2013 – A Season in Song: Round 11 – Unrewarded Effort

I skipped Round 10, but came up with some of my finest work after Round 11.

Not according to the selectors, but in hindsight, they were probably a bit hard to translate into one-bloke-and-an-acoustic-guitar arrangements.

But the holding the ball rule seemed to scan quite well when recited in a Manchester accent (Wonderwall had been announced that week as JJJ’s top song of the past 20 years).

Video Killed the Goal Umpire
Tommy Hawkins hit the post in two-o-nine
Up until then the goals umps were going fine
But the fans wailed, “this could cost us the flag”
oh-a-ohThe media came out in sympathy
The AFL said that we need new technology
We can no longer trust the naked eye you seeoh-a-oh
We did a review
What can you tell them ?

Video killed the goal umpire
Video killed the goal umpire
They go upstairs, we hold our breath
[Oh-a-a-a oh]

Then Jeff Garlett  played on quite foolishly
Stuck his foot out as he tripped on his own feet
And somehow, contact with the ball was made

Dustin Fletcher grabbed it
No time for a review

Video killed the goal umpire
Video killed the goal umpire
Fletcher took the kick out quick
Dobbed it long, it went quite far
Oh – aoh – oh – oh – oh
Oh – aoh – oh – oh – oh
[Oh-a-a-a ohOh-a-a-a oh]

Video killed the goal umpire
Video killed the goal umpire
In the crowd and in the bar
Its supposed to stop the big howlers
We’d be better off tossing a coin
Its inconclusive after half an hour …

More howlers from goal umpires x2
Video killed the goal umpire x7

Holding The Ball (Wonderwall)
A player may remain in possession
Of the football for any length of time
Unless the player is correctly tackled
By an opponent or directed by an umpire
To dispose of the football
Provided they comply with Law 15.2.2(b)Where a player is moving in possession
The player must bounce or touch the ball
At least once every 15 metres
Whether or not running in a straight line
I don’t believe that anybody
Understands what this rule means nowAnd the stuff about prior opportunity
Sounds a lot like Giesch’s lunacy
I would just like to explain
What it all means
But I don’t know how

Because maybe
It used to be quite plain to me
And after all
Its holding the ball

About Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt

Saw my first SANFL game in 1967 - Dogs v Peckers. Have only ever seen the Dogs win 1 final in the flesh (1972 1st Semi) Mediocre forward pocket for the AUFC Blacks (1982-89) Life member - Ormond Netball Club -That's me on the right


  1. Enjoying the posts Swish – Cheers!

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