“I don’t mind the one-dayers” is hands down the most irritating thing anyone can say to me. Actually, I take that back. There are loads of things more irritating. In fact, there are so many, I don’t know where to begin! Um, so I won’t.
So to launch again, granted “I don’t mind the one-dayers” is not hands down the most irritating thing anyone can say, it nevertheless is irritating: very very irritating. (Betterish)
For me, it’s a statement that says so much about someone. Rightly or wrongly, the minute I hear it, I’m dismissive of them. Funnily enough, this ties in well their end, seeing that they’re usually dismissive of me. The bitch is getting my dismissal in before they get in theirs. And I tell you, when you’re as dismissible as me, that takes a lot of doing.
To say that you don’t mind the one dayers is clearly professing two things: a) You really don’t like cricket; and b) One day cricket is the lesser of 2 evils. On top of that, it’s also a telling revelation of your taste. It’s as though you’re saying, “I really don’t like music, but if I have to put up with it, I can handle Nickleback.”
It irks me no end that people who are indifferent to cricket, prefer the dumbed down version. Why? I’d like to think that if I didn’t like music, I’d at least have the good taste to be more tolerant of its finer practitioners. Like, I reckon I’d at least gravitate to the artists I obsess about right now, but instead of being a nutty completist, I’d just own their greatest hits. And in the case that I didn’t buy their music, well I’m confident I’d at least suffer their songs on the radio. Whatever way it worked out – owning some records or none at all – the thing is, I still reckon I’d prefer someone great and definitely not Matchbox 20.
Why is it then that people who don’t like cricket have the bad taste to tolerate one dayers? Why don’t they say, I hate cricket, but I don’t mind the Tests? Test matches are clearly the superior model. They have artistry, soul and damn it, the players all look smart in their creams. One dayers on the other hand are as garish as Geoffrey Edelson’s wardrobe (and as classless as his stripper wife too!)
Where is the person who is indifferent about cricket, but doesn’t mind the Tests? Why doesn’t he or she have a voice? Is it me? Am I mixing in the wrong circles? Should I see more art house films or go to more galleries? Will I find their voice there?
“I don’t mind the Tests.” It has such a lovely ring to it. You can imagine Frank Thring saying it, can’t you? ”Hmm, I really don’t care for those flannelled fools, but if I have to watch them, it’s Test cricket for me.”
Just once I’d like to hear it. Is that too much to ask? It would reaffirm my faith in mankind, damn it. And Christ, I’m not even choosy about it. I’ll take it from anyone: boguns, ex-cons, Adelaide fans. Hmm, on second thoughts, maybe but Adelaide fans.
I know the ACB has much bigger fish to fry, but it’s a bugbear I want addressed. In fact, I want to know if they’ve got a man on the case. Are they across it? Is this something James Sutherland and co discuss at board meetings? Is it on their radar?
To quote Cheswick from Cuckoo’s Nest, “I want something done.” When will Test cricket gain preference from those who hate the game? When will those who can’t stand the sound of leather on willow prefer creams over colors? Am I the only voice shrieking across the rooftops about this?
Is there anybody out there who shares my pain!