“A long time ago in a Galaxy far, far away….” (Subiaco Oval, 2.40pm, Sunday May the Fourth)
“For over a thousand generations, the Jedi Knights were the guardians of peace & justice in the Old Republic. Before the dark times… before the Empire. A young Jedi named Darth Sumich, who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil, helped the Empire hunt down & destroy the Jedi Knights. Sumich was seduced by the dark side of the Force.”
Episode 1 – The Phantom Menace
The Evil Empire dominates early. This contest will be all about who wins the clearances and the contested possessions. My Jedi get 2 goals late and we are only 14 points down at popcorn time.
Episode 2 – Return of the Jedi
This is the movie I came to see. My Jedi are swarming all over an Empire in full retreat. But there is something wrong with the script. It is full of hysterical inaccuracies. By us. In front of goal. We kick 1.8 and 6 of the misses are sitters. We should be 3 goals in front, not 7 points down at choc bomb time.
Episode 3 – The Empire Strikes Back
Early signs are good. We kick 2 to go a goal in front. Then the screen goes blank. The horror. The horror. I don’t even know what movie I’m watching. Four goals to them and the barbarians are at the gate. I am rolling jaffas down the aisle for amusement.
Episode 4 – Revenge of the Sith
They kick 2 more early, and then those interminable credits roll for a final 20 minutes of junk time. We get 2 late to lose by 19 points. Who cares? We had our chance to win, with plenty of effort and opportunities. But our skill levels are among the worst in the Galaxy, so that hard work creates more turnovers and missed opportunities than pressure.
Nic Naitanui is so unfit and low on confidence, it’s a scandal that the Jedi ‘brains trust’ are playing him. He clearly has a groin/osteitis pubis problem and has no sprint or spring in his legs. His game is all about athleticism, so if he has none, rest him or send him for surgery.
Luke Shuey faints whenever he catches sight of Ryan Crowley.
Matthew Pavlich and Darren Glass can see the tunnel at the end of the light.
Matt Priddis and Scott Selwood battled hard
But the Skywalkers (Nat and David) dominate the midfield. Michael needed the run.
Sandilands made the Eagles rucks look old and unfit
Zac Clarke kicked 3 goals and is an emerging star
The Evil Empire’s coaching panel has the most ruthless team of henchmen and hired guns in the Galaxy
Malarkey Academy Awards
3 Votes: Lachie Neale (Evil Empire)
2 Votes: Ryan Crowley (Evil Empire)
1 Vote: Brad Sheppard (Jedi)
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You would think that their light sabres need a tune-up and overhaul.After all light is supposed to travel in straight lines.
I think that Cripps is a keeper.Can we clone Darling? Hurn needed a run too.Sheppard was decent
.I am clutching at straws, but I hope the Jedis give the giants a hiding for “confidence”
Almost hopeless, but one film doesn’t make a series.
On the other hand you could barrack for Brisbane.
Is it just me, or does R2D2 look like Hayden Ballantyne ?
It was art historian Robert Hughes who reviewed the ‘prequel’ of the new Star Wars instalment for the Australian years ago who said – no amount of polish could bring a shine to the turd – RH knew what he liked and did not like – and I has at a guess but he perhaps would have said something similar about West Coast re the Dertby. The Poll of best WA rucks should have been held this week by PerthNow as I don’t think Cox would have featured so strongly – beating Polly Farmer if you don’t mind. Your fixture is your extra man this year PB lets hope for your sake it helps the force be with you.
Note: Surely Freo are the Rebel Alliance and WesCoz are the Dark lords – Patterson is the Death Star and your home for pete’s sake – just saying.
But you can roll it in glitter
Or sprinkles Swisher
PB, can’t wait for your take on Indigenous and Multicultural Rounds
Probably be a few references to Jedda and They’re a weird mob!!!
What Litza is to popular culture, I aspire to for the over 50’s. My head is full of cultural references, but nothing after 1989. (Except for Eagles 2006).
We need to get rid of that tight fisted, autocratic, conservative Prime Minister. Malcolm Fraser is ruining the country.
Huh – When did Menzies go ??
Pass the Harold Holt…..l
Really enjoyed the pictures but PB’s article was too erudite for a battler like me.
Surely Pete will enjoy watching The Greatest Team of All oN Sat V the painters and Dockers.