1986 – A Year With The Blacks Round 7: Greek Goals, Roma, Russelling

Only a brief report this week, as I’ve been as flat out as a drunk lizard, taking in what it is to be an Adelaidean in these heady times.

Speaking of heady, it seemed that it was everybody’s job to whip up Adelaide Cup Fever this week. On Cup Eve, I visited the chic quarter of the CBD, you know that bit off Hindley St that houses one of our finest world class restaurants. Just next to the Pancake Kitchen is the Roma Cinema, still specialising in classy international documentaries such as Inside Desiree Cousteau (I think she’s Jacques’ niece)

It was outside said entertainment showcase that one of the performers asked me whether I fancied Old Knob in the Maiden, but I think she was confused as she had then said ‘… tonight’ even though Race 1 at Morphettville wasn’t until 11:30am the next day. I told her that one of her colleagues had already given me a hot tip, so she suggested that I visit the Cacas All-Night Chemist around the corner.

After doing just that, I spied an establishment around the other corner called the Crazy Horse, which was filled with scantily clad dancers and served very expensive drinks I gave a wide berth.

There was a huge surge of visitors coming over from the convict states to attend our Cup. In fact three of the city’s four taxis were kept busy as late as 6pm on the Sunday. Many an unwary interstate visitor has hailed a cab from our state of the arse domestic airport and asked to go to the gee-gees at Morphett Vale, only to be dumped at a Sherriffs Road TAB.

With the ongoing threat of competition from Victoria Park and Cheltenham, Morphettville has really sharpened its act, offering accommodation package deals with local luxury establishments such as the Marion Hotel or the St Leonards and cut-price entry to the Bay Disco for the early arrivals.

Adelaide racing is blessed to have the three metropolitan tracks, all offering world class urinals, including an hourly hosing out and replacement of those fragrant “lollies” that seem to dissolve more quickly as I move from beer to spirits. With attention to detail like that the racegoers of the 21st century will be spoiled for choice, mark my words.

Take That Flemington

Take That Flemington

Attending Monday’s public holiday racing was out of the question for me as I had to report on the SANFL double header. I had a modest wager on an omen tip, Conceited Man in the race that stops a suburb. It finished 13th, just behind a horse ridden by some girlie from a big Irish family in Ballarat. Why did they bother?

A bumper crowd of almost 20,000 were there to see Centrals towel Torrens and North trump Glenelg. I chased bumped into Russell Ebert in the Members and told him of my disappointment that he is no longer a playing coach. I assured him that he had a long future at the Magpies, as they are a totally loyal lot and will stick with him and they’ll never tear him apart like other clubs do when success is elusive. Look at Centrals, I told him, they’ll never amount to anything as long as they play at that ridiculously large Housing Trust built complex north of Goyder’s Line.

With my busy working week and visits to the clinic, I was unable to get out to Uni Oval for training and young Gucci was busy preparing an article for the Saturday’s Weekend supplement (“Feres or Arturo – We compare Adelaide’s best hair care providers”), but I did make it to the games.

May 24th 1986 Round 7

A1 – Griff’s Gringer Guzzlers Adelaide Uni 16.10 def Greek 12.14 (Uni Oval)

Goalkickers: Tasker 4, Antonello 2, Hall 2, Hammond 2, Gallagher 2, Kenny 2, Schulz, Moy
Best Players: Whaley, Keynes, Williams, S Parker, Hall, Kenny

The Greeks didn’t roll over, come from behind or exhibit any other characteristics normally associated with these illitrite immigerants. Why aren’t they out following West Adelaide Hellas or something? That NSL, that’s something the VFL should be worried about. The proud Greek Football Club name will live on, like those Polites signs seen on some of my favourite haunts, well all of them actually. I won’t be surprised to find one of those blue and white signs on Parliament House soon.

To the footy. The Blacks have survived their recent self inflicted kerfuffles and are looking settled at 5-2. I saw that young John Gallagher get a free for around the neck today – first time for everything. Young Tasker looked the goods again and Whales’ elbows were BOG, followed closely by his knees and right fist.

A8 – Glamour Side Adelaide Uni 12.14 lost Gaza 13.9 (Park 9)

Goalkickers: Hansen 3, Maddern 3, M Watson 3, Graetz, Raschella, Roberts
Best Players: Case, Kidd, M Watson, Hansen, Dutschke, Raschella

Sniffer Passaris - Timekeeper and Pariah

Sniffer Passaris – Timekeeper and Pariah

Over at beautiful Park 9, the result was anything but against the mob from the trotting track, as Young Maddern’s notes will attest to.

