The Round 11 Post Wrap: The Bloodbath Round



Where life imitates Football

Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.  On Thursday night, a team that had played three matches in 12 days, including a trip across the Nullarbor, was mismatched against a team that hadn’t had to go at full tilt for a fortnight.  On Friday night there was another lopsided affair that saw The Pies boot their highest score for the season.

On the Saturday the Fuchsias continued their march to respectability with a spirited showing against The Tealers up in the Shadows of Anzac Hill.  Up under the palms, The Bad News Bears jumped The Miseries, coughed up the lead and won it back by the time they rang the bell for full time.   While down at The Nightmare on G Street, the EFC sent Richmond’s season into free fall as they held The Endangered Species goalless for two quarters of Footy.

Come Sunday and The Pride of South Australia injected a touch of reality into The Suns’ Season in the early one.  The Mauve Miasma did what was expected of it against The Valiant Scrays.  The Mayblooms got out of gaol against The Orangemen.  And North put the cap on West Coast’s 2014 Season.

Here’s one for the G-Mac – scheduling.  Next Friday The Cats’ home match is scheduled for Ethelred Stadium.  It starts at ten to eight on the Friday night.  With a Hundred Minutes of Football, plus time on, plus huddles and shed time, the match will be ending around that 10.20 mark.  By the time you get to your car out of the car park and back onto the Princes Highway it could easily be 11 o’clock.  (Makes the PT option from Spencer Street Station look attractive – Ed)  That gets you back to Waurn Ponds around the witching hour.  Call us aging here in the Wrapcave if you like, but that’s too late to be getting home from The Footy.   Okay, if you start it any earlier it doesn’t give the punters from Sleepy Hollow time to get settled in before The Bounce.  So why not kick off on a Saturday Arvo – around that 2.10 mark Gillon?

So the World Game is riddled with corruption at every level.  But this is hardly breaking news.  What is breaking news is that the World has had enough of it – both the evilness of corruption and the wealth squandered on the lavish lifestyle of players & officials.  Are we once again seeing life imitate Sport?  But will we see any change?  Only when the fans start voting with their feet.   Furthermore, do you really want your kids exposed to these sorts of goings-on?

But enough of my gabbin’.  Let’s see who’s headed for Football Heaven in Round XI.

The Bloods v The Pivotonians.  If you’d just stepped out of The Abbottsville Express straight from Planet Looney Tunes and been taken to the SCG on Thursday night you’d wonder what sort of culture you’d entered.  Here was a push of city thugs monstering a poor defenseless visitor from the provinces, and no one was lifting a finger to stop it.  And hands up those who said the Sydney forward line was going to bump into itself on the small SCG?  Come on; there was more than that.  The Glenferrie Oval Gazette editorials on Buddy’s deal with Steak & Kidney thundered for over a month.  The Letters pages were full of nothing else.  But it wasn’t just a towering forward line that swung the night; The Bloods’ midfield simply ripped the Geelong defence apart.  Under manned without Lonergan & Enright, The Moggies’ defenders had no answer to the constant bombardment.  Meanwhile, at the other end of the ground, they were also being slaughtered.  It’s being heralded as the result heard around The Competition, and The Swannies certainly looked as though they could sweep all before them now that they’re back to playing Bloods’ Football, and have their forward guns primed.  They’re off to see The Wizards of Metricon next Sunday.  Meanwhile, down at Sleepy Hollow, the shock result has shaken the town to its very foundations.  Already reeling from an economic tsunami of job losses, the chill winds of reality sweeping down from Port Jackson have brought an early Winter to Corio Bay.  They’re back at The Cattery next Friday night to host The Beleaguered Bluebaggers.

The St Seaford Seagulls v Carringbush.  As valiantly as St Kida played, the result was never in doubt.  Although Player Sidebottom will have to steel himself for an adverse finding from the Star Chamber.  Some Students of The Game commented that The Maggies looked far from Mighty, despite the margin and the scoreboard.  And that The Feeling Faints are on track, just undermanned & inexperienced.  The Woodsmen have The Redlegs for the Queens Birthday Blockbuster in what looms as a replay of their rivalry from the 50s.  The Sainters are off to the Valley of Death in the shadows of Mt Lofty to take on The Ladder Leaders.

The Fuchsias v Port Adelaide.  You want an unfashionable smokie for The Fairest & Best Medallion?  (Wrap, smokies are by nature and definition, unfashionable – Ed)  Nathan Jones.  He’s bald, he’s got tatts, he gets truckloads of ball and more times than not, he does something constructive with it.  And so does Dom Tyson.  Make no mistake; The Redlegs are on the march.   With Hearts Beating True For The Red & The Blue, they ran with The Ladder Leaders all the way.  However with leaders on every line, non less conspicuous than their Skipper Travis Boak, Veteran Kane Cornes, the courageous Robbie Gray & Cult Figure Westie, The Power From Port prevailed.  They’re back at TPAO to host The Junction Oval Seagulls next Saturday in the gathering gloom.  The Dees are back at THOF for the Queens Birthday Blockbuster, in which more than a few SOTG are giving them a better than even money chance of taking the honours.

