“I don’t mind the one-dayers”

“I don’t mind the one-dayers” is hands down the most irritating thing anyone can say to me. Actually, I take that back. There are loads of things more irritating. In fact, there are so many, I don’t know where to begin! Um, so I won’t.

So to launch again, granted “I don’t mind the one-dayers” is not hands down the most irritating thing anyone can say, it nevertheless is irritating: very very irritating. (Betterish)

For me, it’s a statement that says so much about someone. Rightly or wrongly, the minute I hear it, I’m dismissive of them. Funnily enough, this ties in well their end, seeing that they’re usually dismissive of me. The bitch is getting my dismissal in before they get in theirs. And I tell you, when you’re as dismissible as me, that takes a lot of doing.

To say that you don’t mind the one dayers is clearly professing two things: a) You really don’t like cricket; and b) One day cricket is the lesser of 2 evils. On top of that, it’s also a telling revelation of your taste. It’s as though you’re saying, “I really don’t like music, but if I have to put up with it, I can handle Nickleback.”

It irks me no end that people who are indifferent to cricket, prefer the dumbed down version. Why? I’d like to think that if I didn’t like music, I’d at least have the good taste to be more tolerant of its finer practitioners. Like, I reckon I’d at least gravitate to the artists I obsess about right now, but instead of being a nutty completist, I’d just own their greatest hits. And in the case that I didn’t buy their music, well I’m confident I’d at least suffer their songs on the radio. Whatever way it worked out – owning some records or none at all – the thing is, I still reckon I’d prefer someone great and definitely not Matchbox 20.

Why is it then that people who don’t like cricket have the bad taste to tolerate one dayers? Why don’t they say, I hate cricket, but I don’t mind the Tests? Test matches are clearly the superior model. They have artistry, soul and damn it, the players all look smart in their creams. One dayers on the other hand are as garish as Geoffrey Edelson’s wardrobe (and as classless as his stripper wife too!)

Where is the person who is indifferent about cricket, but doesn’t mind the Tests? Why doesn’t he or she have a voice? Is it me? Am I mixing in the wrong circles? Should I see more art house films or go to more galleries? Will I find their voice there?

“I don’t mind the Tests.” It has such a lovely ring to it. You can imagine Frank Thring saying it, can’t you? ”Hmm, I really don’t care for those flannelled fools, but if I have to watch them, it’s Test cricket for me.”

Just once I’d like to hear it. Is that too much to ask? It would reaffirm my faith in mankind, damn it. And Christ, I’m not even choosy about it. I’ll take it from anyone: boguns, ex-cons, Adelaide fans. Hmm, on second thoughts, maybe but Adelaide fans.

I know the ACB has much bigger fish to fry, but it’s a bugbear I want addressed. In fact, I want to know if they’ve got a man on the case. Are they across it? Is this something James Sutherland and co discuss at board meetings? Is it on their radar?

To quote Cheswick from Cuckoo’s Nest, “I want something done.” When will Test cricket gain preference from those who hate the game? When will those who can’t stand the sound of leather on willow prefer creams over colors? Am I the only voice shrieking across the rooftops about this?

Is there anybody out there who shares my pain!

About Peter Zitterschlager

More of me at www.vivtufnell.com.au. Less of me pretty much everywhere else.

Comments

  1. Tony Roberts says:

    Peter
    Here comes the cavalry.

    There are indeed people whom I have known – women as a rule, either personally or through work – who DO fit the bill of people who are indifferent to cricket (I think that ‘hate’ is too strong a word), but also have the taste and judgement to prefer Test and first-class cricket to ODI and T20 shit (if that’s not too strong a word).

    They are usually people with high-level (or at least intense) interests in other matters – politics, art, music, films and TV, literature etc. In other words, people who can tell shit from clay. If they’re listening to the radio, it’s more likely to be one of Margaret Throsby’s interviews on ABC Classic FM, rather than Mel and Matt (have I got their names right?) impersonating the Queen and Phil on 2DayFM. THAT’S your ‘I don’t mind the one-dayers’ crowd.

    Call me elitist. Just don’t call me aspirational.

  2. Peter – your “I don’t mind the one-dayers” is my “going forward”.

    Anyone who says “going forward” to me gets an ice pick in the forehead.

