AFL Round 7 – Carlton v Collingwood: Dear Daisy

I hope you don’t mind me writing you an open letter like this.  But it seems the only way to get your attention since you walked out on me six months ago.

I wanted you to know I’m doing OK.  Better than OK, in fact.

Your ‘Dad’ was right, this game wasn’t all about you.  But by the same token, losing you has taught me a lot about myself.

Since you’ve been gone I feel a great weight has been lifted.  The future looks so much brighter now without your disruptive influence.  I dunno, it seemed to develop some time after Ross Lyon anointed you the pick of the competition.  When I think back to that end of season surfing trip you took instead of getting your ankle fixed, it was the first sign your passion was passing me by.

How’s that going, by the way?  I noticed your shanked attempt at goal in the first quarter and I couldn’t help but feel mildly concerned amused.  At least you wore a long sleeved #39 though, it was very chilly out and it helped me recognise you more easily from afar.  I think Ang Christou would have done better, LOL (sorry, that was a cheap shot).

And then when you couldn’t even kick over little Luke standing the mark in the third quarter, well I understand you lashing out at your former flag buddies.  As your Dad said, you were just a sideshow.  Making a tool of yourself in front of me and my 60,000 friends – I felt embarrassed for you.

Where were your new friends Daise?  Wasn’t it your mob’s home game?  They were so quiet – even when we let Carlton kick a bunch of face saving goals.

Anyway, I feel so much more resilient this year, I have my intensity back.  Yes, I play the field nowadays, I must confess.  Big Jarrod and Brodie, young Tom in the backline, what a find!  And I still have my great Danes – did you see how Beamsy went?   Such a dependable finisher, hits the spot every time!!  Josh Thomas, Monty Dwyer, Frostie, Marley and the mercurial Billy Elliott.  Oh Billy Billy…   As Kate Ceberano sang, ‘young boys are my weakness’.  Actually, they’re my strength.

Come to think of it, who needs you?

Well I needed you.

I needed you from the time you burst into my life at the Docklands in Round 1 2006.  It was the best first quarter by a debutante I’d seen.  Besides your glorious Ronnie Wearmouth locks, you had me when you soared for that audacious grab in the goal square.  Despite the uninformed naysayers who pigeon holed you as a flashy lair, you were the real deal.  The spark with freakish ability – that left foot banana from 50m on the run against West Coast in 2011 was insane.  Yet you also did all the thankless chores like chasing and tackling.  And when we went to the big dances in 2010 you were wonderful to me.  You were always there when I needed you most.  But love can be such a miserable lie.

Not that I really care anymore, we drifted apart and you got the seven year itch.  I’ve moved on.  I got what I wanted out of you.  And you did very well yourself.  That’s life, that’s football.

But before I sign off, can I just ask you to please keep an eye on your Dad.  He always wore the cranky pants but he’s fast becoming a parody of himself.   Well I guess coaching your mob would send most men bonkers.

They say time heals all wounds.  We’ll see, I suppose.  Maybe one day we’ll catch up and reminisce about all those electrifying nights and pleasant afternoons we shared.


Yours sincerely

Colleen Wood
Carlton              1.2    1.5    2.7     10.10 (70)
Collingwood      3.4    7.6    10.15  14.20 (104)

Goals – Carlton: Henderson 2, Robinson, Bell, Casboult, Gibbs, Warnock, McLean, Everitt, Garlett
Collingwood: Beams 4, Elliott 3, Cloke 2, Witts 2, Ball, Dwyer, Grundy

Best – Carlton: Buckley, Murphy, Tuohy, Gibbs
Collingwood: Langdon, Beams, Blair, Elliott, Pendlebury, Frost, Witts

About Jeff Dowsing

Washed up former Inside Sport and Sunday Age Sport freelancer. Now just giving my stuff away to good homes. Not to worry, still have my health and day job. Published & unpublished works fester on my blog Write Line Fever.


  1. Luke Reynolds says

    Colleen sounds like she’s doing well playing the field. Daisy is getting paid a truckload for each kick. Win-win.

  2. Neil Anderson says

    Makes me want to go out and buy a heap of Mills and Boons.
    Remaining faithful or moving on from a relationship, this is the recurring theme in life and particularly as a supporter of certain teams.
    As my sixtieth anniversary ( since a flag) rolls around in September I too have questioned the need to stay faithful after all these years. Then I realize there is too much history together and we might as well nurse each other along into our twilight years. You never know we might just rekindle that spark of romance we discovered in 1954.

  3. John Butler says

    Colleen wouldn’t be the mother of Cameron would she?

    Another lost orphan embraced by the Carlton benevolent society.

    Is Daisy destined to have his photo turned to the social club wall like Dan Minogue?

  4. Peter_B says

    Clever, witty piece of writing “Colleen”. I loved the Mills and Boon touches. I reckon romance writing pays better than sports journalism.
    Career options?

  5. You’re not wrong there Peter, definitely a direction worth exploring!

    Colleen and Cameron are actually siblings JB – same mother, different brother.

  6. DBalassone says

    Lovey work Colleen (ghost written by JD no doubt). When Daisy got his first touch on Friday night, I actually didn’t realise it was him until the booing. I initially thought it was Ryan Houlihan – the triple-spoon winning player from the noughties – making a comeback.

    A million Carlton/Collingwood pieces this week. Love it. I find Carlton fans very likable and very witty when they are losing.

Leave a Comment