AFL Round 17 preview: John Mosig’s pre-Wrap XVII


John Mosig



ST KILDA                 16        0          169.80             64

GEELONG                14        2          138.96             56

FOOTSCRAY          11        5          128.72             44

COLLYWOBBLES  10        6          112.21             40

BRISBANE               10        6          108.96             40

ADELAIDE               10        6          107.16             40

CARLTON               9          7          112.53             36

THE BOMBERS      8          8          101.33             32


THE POWER                        8          8            94.54             32

LES MISÉRABLES   8          8            92.64             32

STEAK&KIDNEY    6          10          89.71             24

NTH MELB               4.5       11          78.98             18

WEAGLES                 4          10          88.14             16

STRUGGLETOWN  3.5       12          78.92             14

THE FUCHSIAS       3          13          72.92             12

FLAKY FREO           3          13          71.82             12




Where Life Imitates Sport

What a week it’s been in Footy Eddie.  Don’t you just love the hypocrisy we get dished up from the invertebrates around at Jellymont House?  In a breast thumping maxima mea culpa they admitted that the Hawthorn v St Kilda match scheduled for Hawk Park could have attracted another 45,000 fans if played in Melbourne.  Halleluiah Andreas.  So would have the Geelong v St Kilda match.  And it only had to be shifted from one end of town to the other.  But fear not gentle reader.  With the mea culpas out of the way, the Artful Football League resumes its belligerent stance so familiar to us all.  We’re told future fixtures will be based on the crowd pulling capacity of the two teams involved.  The G will be reserved for the teams in The Eight that week.  The bottom half of The Ladder will be spilt between Homebush and Carrara.  Manuka Oval will be set aside for contests between the bottom two sides of the week.  No games will be scheduled for The Apple Isle and the AFL will be seeking a High Court injunction on Aussie Rules – to which they claim copyright – from being played in the Van Diemens Land at all.  Venues and fixtures will be announced on the AFL website on the Wednesday prior to the round.  A $300 annual fee will be charged for an AFL Access Medallion.  The computer coded medallion will entitle the holder to access the website and to a free pie and pot of under strength beer after the holder attends 10 games.  Ayatollah Demetriou broadcast this announcement via the League’s TV network.  As his hologram faded he offered the usual blessing – Don’t come bleating to me if you didn’t see this coming.  Aaaaamen


Seriously, have they gone completely bonkers around there at Jellymont House?  SOTG, the Tribal Faithful and general public are groaning under a bombardment of Football as it is.  Now those AFL drongos – pause for AFL Thought Police to burst through the door – want to extend the season to every night of the week.  While Footy may be the glue that holds this town together, spread too thinly and it won’t stick.


As the maudlin melody of the Coaches Carousel infiltrates the triple glazed walls of the Lexus Centre we find Mickey the Maltster deep in reverie in the Coach’s Box.  Plucking at the petals of an early spring daisy, he intones the childhood chant of the forlorn – he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not.  A gold framed photo of Eddie sits before him.  Meanwhile in the canteen, Bucks spreads his toast with Fig Jam and polishes his solo medal: a Brownlow.  Despite intensive metal detector sweeps of the MCG since 2002, an army of blue coats have been unable to locate his discarded Norm Smith Medal and the record of it may have to be expunged from his CV.  On the 2nd storey, Eddie exercises his mind finding plausible multiple choice answers to questions that will amuse and baffle Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’s Round 1 contestants.  His mind wanders aloud how long he can string Mickey & Bucks along until everyone signs up a coach and Bucks has nowhere to go and Mickey can go jump.  Or whether Fig Jam will take the $800K per on offer around at Arden Street.  At the front door of a registered letter with a 3121 post mark is delivered marked Attention Sir Michael Malthouse, Premiership Player, C/o Losersville Stadium.  The stage lights dim and the curtain closes as the house breaks for interval on another vintage performance of that old evergreen You Can Have Your Pie & Eat It Too.



After 16 rounds –                                                   Total     Match Points  ¼ Points


Eight Point Tables are compiled by Paul Yunken of Paul Yuncken ?Construction Development & Project Management



Up where the snow never melts, Cadell admits he’s going home to find his dog, saying professionalism prevents him from talking about the selfish bunch of pricks he’s riding with.


