AFL Trades: Panic

Finding the AFL meat market all a bit depressing/confusing/addictive?


With club movers and shakers in a panic, holding our future happiness in their hands, I thought I’d find some inspiration from the equally depressing/confusing/addictive Smiths to get me through… to the draft.


After all, as Moz says, meat is murder.


Panic on the streets of Hawthorn
Panic on the streets of Carlton
I wonder to myself


Could footy ever be sane again?
The deeds and feats that are stripped down
I wonder to myself


Hopes may rise on the next year
But Clokey-Pie, you’re not safe here
So you frown
At letting go Nathan Brown


But there’s panic on the streets of Richmond
Brisbane, Gold Coast, Collingwood
I wonder to myself


Burn down the Clarko
Damn the blessed heresay
Because the trades that they constantly make
It says something to fans about the knife
Damn the blessed heresay
Because the trades that they constantly make


The father-son you can’t lock down
The future draft picks you shop ’round


Damn the heresay, damn the heresay, damn the heresay
Damn the heresay, damn the heresay, damn the heresay



About Jeff Dowsing

Washed up former Inside Sport and Sunday Age Sport freelancer. Now just giving my stuff away to good homes. Not to worry, still have my health and day job. Published & unpublished works fester on my blog Write Line Fever.


  1. Phillip Dimitriadis says

    Love it JD. The Smiths couldn’t be more apt. ‘Meat (Market) is Murder’ might get a run, too.

  2. Prestia wooed by This Charming Man, all Tigers fan chanting How Soon is Now?

  3. G’day Jeff,

    I reckon Hawthorn fans are no longer worried. But I wonder if the deal is good or not because O’Meara hasn’t played many games due to the injury.

    Carlton has worries as they need to stick together to rebuild. Touhy is a talented Irish recruit and I think the Blues needed him. But he chose to be a Cat. Opposed to Carlton, young Saints choose to stay at St Kilda.

    What about the Western Bulldogs? I can’t believe three players chose to play somewhere else? Is it because they want an opportunity to play more games? Or they want another joy to win the flag at another club? But losing three players seems not a big impact…



  4. Great adaptation of a great song- one of the Smiths’ best.

    It’s used with brief, but terrific effect in Shaun of the Dead, and also here in your piece JD.

  5. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    Clever JD. The original had a reference to Jake Carlisle, how prescient.

    They just haven’t earnt it yet, baby.

    I’m seeing Moz tomorrow night, will he sing this?

  6. Thanks all – enjoy the show Swish. I caught Moz at Festival Hall a few years ago, hopefully he hasn’t lost too much form since then.

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