The Maroons v The Miseries.  The Flags along La Via Lygon are at halfmast this morning as The Silvertails mourn the loss of their season.  All set to go 5&5, albeit with a sub par percentage, they once more let down their Coach, their Club and their Supporter Base.  (Watch the weasel words Wrap; Fans would have been fine – Ed)  They gave Brissy a start, hauled them in, and led comfortably halfway through the Final Stanza – well, comfortably in the Context of The Contest.  Until Jarrod Waite gave away a signature 50-metre penalty.  The Philosopher Coach seemed resigned to slow moving oxen, barking dogs and The Rebuild We had To Have.  His Bluebaggers get to do it all again next Friday night when they tackle The Handbaggers OTR.  The Roy Boys are at the same venue on the Saturday night when they try to make it two on the trot against The Sons of The West.

The Dreamtime Match – The Same Old Syringes v The Endangered Species.  Let’s leave the summary of Nightmare on Punt Road to Peter Paul & Mary.  (Or even Pete Seeger – Ed)

Where have all The Tigers gone?

Long time passing

Where have all the Tigers gone?

Long time ago.


Where have all The Tigers gone?

Bombers picked them every one

When will they ever learn

Long time ago.


Where have all the forwards gone?

Fletcher scythed them every one

When will they ever learn?

Long time ago.


Where have all The Tigers gone?

Gone to draft picks every one

When will they ever learn?

Long time ago.

(You auditioning for The Singing Cowboys Wrap? – Ed)


This was it for The Striped Marvels: rebound time.  Fresh from a resounding win over The Penrith Pygmies, they looked set to repeat the exercise on The Big Stage.  With a win over Traditional Rivals Essendon, they’d lift themselves to be within striking distance of Glorious Ninth.  Instead, with the Whole Football World watching they turned on what is being loudly acclaimed as the greatest comedy act of the season.  With a Cellar Dweller finish looming, the only thing they’ll take out of this season is an early draft pick.  They have The Shinboners on the Shifting Sands next Sunday night.  The Bombers clicked from the start and threw off their lethargy of recent weeks.  Some SOTG have suggested The Toothless Tigers may have made them look a bit better than they actually are, but that aside, they looked class when they moved the ball forward.  They’re up to Spotless Stadium next Saturday night to take on The Leviathans.


The Free Settlers v Red & Yellow Horde.  Gold Coast Suns, your season starts now.  The Mighty Adelaide Crows are not all that mighty, although it should be said  they look a lot mightier with Big Tex firing.   They’ve squared the ledger and have a better percentage than Geelong.  And only a Fred Hesse Annihilation Scoreboard win behind North, Collingwood & Gold Coast.  They start the run home against The Purple Haze over there on Sunday at the traditional time.  The Sunbeams stayed with the opposition until the Final Stanza, which is really – and probably always has been – the Championship Quarter.  One again The Little Master was held, and while Swallow & Prestia stepped up to the line, his inspirational input when the whips were cracking was missed.  They have a tough run home, starting with The Raging Premiership Favourites.  It’s up at the Metricon next Sunday.

The Tricolours v The Anchormen.   You’d reckon that if The Barry Crockers were the real thing they would have piled on some valuable percentage from the opportunity playing a youngish Bulldog Outfit presented.  True, Rossy Lyon’s defensive mindset held The Tricolours to six majors over the four quarters, but they only managed to kick a baker’s dozen of their own.  And eight of those were on the board by the long break.  In a mid-season nothing round it probably doesn’t mean much, but in September it could mean a lot.  You see, it was 24 scoring shots to 21.  Freo host The Pride of South Australia next Sunday and The Boys of The Bulldog Breed host The Boys From Old Fitzroy on the Saturday night on the Shifting Sands.

The Mayblooms v the Greater Western Sydney Leviathans.   Ever notice you can never find a copper when you need one?  Get cut-off by a maniac in traffic; see some fool run a red light; where’s the copper?  Drift a couple of clicks over the limit and there’s one behind every advertising hoarding & bush.  It’s the same with Hawthorn supporters.  All we want is an explanation of what happened yesterday on The G.  All season we’ve been hearing how The Flag was Hawthorn’s to lose.  Now when you politely ask for some clarification as to how the side that was thumped by Richmond last round held a one point advantage over The Reigning Premiers at the last huddle, and all you get all is a look-away handpass.  There’s talk of the queue outside the medical rooms, but look closely and it’s the usual culprits.  Too Old, Too Slow, Too Good might have worked in the 90s, but this is the 21st Century.  Those denizens of The Leafy East who aren’t out of range, out of battery, or out of the country are texting a one word reply:  GTWTCO.   They’re dragging The Lamentable Eagles down to Lonny for the early one next Saturday.  The G-Men get to put the acid on The Dons next Saturday night at Spotless Stadium, which, to the best of our knowledge, is somewhere between Newcastle & Wollongong.