Coach’s Notes: With three minutes to go the Glamour Side is four points in front and seems certain to win. But Sybil Fawlty has different ideas. He concedes a push in the back in the back pocket and two 15-metre penalties and Gaza score from short yardage. Nasty Nigel at full back has different ideas as well and when his opponent takes a mark 40 metres out from goal, Nasty is in close attendance, on less than 40 metres away. And, guess who, that’s right, Sniffer also has different ideas. One point down, 10 seconds to play Sniffer has the stop watch and his finger on the siren. The Glamour Side gets the tap, the handball, the run, the kick to full forward, the run of the ball off hands and … the siren! The Experiment claims religious purity. He is condemned by hedonists, atheists, Price Waterhouse, the Congregational Church, the Bhagwan and his family.

A9 – Sty Council Adelaide Uni 18.19 def Burnside Kensington 11.7 (Newlands Reserve)

Goalkickers: Forbes 4, Taylor 4, Lane 3, Davidson 2, Schwerdt 2, Harcourt, Heath, G Pattison
Best Players: Fahey, G Pattison, Lane, Richardson, Forbes, Culley

With land values at a premium at this end of town, the Council took on both Burnside and Kensington on their postage stamp sized ground. The annoying overhanging canopy of gum trees might be fine in Summer when the Kensington Cardinals play, but with one set of goals at home plate, the other at second base, this would have been better off as a twelve a side game. This suited playing coach Sty Fahey immensely, not leaving the centre square until the final siren, shoving the ball down the gullet of his waiting small blokes, who then launched the ball forward into the grateful clutches of the Spaceman.

Solomons Carey - allegedly

Solomons Carey – allegedly


Allegedly the Council has a captain by the name of John ‘Solomons’ Carey, but you wouldn’t know it from perusing this year’s results. His nickname has something to do with carpets and laying, but I’m still coming to grips with this undergraduate humour stuff.

Rory Lane, a skinny rookie with immense stupidity courage was a standout today, but with such a non-descript, almost feminine moniker, Chocka struggled to come up with a suitable nickname. I’d go with Penny.

Gordon “Apply Liberally to the Affected Parts” Agars

About Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt

Saw my first SANFL game in 1967 - Dogs v Peckers. Have only ever seen the Dogs win 1 final in the flesh (1972 1st Semi) Mediocre forward pocket for the AUFC Blacks (1982-89) Life member - Ormond Netball Club -That's me on the right


  1. Brilliant Swish! So evocative of mid 1980s Adlaid. “Polities House — Princes Group”
    Solomons — a champion club man. “Here’s to Solomons he’s true blue, he’s a piss pot through and through…”

  2. Agh. Its all coming back to me now. 10 years in Repressed Memory Therapy only to learn that there are some things best left buried. Like Feres Trabilsie and Arturo Taverna. Feres – flash as a rat with a gold tooth. Was he a Westies man? Seem to remember Feres with the triple decker hair (long before the Donald) doing a bit of cross-promotion on the Ch9 Sunday Footy Show.
    Are you sure that lass outside the Roma didn’t offer you a Head Start with a Beauty?

    It’s all coming back to me now – Vin Amadio Homes. Flying Fascia. Brick Veneer backed from 9/2 to 6/4 in the last on Adelaide Cup Day. I wondered how Crio’s dad became the proud owner of a row of half finished semi-detached units in Blair Athol?
    The horror. The horror. Enough please Gordon.

  3. Rabid Dog says

    “Arturo taverner, he knows what you wa-ant. Arturo, he knows what you want.” Classic.

  4. Ahhh those urinals at Victoria Park. Just like the ones behind the old members stand at Adelaide Oval.
    Either through poor design or decades of wearing down from heavy set plugger wearing men, they actually funneled the urine onto your toes.
    My nostrils are still burning from those lollies.
    This article is not just memories. It has had a physical effect on me.
    Off to do a wee and have a lie down.

  5. Repressed urinal memories now? The loos underneath the Adelaide Oval scoreboard were terrifying to an 8yo brought up to believe cleanliness was next to godlinesss. Mum wouldn’t let us touch anything without washing our hands. Twice. Why was grandad bringing me to this place ankle deep in “water”? And where exactly did the urinal start and the floor stop?
    The horror. The horror. Off to glad wrap the toilet seat now.

  6. The Spaceman kicked 4 goals! My god I don’t remember that, yet I should considering what a red letter day that should have been. I hope we chaired him off the ground after such a herculean effort. What I do recall of that match is that on at least 2 occasions those damn overhanging gum trees intervening with kicks that sailed towards our leading forwards but the ball deflecting away, much to our chagrin.

