Adelaide University Football Club-C1 1st Semi Final v Ugley: Happy Hunting Ground


Adelaide University 12.22 (94)
Unley Mercedes Jets 7.4 (46)
Goals: B. Meier 5, A. Howard 2, D. Jean 2, B. Cox 1, D. Tofan 1, J. Beilby 1
Best: B. Cox, B. Meier, C. Schiller, R. Doecke, L. Rogers

It takes a certain breed to be a lower grade coach at the Blacks.

Thursday night selection saw Dirty fretting about who he would have to leave out of the rejuvenated Chardonnays side for the second week of the finals campaign against the Ugley Mercedes Jets.

Before making the big decision, he was urged to make a couple of calls to check on lads who hadn’t been sighted all week.

Turns out there were good reasons aplenty for non-appearances on the track – The big Frenchman, Alby Turner and the Hyphen all were out of town (the latter, as it turns out, locking in a leave pass for Mad Monday by putting a ring on it – now that’s strategic thinking), while Keefy Richards had the feet up (no doubt fag in hand), nursing a crook ankle.

In the space of a couple of minutes, Dirty went from having one extra to two short.

Fortunately, this is not an uncommon occurrence, and Dirty is certainly a certain breed. In between trying his luck with the work yoga instructor post- Friday night drinks (result: no score), he was able to cajole some likely types, in the form of Mr September Sheridan (out of hibernation early) and Colonel Clunk Schiller from his application for the next series of The Block (the lad also managed to score an invite to the league medal on the back of his four games).

The Mitcham Girls High School oval has been a happy hunting ground for the Chards, none moreso than Slipper who fondly recalled the first time he explored what was then a bare wicket. He was one of a handful who got some good touches early, with Filthy, Okely Doeckely and the Scary Killer all hitting the contests hard.

But while we should have been kicking ahead, we were kicking behinds, and were more wayward than Howie at a salad bar.

The all-too-familiar twang of fearless leader Road Kill Beilby’s hamstring was a blow, and when the Ugleys kicked a couple of cheeky ones just before half-time, they were still in with a sniff.

The match was taking a toll, both physical and emotional, on Dirty, who smoked zero durries during a game for the first time since 1986 (Maths Science students will note that was more than a decade before he hung up the boots).

As the side’s token Greek, at halftime Katsy took it upon himself to channel his inner Socrates. He loudly extolled the virtues of courage, commitment, and loyalty, and educated us on a certain Greek word (Yiros? Retsina? Dolmades? It was something like that anyway) that encompasses all of these, while defying English translation. Slipper even managed to catch some footage, reproduced here

It was stirring stuff (though not enough to lift him above Simon Katich and Apache Cat in Levis Jeans’ list of favourite cats), and is the closest many Chardonnays will come to a classical education … clearly we were in for something special in the second half.

Sure enough, after a couple of momentary lapses early, it all came together in the third term as we hit our stride and occasionally started threading the big sticks.

There must be something suss in Coxy’s sunscreen, because the big ranga shines when the sun comes out. He was huge while the six-headed monster that was our forward line clunked everything in the air (shame we couldn’t say the same about the goalkicking).

The Ugleys were done by the last term as we set about putting them to the sword. And the only thing more comical than Sparky’s miss from a set shot in the goal square to give us our 22nd point, was the Ugleys’ persistence with the halfback huddle that, once again, delivered us a turnover and our 12th goal. Quag Meier contributed 5.

We ran out 48 point winners, but it shoulda been closer to 90 such was our dominance. The Ugley Jets loudspeaker dude was deathly quiet.

It was enough to bring a tear to Super Calley’s eye, and for about the hundredth time this year he told us he loved us boys (at what point do we start worrying about his newly minted marriage?).

Anyway, if the ultra-early playing time is good for anything (apart from our strike rate) it’s the chance to spend the WHOLE afternoon on the cans. Sorry love, the lawnmowing will have to wait another week.


  1. Another great report…

  2. Another ripping read…well done Chards and (spoiler alert) congrats on making the GF!

  3. Congrats on another win boys … “persistence with the halfback huddle” … have to laugh as we’ve been perfecting this all year with my son’s U18s side before they take on the big wide world of senior footy … and the sad irony … the side is a combined Hawks/Jets outfit ;)

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