Freddie & The Dreamers are beside themselves with ecstasy.  Freddie’s vainglorious display – on his knees, arms spread eagle, eyes half closed in self adoration – will only make it easier to nail him to the cross by the end of the Series.  What short memories they must have over there in the Heart of Empire.  The seemingly Endless Summer of 06/07 appears to have faded.


As for the Seth African mercenary they have hired to lead their rabble of pirates and n’er do wells, nothing can save him from the ignominy he has brought to the noble position and to the Three Lions he wears over his black heart.  Nor can English blame be voided by pleas of ignorance; they knew he came from a nation of cheats when they passed his hand with silver.


Now this is not the end.  It is not even the beginning of the end.  But perhaps it is the end of the beginning.  And so on to Edgbaston.  The Saggy Green will fulfill its destiny.


But enough of my gabbin’. Let’s see who’s going to be strutting around town after the XVIth Round.


The Woodsmen v The Silvertails on the Big Stage tonight.  The Pies have reacted savagely.  The elusive Dick has been dropped after a shocker last week against The Hawks.  The Gippslander Wellingham joins him.  They weren’t the only ones who failed last weekend, but it was never going to be Diddums Didak despite his undisciplined display.  Nathan Brown also misses – with a dickie knee.  The Blues have lost Anderson and dropped the will of the wisp Hartlett.  Look, this is going to be a beauty.  You wouldn’t have had Collingwood in a hamburger after last week.  The Miseries looked super impressive slaughtering the undermanned and dispirited Sydney.  They could move up into the Four with a win here, or at least be knocking on the door.  Those astute judges around at the Tattersals Club have both in the red, with Carringbush a shade shorter.  Judd is in blistering form, then again so is Swan.  Golly Josh will be missed and Wood will have to cover the Kreuzer.  There’s not really a lot between these two.  Carlton are a bit Fev happy, and why wouldn’t you be when he’s in Coleman Medal form.  He was stupendous against THE TIGERS a couple of weeks back and there’s some doubt over Presti.  Fisher’s getting better with each game.  However, they say you learn from defeat, and The Maggies were belted by this mob in Round VIII.  As well as Hawthorn’s tutorial last week.  Have they learnt enough to win?  They’re young and will be smarting from both those losses.  They’ve only lost back-to-back once this season – to St Kilda in Round VII followed by Carlton.  The Blues have been inconsistent.  And SOTG will point to a mysterious parallel between the fortunes of The Blues and their spearhead’s success – or lack thereof – at the Lucky Shop.  The young Collingwood side were belted off their game last week.  They won’t find The Silvertails nearly as bruising.  We’ve pooled our predictive resources around here at Wrap Central and the coin came down heads – Carringbush.  But it won’t be easy.


The Pivotonians v The Mustard Pots, at The G again, this time Saturday Arvo.  The Mayblooms have hit a bit of form – at long last – and are having a romantic dip at September.  They stormed home against The Pussies in Round I but fell two straight kicks short.  It’s up forward where the two sides differ the most.  The Cats have named Lumbering Hawkins in the goal square, and don’t think for a moment that the Hawthorn defence will let an opportunity to test the Big Hairy Cat’s patience slip by.  They look stronger in the rucks too.  Young Renouf improving with each outing.  But The Moggies are no shrinking violets, and they have a line of hard ballers The Hawks are going to have to break to win.  The Leafblowers will be roaring, but The Handbags will be loaded with house bricks for this one.  The Wrap loungeroom will be decked out in the GoldenBrown of the Leafy East, and with Buddy regaining confidence, The Hawks could cause the upset.  The gamebreaker will come from Maggot Central – the Artful Footy League has bowed to the Mothers of Melbourne and appointed the no nonsense maggots Chamberlain, Jeffry & McInerny; two of whom are on the top line for the MoM Pretentious Maggot of The Year.   On the strength of The Hawkers’ natural bruising style being curtailed, we’re going with The Handbags.