  7. There’s not sufficient reference to the Sheriffs Road TAB on this site, or the internet in general. Thanks Swish!

  8. Malcolm Ashwood says

    Brilliant Swish ahh those toilets in the magic cave aka ad oval members.If you are meant to gain admission upstairs for honesty,Sniffer booked a bloody front row seat on this day

  9. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    Thanks one and all

    6% – … he tried to go to Heaven but he went the other way

    PB – Yep, Feres was a Westies man. I hear that Joseph was a bit miffed that he wasn’t in the Gucci shootout

    Rabs – Is there a jingle that you don’t remember?

    Daly – d’ya reckon the blue ones were more effective than the yellow?

    Big Jim – oh yeah, the footy. I woulda kicked ten if I wasn’t blinded by falling gumnuts.

    Mickey – I’d be surprised if Gordon had been further south than the Tonsley myself

    Book – Sniffer, er, Eric Passaris lost that seat upstairs when he became a partner with a major accounting firm.

  10. Crazy Horse OK, but what about the Bay Ganew? Missed out there too? The Morphett Arms and the Warradale also closer to Morphettville than the Marion. But what a great set of memories! And that urinal under the stand at the Oval had more channels than Foxtel and nobody seemed to have any idea where they went, because the flood level seemed not to abate.

  11. Nice.

  12. I’d forgotten about the trees Jim. My memories of that game are Sty tapping to himself as rover and hitting a forward on the chest while the opposing ruckman was still coming down and at one stage the ball rolling down the hill!

    Putting Solomns and tunnels in the same story leads me to memories of the Undergound and Portabello, late, very late.
    Nice reference to the Bay Disco as well. I think we had a 6Res excursion there once (again speaking of Solomons) while Rabs was behind the bar. Another fine night

  13. charlie brown says

    Brilliant Gordon.
    You have reminded me that I went to Beaumont Scouts with Feres Junior. Not sure if I picked up any hot tips there.

  14. Swish
    I have absolutely no idea what is going on in these pieces,
    but nonetheless am greatly enjoying them.
    P.S. I once frequented the Crazy Horse whilst on a footy trip.
    An education indeed for the young traveller.

  15. Dave Brown says

    Weird Crazy Horse postscript – when he did the Late, Late Show Craig Ferguson would regularly tell a story of spending his 29th birthday at the Crazy Horse. One episode he is telling the story, which would come up every time Australia got mentioned, who should come out of the audience but Paul Makin with Crazy Horse merch. Don’t think I’ve cringed that much since the last time I saw Christopher Pyne wearing a Norwood scarf

  16. Cabbage Patch Kid says

    Just loving the old stories Swish!

  17. Smokie and Dave- can we please use the preferred nomenclature: the Mad Equine Centre?

    Dave- this story is so ridiculous that it can only be true. Surely, it’s on YouTube?

    Great story and excellent comments.

  18. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    Bucko, was Abe’s HQ still running in 86?

    TC – Ta

    Culls – the return bout was more controversial

    Charlie – think Feres Jr might have been a Rostrevor boy. Chucked chewy at Mrs Swish at a Festival Theatre school matinee in 1975.

    Smokie – were you the Pres then?

    Dave – Paul Makin, a poor man’s Max Stevens. Evidence?

    CPK – you must have a few of your own

  19. Brett 'BD/The Levitator' Dutschke says

    I’ve always felt like Elizabeth was north of Goyder’s Line and that urinal was definitely south of it, right where the water table was above ground. St Leonard’s (Lennie’s?) Allegedly had more entertainment in the line-up outside – once inside the DJ (Arturo’s nephew) dominated, he thought he knew what we wanted.

  20. Dick Kimber says

    Swish …this is rip roaring Boys Own Annual stuff. Bit peeved I got injured first A1 game of season 1986 but still vicariously enjoying the commentary and the memories.

    I remember Sty Fahey with fondness and his wit..he would occasionally get rucking duties in the A1’s, but cap coach of A9 always had its advantages.

    Yours in Bob,

    Dick “The White Lion” Kimber

  21. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    BD, Gordon preferred to use the hotel’s formal name, stuffed shirt that he is.

    Dick, thanks. May Bob be with you too.

  22. Phillip Dimitriadis says

    Greeks ‘rolling over and coming from behind’ . Come on Swish time to update your stereotypes !!

    The last few years we’ve been forced to roll over and take it from behind.

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