AFL Round 4 – Collingwood v Hawthorn: Positive signs out of ordinary game

By Suzy Lewis

I approached the MCG for the game versus Hawthorn on a balmy April evening, full of questions to be answered:

  • Are Hawthorn still our bogey team?
  • Does no Buddy equal no Hawthorn?
  • Will I need to take out a loan to buy a copy of the Footy Record?
  • Will a quarter time incident involving from Mick Malthouse, a la Milne-gate, reveal any ‘alleged’ wrongdoings by Hawthorn players? (Campbell Brown – I am looking at you)
  • Would I need to consult a lawyer in order to make a reference about ‘Hey Dad’ this year?

I was also nervous as to the quality of my second FPS match report.  I mean, ‘My Sharona’ is a good song, but no one really wants to be known as The Knack.

Early on, the Hawks showed signs of fatigue from three bone crunching games, and the Pies continued their display of dodgy disposals and no real key target up forward.  Our tackling was fierce first up, and reminiscent of the first quarter against the Saints.   

The goal from Didak, with help from a shepherding Leon, was a return to the glory days, and Daisy finally started showing us again that he was more than just a merchandising tool, thanks to a handy dribbled goal.  Even Darren Jolly got amongst the 5 goal first quarter action, which had the Piessemist clapping, much to everyone’s surprise.

The Pies had a handy lead at the first change, but our skills were consistently dreadful – kicks too long, too high, too short, out on the full, direct to the opposition.  In fact, there was more smothering going on than in the Phillip Nitschke ward of an old folks’ home.

The Pies also displayed their love for the boundary so much so that the Bronx cheers went up when we finally ventured more than 2 feet in from the boundary line when moving forward.

The second quarter saw us kick 5 goals to 1 and set up a handy half time lead.  Our defence did a great job in holding the Hawks to only 2 goals by half time, however, there were many a Collingwood supporter assuming the prayer position, giving thanks for the absence of Buddy.  We were also thankful that Luke Hodge is not a twin.  Medhurst, Didak and Davis all looked to have stepped their game up a gear, while Travis Cloke did a few things here and there to (maybe?) take himself out of the medal votes for the week.

Harry O showed again that he is the cult figure for 2010, much to the dismay of Toooooovey supporters.  Heath Shaw really started to make his presence felt in the game as his bursts off the back line and long penetrating kicks were effective.  Ben Johnson was also a handy inclusion, while Macaffer looks like he will be serviceable player.

Darren Jolly had his best game for the Pies so far this season, perhaps as a result of his conversations with the Sydney ruck coach.  While this is good for ‘Jols’ and the Pies, what does this say about our ruck coach?  Bring back Monkey this instant.

The game looked to be ours for much of the second half, although, despite a 46 point lead, Phil Cornell remarked to me that he would like the Pies to kick the first goal of the third quarter for extra breathing room (spoken like a hardened Collingwood supporter who has seen them lose the un-loseable). 

Our disposal continued to be generally terrible, and we would forever be hemmed in against the boundary line and fiddle with the ball to the ‘nth degree.  Hawthorn were as sloppy as us in this regard which meant that we got away with it, but it makes you wonder who the skills coach is (insert un-PC suggestion here!  My Phillip Nitschke reference already has me on thin ice).

In the third quarter, the Pies had a whopping 13 scoring shots to 3, for a net return of 2 goals 11 points – terrible inaccuracy again and showed that we really should have won by a lot more.  Percentage, pies!!

While the game itself was fairly ordinary, there were positive signs for the weeks ahead in the form of the pressure, harassment and commitment shown by some of those players who have been missing in the first 3 rounds.  Daisy had his best game in a long time by ‘keeping it real’ as the kids would say.  No showy stuff, just hard at the ball.  Didak and Davis could also hold their heads up high with over 45 possessions and 5 goals between them.

Steele Sidebottom was close to best on ground and looks as though he will only get better as the season goes on.  Wellingham also looks much improved, and has had a great start to 2010.

I watched with some interest throughout the last quarter for when Joffa would don the jacket (despite wishing he would just let it go altogether already – Joffa is much like Hey Hey its Saturday – slightly amusing at first, but is generally old and tired and racist, and does more harm than good).  It took him until the 20 minute mark of the last quarter when we had a 60 point lead. 

And so, with a comfortable 64 point victory under our belts, we look ahead to the big Anzac Day game and hope for a quiet week on the news headline front.  I never thought I would say this, but thank god for Brendan Fevola.  He makes Alan Didak look like Professor Patrick McGorry.   Here’s to the next Fev scandal to make us all feel a little bit more intelligent – perhaps a romantic tryst with the late Dick Pratt?  Those Carlton scumbags would do anything for a dollar.

My votes for the match are as follows:

3 votes = Dale Thomas

2 votes = Steele Sidebottom

1 vote = Heath Shaw

The Tony Woods medal for best on ground goes to Dale Thomas.

Go Pies!!


  1. Great piece Suzy. :)
    i can’t help but think that the angry email i sent straight after the loss to the Saints may have helped spur this hunger for the footy and tackles.
    After all i did mention in the email that after seeing the play against the Saints it would be ridiculous for the boys to even DREAM about winning in September!
    Finally Daisy and Cloke DO SOMETHING! It’s like cue the alleluia chorus up in heaven! Steele is a real future prospect, such an exciting player, now if only they’d play RUSLING!!

    Danni aka Mrs Jack Anthony #9

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