The Barry Crockers v The Coasters for The Western Derby late on Saturday Arvo.  Make no mistake, this will be a cracker jack contest.  With draft picks at stake it could go either way.  The Eagles have been playing some good Footy with the Indian Ocean breeze in their nostrils.  Pavlich & Big Laurie are back for The Homeside but there’s something not quite right at Fremantle.  It’s the sort of thing that has driven stronger men than Des Headland to drink.  It’s anyone’s guess who is going to unload the better game.  We’re going with The Weagles.  They seem to be on the up.  The Anchormen are going down below.


Brissy v The Shinboners at The Gabbattoir on Saturday night.  The Lions will miss Bradshaw but it will make very little difference to Boss Voss’s Mob.  The Kangas have swapped their line-up around a bit to put on show what they have.  And that’s a good thing.  But it’s Brissy for the rent money this week.


The Saints v The Doggies under cover on Saturday night.  Undefeated 1st v five times loser Footscray. Sitting at 3rd.  Three of those losses were when The Bulldogs had a bad dose of Kennel Cough back in Rounds IV to VI.  They aren’t without a chance in this one.  And The Sage Pundits have it 8&8.  The Bagmen have it $1.50 to $2.50.  The Saints have been weakened by the loss of Kossy at one end and the Cult Hero Zac Dawson at the other.  They can cover Big Bad Zac with the evergreen Maxie Hudghton & Syd Fisher has had to take over at CHF.  But it’s the return to The Culture Club mentality that worries SOTG.  We thought Ross Lyon had purged that from Moorabbin.  Can The Scrays take advantage of a possibly unbalanced Saint Kilda?  They certainly have the pace, the nous and skills.  Their only two losses since The Saints beat them in Round VI have been by 1 & 2 points.  And we’re tipping they’re going to be just as frustrated and just as disappointed by Sunday morning.  The Feeling Faints in a thriller to prove yet again that GTWTCO.


The Dees v The Swans on a frosty Sunday in the national capital.  Are The Redlegs tanking?  Who knows.  We’re just glad that the late great Norm Smith is not here to see what’s going on at the selection table in the Longroom.  Although we doubt it would surprise him.  They’ve brought in a couple of debutants and promoted Brock Mclean, Man Mountain Jamar, Green, Grimes & Robbo to Casey Fields for The Scorpions’ danger game against The Coburg Tigers.  And to think some people call that tanking.?  Come on, Casey are scheduled, on current form, to play for September Glory.  Why not give them an edge.  The Swans are better than they showed last week against Carlton and should be able to pull this one off with their aging but capable team of premiership players.  The Bloods to revenge last weeks hiding.


The Essendon Bombers v THE RICHMOND TIGERS at The G on Sunday arvo.  THE TIGES blitzed The Shinboners last week and by the Long Break held a seven goal margin.  This has been the story of their season.  They’re playing longer when they do kick it, but they’re still looking around for someone to handball to.  Their flowing game is second to none, but their concentration lets them down and once they slip back into stop start Footy they are easy picking for the opposition.  And their opposition their Sunday is not the sort of team you give any air to.  It will be  a good test for The Bombers.  And there will be times when they’re going to be a bit worried.  This is not the same RICHMOND outfit they met in Round III.  However, they should prevail.  But don’t bet on it.  THE TIGERS are due for a win.


The Rest v Port Adelaide in the shadows of Mt Lofty late on Sunday.  The Crows were mauled by the Junction Oval Seagulls last weekend.  They haven’t been the only side to suffer this humiliation.  They didn’t string together seven wins straight before last weekend.  They’ll bounce back, and even though rumour has it that Chokko has signed up for more torture around at Alberton, he hardly seems to have been given a ringing endorsement by  the club.  Coach Craig will have salved his players bruised  egos and have The Chardonnays ready to pop their cork again.  Once Bock has taken Tredders out of the contest there’s not a lot else The Crows can’t cover.  It’s The Pride of South Australia for us here in the Wrapcave.


Good tipping and even better punting.


And remember, if you read it in The Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.




Please Note – The Wrap will be taking a short break next week and will be back on air for Round XVIII

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.

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