1986 – A Year With The Blacks Round 3: From Little Things Big Things Grocke

April 26 1986: Round 3

A1 – Griff’s Greedy Guys Adelaide Uni 15.18 def Port District 9.12 (Largs Reserve)

Goalkickers: Schulz 4, Suter 3, Burfield 2, Hall 2, Antonello, Gallagher, Huston, McDonough

Best Players: Antonello, S Parker, Bland, Schulz, Hall, Suter

Your correspondent didn’t take the trip down to Woolnough Rd, fearing a reprisal of the last time I was there watching a Semaphore Centrals game sometime in the 70s. Those blighters spiked my Black Label with something from an Angove’s cask and after the twelfth glass I was feeling rather peaky.

My spies (thanks Sandy) tell me that it was never in doubt. Sarge Schulz is in line for State team honours at this rate and 1982 Rocky’s Ratpack premiership player Tim Suter put in a blinder in the ruck. The Blacks walked a foot taller with Andrew ‘Anton’ Antonello controlling CHF. Actually, they probably hid behind him and pulled faces at their Cold Chisel loving opposition, but any win north of O’Connell St is a bonus.

A8 – Glamour Side Adelaide Uni 21.9 def Kilburn 10.8 (Park 9)

Goalkickers: Madddern 7, Lee 3, Singleton 3, Stewart 3, Coleman 2, Ashwood, Raschella, Schultz

Best Players: Flavel, Case, Hansen, Lee, Coleman, Singleton

After watching the early game at Park 9, at least this was a contest of sorts. Coach Maddern scored three of his goals from Park Terrace, the rest from the Hackney Caravan Park, in a typically wiiidde display. It would have been more if he had been able to resume his position at the first change of ends, but the O-Bahn conveyance that he hailed took him directly to North Terrace, so he missed the entire second quarter. To the rest of the club’s chagrin, the Glamour Side appears on track for a spot in the finals.

Coach’s Notes – The Glamour Side is introduced to the Motor Cycle and Tattoo Club’s Human Idiot who tries unsuccessfully for three quarters to knock himself out by hitting his head on Lee The Chinaman’s shoulder. He fails. The Big Chinaman however is so psychologically maladjusted by the experience that he doesn’t play again for 14 weeks. The half back line of Flavel, Hansen and Case dominates. In the coaching move of the season that line never plays together again. Despite brutal physical assaults by Kilburn thugs, including by the man who smeltlike the inside of a pizza, Rambo is reported for dialing one of the Kilburn players. After one of the great pieces of modern advocacy by the Silver Bullet, Rambo’s 2-game penalty is suspended until 31st december 1986. After the hearing he confides to the Bullet that it’s his second good behaviour bond.Salute Rambo “Two Bonds” Krcmarov.

A9 – Sty Council Adelaide Uni 29.15 def Adelaide Lutheran 0.2 (Park 9)

Goalkickers: Taylor 8, Goodwin 4, Heath 4, Leyland 3, Fahey 2, Gough 2, Martin 2, Priest 2, Davidson, Schwerdt

Best Players: Heath, Taylor, Goodwin, Priest, Richardson, Schwerdt

The early game at beautiful Park 9 was proof that sport and religion shouldn’t mix. It must have been tough to find twenty fit and able souls from the combined Zweck, Pietsch, Gerhardy, Eckermann, Liebelt or Bradtke families to go around for the Lutheran thirds. Not even a Waldhuter or a Grocke. Perhaps it was tricky finding somewhere for their horses and carts to park, or is that the Amish, I always get them mixed up? Sty even offered the Bulldogs the use of Krautblackers Stendt, Wachtel and Schwerdt but they politely declined (Stendt, Wachtel and Schwerdt that is).



Paul Pattison spent his time in defence wisely, perfecting his E.T. impressions while his teammates piled on the percentage. Apparently he has designs on being an English teacher. In England. Hee-bloody-haw.

It appears that I am a good luck charm, with nine wins from nine games. Let’s see what the coming weeks bring.

Gordon ‘Lee Knows What I’d Be Without You’ Agars

Round 2

Round 1


About Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt

Saw my first SANFL game in 1967 - Dogs v Peckers. Have only ever seen the Dogs win 1 final in the flesh (1972 1st Semi) Mediocre forward pocket for the AUFC Blacks (1982-89) Life member - Ormond Netball Club -That's me on the right


  1. Superb Swish.

    Good get on the names. The Grockes have too much talent for the thirds. They were up in the ones in A6 (?) building a platform for an assault on the premiership – even by Round 3. Don’t forget Janke, Leske, Krenske and Munchenberg (the gun utility whose father made wurst as the Angaston butcher).

