd, who was flanker in its Greatest Team 1870 – 2000, and no doubt would enjoy one of the bakery’s modern specialities, the New York Baked Cheesecake. Boyd recorded an oral history interview in 1990 which you can read on the State Library website as OH 111/20.

 

How did you get your first chance come to play?

 

Well, I believe that I was started off into League Football by an ex-player, Lew Roberts who was a very good player. He played the decade before I did, and he was the coach of the team in 1948, and he was on his way out of football. In the pre-season training, he enticed me to go to his home during the summer, he lived out at Colonel Light Gardens, on Sundays. He used to trek me up through the Hills, and we used to walk and run and walk and run and talk, and this went on right through the summer. I didn’t think I could ever do it. I didn’t think I was that dedicated, actually. But I stuck it out, although I would have preferred to be on the beach. So beginning of the 1948 season, I was pretty fit, and that’s what you need to be. And if you’ve got the ability, you need the fitness to go with it. I got a game. And I dare say that he could see that maybe I had a chance, and that’s why he did it.

 

What do you remember about the feeling amongst the team during the six in a row?

 

Well, it was a tremendous feeling, really. I don’t think that we ever ran onto the ground and thought we’d get beaten. I think you get a feeling of confidence, confidence in the person you’re playing with, who’s playing alongside of you. You get confidence in the whole team. You get confidence in yourself. You wouldn’t think that you’re going to get beaten. That would be the last thing you’d think of, and that’s a pretty handy thing to have ingrained in your mind and your subconscious, I dare say.

 

In the current crop of erstwhile half forward flankers, Ben Keays and Izak Rankine are brilliant and hardworking shape shifters for the Adelaide Crows whether in the midfield or the half forward flank. Ben won the Dr Brian Sando OAM Award for the most professional and prepared player at the Crows in 2022 and 2024, reliable as a Date and Walnut Loaf. Izak came from Edwardstown via that good teaching club, Westies, and co-designed this year’s Kuwarna Indigenous round jumper. He can be a Sachertorte, one of the few cakes for which we know the designer—Franz Sacher in 1832—and which you can still get at the Hotel Sacher in Vienna.

 

Kysaiah Klem Paul Kropinyeri-Pickett was born on Eyre Peninsula and went to Prince Alfred College before landing at Melbourne—it’s a mouthful of a name but the livewire Kozzy is getting into the world of men’s fashion, so he can be the fashionable Macaron, which comes in a range of designer colours and flavours. Another mouthful of a name is Darcy Byrne-Jones, so not surprisingly his nickname is burnt toast. I would prefer the childhood classic French Toast, where you soak thick slices of white bread in egg and milk then fry them and add golden syrup. Byrne-Jones’ volleyed goal in the come from behind win against Hawthorn was similarly satisfying. I could call Hawthorn’s cheeky Jack Ginnivan a Fruit Cake, but that would be unfair. He makes a snap crackle and pop like the Chocolate Crackles that we used to make to take to school fetes, and how good were they, all that copha, chocolate and coconut.

 

The All Australian half forward flankers in 2024 are Sydney’s Isaac Heeney and Chad Warner. Talk about laying it on thick—these are supreme talents made from the finest ingredients—but unfortunately their Strawberry Supreme Layer Cake fell when it came out of the grand final oven against Brisbane. The cook will no doubt be poring over the recipe to get a better result next time. Talking of next time, we are up to the high flying wingers, suggestions welcome.

 

So the half forward flankers are a delectable bunch indeed. It’s a fun exercise to think who you would want to have playing on the half forward flank and what sort of cake they would be in a team playing in a tasty heaven.

 

 

Read more of Carolyn’s delightful stories HERE

 

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