AFL Round 3: The 2013 ‘Mopsy’ Fraser Cup

Greetings Tipsters


Crazy Jimmy’s Herbal Emporium

The Rainbow Treehouse, Nimbin

Free mug of Bark Extract tea for all customers


I’ve mates around Hippy Central, someone flipped me this business card the other day.  There’s all kinds of things on offer.  Not just the bark extract, but calves milk, placenta du pig, essence de maiz and, by golly, a cornucopia of herbal infusions, drawn from the most ancient wisdom of the mystical lands.  Lost a leg to amputation?  Crazy Jimmy’s got a herbal infusion that will have it growing back quicksmart.


He don’t take text messages, though.  He’s too cluey for that.  Any teenage pothead can tell you that it’s unwise to send text messages about drugs.


Ross Lyon claimed the bubble for the Party Boys a few years back, but just about everyone in the AFL, players and coaches especially, is living in one.  Dank Steven, cast as the dealer in this unsavoury tale, writ “I am just working out his injections for the year. As an older leaner body I might infuse him more particularly for the recovery. I often IV the older bodies.”


In a text message?!  What the heck?!!  Either these blokes figured that they were doing no wrong or they are hopelessly naïve.  James’ replies have a ring of naivety about them, like he was dead keen to have something to fix up the rash of hammie strains and, like a teenage girl arraying pink and green crystals around an arrangement of tealite candles, was hoping that the mystical gods would impart some magic quick fix.


So Friday night made for a lot of column inches.  Did you tip the Mosquitoes?  I didn’t and I don’t think anyone but a diehard Bumbler in a tipping comp with a rule that you cannot tip against your own team would have.  The Funky Purps kicked five goals to zip in the first and we figured that was it, but the boys did it for Hirdy, mate, kicking ten goals to four thereafter.


To be accurate, they kicked 10.9 to 4.11.  The Purps fell to pieces, yet in the last 40 seconds of the match screwed up two close in shots that might have won the match for them.  Hird was staring down the barrel of his coaching career, yet an errant kick may be the making of him.  Maybe.


What the best footballer of the last 20 years doesn’t realise is that perception counts for more than reality.  He strenuously proclaims his innocence, which may well be true, but Caro and Grumpy Pat have already, to mix football code metaphors, sent him to the sinbin.  Today he “fully co-operated and truthfully answered every question.”


Being honest and truthful and upstanding may not be enough.  Does Jim have it in him to grovel and make all the acceptable noises?  “I done wrong, I’m so sorry, please don’t hate me, I just love football sooo much” all that kinda crap.


I hope he doesn’t.  For all the well-directed criticism about the EFC’s arrogance, I like it that he is gonna stick to his guns.  After all, one of the cornerstones of Western civilisation is a trial by jury in which the accused is innocent until proven guilty. Caro and Pat can bluster all they like, but he has not been proven guilty of anything and need not “step aside.”


It was a weekend of Premiership Quarters.  The Purps conceded five goals to zero, not a good look.  Satarvo, the Sparkies kicked eleven goals to one, as did the Wiggles, Sunarvo the Mayblooms outscored the 4&20s eight goals to four, but if you want to show an alien from a distant planet what is great about Australian Football, play her that term.


The Mayblooms played that match, especially after halftime, at an intensity and pace that made me think of the Pivotonians in 2009.  They’re thinking “Goddamn, we should’ve won the Grand Final last season, we’re gonna make heck sure we win it this year.”


Who will best them?  The Sparkies never start too well, matches or seasons, but are three-zip.  A fortunate draw doesn’t hurt.  The Shinboners were all over them in the first half, and are a much better team than a zip-three scoreline would indicate.  Still, it looked like someone must have mixed some Valium in with the halftime Gatorade, they hardly took a step.  Took a little while for the Sparkies to get the first two goals of the term, but once they hit that roll, they weren’t about to stop and were running and kicking like a machine.


The Wiggles finally won, but they did concede thirteen goals to the Fuschias, so we can’t read too much into that victory.  The Pivotonians beat the Café Set, as we all thought they would.


Confucian Mick isn’t gonna have a great year, is he?  Gee, remember when Big Jack Elliott recruited Coaching Guru Denis Pagan?  Just ponder that…


Watching the 4&20s play the Café Set last week I got to thinking that they’re not that good.  Sunday’s match kinda proved it.  They could stick close to the Mayblooms for most of the match, but were overrun from midway through the third.  The Tiggers are full of vim and vigour and have a great opportunity to stick it to everyone’s Old Enemy next weekend.


My favourite win of the weekend, even if I didn’t tip it, was the Sharks over the Murder.  I’d thought about this match a bit, instinct said Sharks, but I ignored it in favour of last season’s finishes.  Aint I the dumb bastard!?  Last years Blackouts are a re-invented team.  Ken has finally got ahold of a club’s reins and has re-invigorated the team, they’re playing good football, they’re three-zip, they’re set up for a decent tilt at September action.


We’re only three rounds in, so you can’t read too much into it, but it’s a funny ol’ ladder.  Three of this week’s Top Four didn’t play finals last year.  I’ll tread delicately upon a limb and declare that the only team outside the Top Eight this week that can make it to the Finals is the Wiggles.


Cheers, Tipsters


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About Earl O'Neill

Freelance gardener, I've thousands of books, thousands of records, one fast motorcycle and one gorgeous smart funny sexy woman. Life's pretty darn neat.


  1. Two to stick with Earl – The Tiggers & The Power From Port. And what a difference a season makes, eh? I just love the new look Tealers with all that Old Port Adelaide Aggression. Never had a lot of time for The Free Settlers. Just their attitude gets on my goat.

    And I think you might be right about Monochrome Army; they look decidedly undermanned, and it may have just been a long & tiring day at the office, but some of them looked a bit jaded, and Heaven forbid, disinterested. I’m giving them two chances against The Striped Marvels on Saturday – Buckley’s & Nunn.

  2. Earl O'Neill says

    The Sharks’ black strip looks the goods too. Designed by a 12 yr old girl who won the competition for a new look. I wonder how much they paid the design company who came up with the horrible strip they used to wear?

    That pot of Fig Jam is gonna spend a lot of time lost amid the middle shelf of the fridge this year.

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