    Nice O-Bahn reference.

    And, yes, the intersection at Gepps Cross is officially the end of the Civilised World.

  2. Jeff Milton says

    Maybe Patto can show his students in the UK this picture. Could go on the front cover of his PhD thesis.

  3. charlie brown says

    Brilliant thanks Swish. A thoroughly enjoyable read. Remarkable perspicacity in your observations about Patto’s teaching career :)

  4. Hilarious.
    I remember in the early eighties supporting some mates who played under 18s for the Marion Rams. They had to play Port Districts at Port Districts. Port District had been kicked out of the northern competitions and placed in one of the Southern District comps. The Southern pretty boys were not prepared for the violence that ensued that day. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen martial arts used on the field.
    5 minutes into to the 3rd quarter one of the locals drove their rumbling Valiant Hemi 245 onto the field and along the wing, it was the shortest way out of the ground.
    We left not long after the valiant, it was too scary.

  5. Tim Bryson says

    Nice one Book. It’s just such a pleasure to read. Griff at this time was Cam and my PE teacher at Marryatville High. Tough, cool and vaguely frightening.

    Love your exploits in the Glamour Side.

    By the way, this is the 20th season of the Chardonnay Socialists, next year the 20th anniversary. I’ll have to get back at some stage.

  6. King of Passion says

    I wasn’t there in ’86 but love these stories. Makes me want to get back to the Queen’s Head. Almost makes me want to put the boots on.

  7. Maddern kicked many goals from a wide flank but he also played “cmon Boris feel the radiation ” can it really be 30 years since Chernobyl – yes it really is

  8. Madden a lazy 7? Impressive.

  9. Malcolm Ashwood says

    Loving these,Swish and you took us all back to the queens head fantastic memories.A easy win against the Kilburn motor cycle and tattoo club with young kicking several very wide goals

  10. Paul Pattison. says

    Get your facts right Swish if you’re going to write about me. I already am an English teacher in England. Lovely of you to post a photograph like that without asking me. Patto.

  11. I just lol’d, as I believe the young folk say…I’m waiting for round 4 more that Game Of Thrones Ep 2…

  12. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    Thanks for all of your comments.

    JTH – I agree re Gepps Cross, except I always thought it was the southern side of that intersection that had all of the problems. Your Lutheran brethren from the Barossa may have similar thoughts.

    Monster – He may not necessarily agree

    Charlie – Gordon’s often very right or very wrong

    Tim – Rulebook’s just my pimp. But he’s a very good one.

    Daly – Was that Valiant burnt orange with black trim?

    KoP – I hear the Greys are short.

    Plug – That was next week’s thunder you’ve stolen. Thanks a lot pal.

    TC – Very lazy

    Rulebook – You win the two jugs (courtesy of the proprietor)

    Patto – You better hope that the photos Gordon took of us in the shower after the last minor round against Scotch don’t turn up

    IMS – ROFLMAO as they used to say in 2003

  13. Lovely Lisa says

    Loving it!

  14. Awwww Swish. Now you’re getting right raunchy. Heads blanked out please if you post the nudies after THAT great game lol

  15. Good one Gordon. Whilst mildly comforted by the chuggachuggachugga of the emerald green XB Falcon’s 6 large cylinders (despite all the while knowing that this actually spelled financial ruin), a trip to Largs was never a gay trip to the beach, especially for this sensitive country / Eastern suburbs lad. A certain twitchiness set in at about South Rd / Grand Junction Rd. Subsequently exacerbated by the writing off of said XB one night while visiting one Peter Barrington Kidd of Glamour side renown in leafy St Georges. A loud smash late at night. The horror. The XB – innocently and appropriately parked on the street – a smashed shell. A middle-aged / elderly woman, make-up smeared, lipstick hideously strewn joker-like, slurring comically, staccato: “No cops. Shurance. won’t pay. Geddit?” Yeah I got it sweetheart. Mercifully she was true to her promise when next sober and paid up, cash, no record, but nothing could ever replace the priceless XB. So yeah, any win at Largs was a good win. Fascinated to see next week how intimate your off-field observations are Gordon. Trouble’s a-brewin…

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