West Coast Eagles v The Shinboners.  Just when you give The Weagles the benefit of the doubt they do this to you.  If Boomer had led The Kangas under the showers at half time, it would have taken West Coast the rest of the match to edge two points in front.  Not that The Roos can feel proud about a 12-10 scoreline against limited opposition.  True, conditions weren’t ideal, but they weren’t under any pressure.  On the one hand their coach would be livid about the missed opportunity to pile on percentage, while on the other, taking Four Points home on the redeye is always rewarding.  In fact, North play better away from Melbourne than they do at Docklands.  Add Sydney & Freo away to that list, then throw in The Suns & Port Adelaide at home, and it’s quite an impressive record against interstate clubs.  They have The Endangered Species next Sunday night in the climate-controlled confines of Ethelred Stadium.  Those High Flying Birds, Kings of The Big Game are winging it down to Lonny to take on TRP for the early one on Saturday.

And remember, if you read it in The Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

The Wrapcave will be closed over the next fortnight while some renovations are put in place.  For enquiries about the plight of the RFC, please refer all correspondence to Le Pine Funerals.  For enquiries about the progress of the ASADA Review, please refer all correspondence to The Sage’s Award-winning Senior Football Writer.  For enquires as to the plight of the EFC please refer all enquiries to Downright, Lie & Procrastynate’s Senior Associate, Sir Frank Downright.

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. I confess. I confess. Enough with the hot irons and the Eagles replays. Cruel and unusual punishment.
    I thought Tippett and Franklin were their own reward. Unfortunately they are.
    I thought for a week that the Eagles were showing hopeful signs, and were not a hopeless collection of water buffaloes.
    I acquiesced in coerced preseason tips of the Striped Marvels and the Winged Wedgies in the Top 8.
    I am a fool to myself, and a burden to others.
    Now can I join you on the flight to northern climes for strawberries in the wintertime at Lords and Wimbledon? AFL sucks.

  2. Wrap – actually the Cats are playing the Blues in the Loungeroom next Friday.

    By my own calculations, and after rating each Geelong player and their contribution to the team’s scoring power, I have concluded that Lonergan and Enright add 111 points to Geelong’s score each week. Neither played on Thursday night. We’ll be fine. Truly.

  3. Rick Kane says

    Dear Mr Wrap

    What’s with all the Geelong love? They got thumped. Injuries and a tough playing schedule might account for 40 points, maybe even 50 points. But 110?

    When you write that Geelong “played three matches in 12 days, including a trip across the Nullarbor, was mismatched against a team that hadn’t had to go at full tilt for a fortnight” a reader might get the impression that they played in WA in the middle of that 12 days.

    In fact, the Pivots were coming off their own 13 day break when they went to Perth and, er, lost to Freo. They played the next game at home (arguably the best home ground advantage any club has) before having to take an hour’s flight to Sydney.

    As a fan of your dispassionate analysis Mr Wrap, I find on this occasion that you have too many blue and white hoops in your eyes to see clearly. They got thumped.

    Compare your “just a little too familiar” view of the Cats with your absolute disreagrd that Hawthorn just might have a reasonable, er, reason for its lack of spark (and ignition and horsepower) against GWS. The mighty (wounded) Hawks had 10 players out, 7 of who would be in the Hawks Top 15.

    Oh, and GWS were not leading at three quarter time. They led at the end of the First, that’s all.


  4. Peter Flynn says

    Even playing field I reckon 40-50 points to the Swans.

    This comp is compromised and rorted.

    Most of us are being rogered by a garbage (fix)ture.

  5. Peter Flynn says

    And by the way, why doesn’t the AFL pay income tax?

  6. The Wrap. says

    RK, if you don’t go easy on The Moggies you don’t get through uncensored in the Sleepy Hollow love-in that passes for the Footy Almanac.

    And good to hear from someone from Ausdoc Oval. The length of the queue outside the medical tent was mentioned – Rioli, Mitchell, Lewis, Stratton, Gibson, Lake, McEnvoy & Whitecross to put some names on paper. How accurate would be the suggestion that they’re all either carrying some age or vestigial injuries?

    Let me assure you, i have not the slightest doubt The Mayblooms will be there when the daffodils are bursting through the damp crust of Winter, but GWS? Weather, lack of depth or a fired up Giants after two crushing defeats, one by the now exposed Striped Marvels, take your pick. The Hawks came way with the Four Points, but you have to emit it was a close run thing.

    Thanks Dips. You need the brain of an Einstein to keep up with the fix & venues these days. Love the optimism. You haven’t grown, teased and bleached you hair have you?

  7. Good point PF. I say tax the bludgers. If the clubs had less of a dividend each year we’d see about 10 assistant coaches disappear from each club overnight. And the game would be better off.

  8. Rick Kane says

    Mr The Wrap

    I will emit nothing … except for my usual daily emissions (which, by the way, the Govt would make a mint from if the Carbon Tax continued).

    I will admit that we snuck through and 4 points is good enough. My call before the game was that this would be a percentage booster and hopefully no more injuries. Well, let’s just say, don’t hitch yer dreams to this dream weaver.

    Dips, down at Glenferrie, we are glad for Assistant Coaches, trust me.

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