AFL Round 12: The Wrap

By John Mosig

What a round it’s been in Footy Eddie.  A short one, true, but full of drama.  Firstly The Bombers risk a fine for bringing THE GAME into disrepute with a thorough spanking of The Wretched Redlegs.  The Pies run hot for Coach Brewery’s 600th and put a bit off pressure on the Coach Selection Committee around at McHale Stadium.  And to finish off the round, The Dangerous Dockers ran The Team That Would Be Premiers to a near thing over in The West.

But hey, what’s going on at Jellymont House?  Is there any form of intelligent life there?  Blind Freddie could tell you that they’re walking into the desert out in Western Sydney.  Raised in the Eastern Suburbs & the North Shore on Ra Ra Rugby, and in the West & South on the version for Neanderthals, Aussie Rules is an alien culture up there.  Then throw in the follows from the World of the nil all draw.  Never mind getting a tribal rivalry going.  This city is only interested in winners.  When The Swans were winning it was fashionable.  The grazing herd is ever moving.  Are we asking too much for a ‘we were wrong’ from the invertebrates in charge of OGG and the groaning coffers deep in the bowels of AFL headquarters?  Or do we standby waiting for the train wreck?  A rain wreck of sub prime potential.

This disaster move into Steak&Kidney is sure to keep us entertained for some time, as we speculate and prophesise.   Like what do you make of the news that Sheeds has knocked back a position on the advisory board called together as part of the process of forming the fabled WS18?  It only seems like yesterday he was spruiking the opportunity of moving into a market of 6.5 million punters.  Has he got cold feet?  Or, as the girl at the front desk would have us believe, wants to avoid a conflict of interest when he applies for the coaching position.  Always a great fan our Nurelle, but no pet, Lloydie was only joking when he said Sheeds would make a fabulous first coach as The Sydney Inventions.  In fact his exact words were that his ex-boss would make an ideal first coach.  Think about it love, that could mean several things.

The Coach’s Carousel continues its unearthly tinkling tune.  So far it’s driven the Junk Yard Dog to throw himself onto his clipboard and The Plough into a media career on Channel Rove.  (How quick was that? – Ed)  Could its eerie echoes have also driven Fig Jam to Notre Dame seeking solace, if not salvation?  With Mick the Maltster steering The Young Maggies so splendidly, the opening at the Lexus Centre may be through the backdoor as an assistant.  That would make a very crowded bullpen wouldn’t you think?

But enough of my gabbin’. Let’s see who finished down the well in Part II of Round XII

ESSENDON 19.17 (131) d MELBOURNE 13.5 (83)

The Bombers v The Fuchsias .  Lord save m’ days.  You wouldn’t have ‘em in a hamburger.  Just when you get ready to praise the work The Geish is putting in down at Maggot Central they come up with this.  Essendon’s first three majors came from three frees that would have to be contenders for the softest of the year.  And I thought they were cracking down on staging.  One of Lloydie’s goals could have come straight out of the Bruce Andrew’s Hints & Advice on How to Play Football.  The defender puts his arm around you so you throw yourself back on him, make no attempt to go for the ball, collect a free and kick goal.  And that 50m penalty against Paul Johnson.  He was off Paul, you did nothing wrong son.  The Bombers might be crowing, but they haven’t much to crow about other some percentage and Four Points.  It’s the Eight Points that count.  They have a chance at Eight Points next round.  The Silvertails at The G.  They’ll need to do a lot better.  Pretty Boy bagged for the night.  One a gift from a staged free and the other a gift from an Aaron Davey turnover.  Good to see Scotty Lucas getting into it a bit, and Welshy will be pleased with his game.  And of course, with such an important match coming up, Mark McVeigh had to go and get himself booked.  Welcome to Whingy Hill Knighter.  You deserve better.  And so do the Long Suffering Longroom Faithful.  Surely they’re not going to take Jack Who up to The Gabbattoir next week?  Don’t they tackle on The Public School Comp?  Someone better tell Cyril Riollo.  Don’t get me wrong; he may go on to be a world-beater, but he’s not up to the pace of The Game at the Highest Level just yet.  Let him get his HSC first Jimmy.  And have his first kiss.  Liam Jurrah’s already done his HSC by the look of him.  Got a bit of attitude too.  That won’t do him any harm.  As for the rest of them – hand out a few gold watches and some DCMs and start all over again.  Maybe starting with the Football Department.  Something’s not quite right out at Casey Fields.

CARRINGBUSH 13.11 (89) d SYDNEY (9.12) 66

The Bloods v The Woodsmen.   The Maggies looked as though they wee going to run away with this one, but The Swans regrouped and had The Visitors reeling at the Citrus Huddle.  With Pendlebury out for the night, and maybe longer, and Jack Anthony nursing a Jumper full of bruised ribs, it looked ominous for them.  With Roberts Hyphen dominating down back for The Bloods and Cloke hopeless with his kicking when he did get a set shot, The Homeside hammered the goals in the opening 10 minutes of the final quarter, but all they could manage was to draw level before they ran out of steam.  But as we always say around at The Wrap – GTWTCO.  And these Pies are good enough for September.  Diddums Didak put in a blinder but BBBBarry was BOG for ours.  The way he picked up Cox after a tackle and shook him like a terrier shaking a rat was the stuff that pulls them in through the turnstiles.  Cox had been mouthing off all night and Bazza was just letting him know he was playing with the big boys.  And his thumbs up after the umpire admonished him was all class. Although the Mothers of Melbourne may not agree, he got our votes.  This was a classic encounter and The Woodsmen deserved their win, the 7th on the Stewie against The Bloods.  You could honestly say they had the wood on them.  The maggots let the match flow, which means they missed a few.  Unfortunately more of them would have been to Sydney’s advantage than Collingwood’s.  You’d have to say it was the end of The Tinseltowners’ 2009 Campaign.  At 5&7 they have The Pride of South Australia next Saturday over in the City of Churches.  Carringbush have the bye against Freo at THOF on Saturday arvo.

GEELONG 13.16 (94) d FREMANTLE 11.9 (75)

The Anchormen v The Handbags.  Are we along in thinking The Sleepy Hollow men are looking a bit hollow?  The Big Hairy Cat was once again the brittle Cam Mooney.  And there were plenty of others along for the ride.  It took Brownlow Hungry Ablett, the Go To Chapman and the Magician Johnson to pull this one out of the fire.  True, it was their 2nd trans Nullarbor train trip in a fortnight.  Let’s see how they shape up back at Cat Central next round against Chokko’s Chokers, but somewhere in an operations room south of Tommy Bent’s statue they’ll be going over the tapes of this game; and the one last year where Freo ran The Millionaires to the NPM.  Maybe Mark Harvey knows something about how Bomber Thompson coaches that we’ve overlooked.  The Dangerous Dockers will worry a few sides this year.  They’ve got some young goers and are developing a strong team ethic.  Once they get a taste of blood and a liking for raw meat they’ll start to mauling a few sides.  Pavlich’s an out and out star, and Hill, Suban and De Boer are all for the future.  Laurie Sandilands is a dominant ruckman who marks around the ground.  Chris Tarrant is killing them at Fullback and they’ve got some hardmen in Schammer and our old friend Dean Solomon.  They’ll need to bring every bit of that hunger with them next week when they play The Woodsmen on the big stage.

*SS – Sinking Ship

And remember, if you read it in The Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.


About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.

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