  3. Dips

    Can I borrow that Ice pick when your done with it?

    Tony.

    Thanks for somewhat alleviating my concerns. It heartens me that someone has come the indifferent fan who doesn’t mind Tests. In my circles, they’re as mythical as the Yeti

  4. One Dayers. It is now over 40 years since we beat England @ the MCG. Well over a thousand ODI’s have been palyed across the globe, but who rememnbers any/many ?

    They served their purpose, and were innovative in so many ways, byt nothing lasts for ever. I’m not sure if i concur with Adam Gilchrist re the next World Cup being the end, but how many more meaningless, games/tournaments can be squeezed out of an out-dated format?

    Glen!

  5. Pamela Sherpa says:

    Peter , I actually don’t mind all the different formats of the game . All have their different aspects that interest me.

  6. Hi Pamela

    I like the ODI’s too. I guess I didn’t make my piece clear. What I’m trying to say is that when you ask someone if they follow cricket it’d be nice to get a “I don’t mind the Tests.” It always seems the other way round, don’t you think? Thanks for your thoughts all the same. And glad to hear you enjoy our wonderful summer game.

  7. Pamela Sherpa says:

    Tony – the tests have a slow fascinating intrigue which I enjoy. The India- England test has been interesting. Have enjoyed watching a bit of that on TV.
    At the one dayers I enjoy the balmy feeling of watching day turn into night and the relaxed atmosphere in the crowd. In the T20′s I love the raw power and skill of the players on show and the fact that every ball matters . I know some think that T 20 play is not as skilful as test batting but I think it’ s just different . It’s interesting to see how and which players adjust to the the different formats too

  8. Jeff Dowsing says:

    I’m with Gilly in saying ODI’s may as well be phased out. They exist largely now to justify the massive money spinner that is the quadrennial World Cup. But I wouldn’t get so worked up about people who ‘don’t mind them’ – better than those who dismiss cricket holos bolis as f-ing boring.

    The shame about T20 is that it’s been so massively (and unnecessarily) dumbed down for prank calling morons. The skills that have come to the fore in that format are now surfacing in test cricket and the 5 dayers need to evolve or else they too will be headed for a slow death.

  9. Hey Jeff

    Thanks for you advice about not getting so worked up. But damn it, I just help myself. I’d be a nicer world if the people who have a shallow interest in cricket had better taste. But it’s not keeping me up nights, all the same.

    ODI’s and T20’s serve their purpose in Australia and England. They dumb down the game to introduce cricket to an audience with a short attention span. Over the last 30 years this has helped to further popularize Test cricket. Test cricket here and in England are now in rude health. The real concern is every other country. Test cricket everywhere else is floundering if not moribund. What went wrong in these countries? New Zealand now play Tests at University ovals. South Africa have just cancelled their boxing day test. Sri Lanka won’t play any home Tests at all next year. It goes on and on. Meanwhile, T20’s have become a Frankenstein experiment gone wrong. It kills me to see the only cricket that matters dying

  10. Mark Doyle says:

    People who deride limited overs cricket are snobbish wankers. You often hear media buffoons and members of the public say that limited overs cricket games are forgettable and meaningless. However, most of these people are intellectual morons and cultural philistines who have little understanding of anything. Limited overs cricket is predominantly about entertainment by batsmen and is biased against bowlers. It is also the most popular form of cricket and generates more revenue than first class and international test innings cricket. Innings cricket at both the first class Sheffield Shield and Test levels has a different focus and is a more equal contest between bowlers and batsmen. I enjoy both forms of cricket for different reasons.

  11. Mark, catch you at the next Nickleback concert

  12. John Butler says:

    And a Merry Christmas to you Mark.

    Whoever you are.

  13. Dips and Zitter, can I just say, “I don’t mind one-dayers going forward”.

  14. Jeff Dowsing says:

    I think everyone gets why they dumb down T20 T Bone, but it is so over the top they neglect their existing markets and the opportunity to bestow any credibility. Maybe that’s deliberate. But it’s an odd strategy imo, because how do you bring people across from one extreme and expect they will then support test cricket? And when the T20 novelty wears off or starts to grate, even with intellectual morons and cultural philistines, it too will fall by the wayside.

  15. Skip of Skipton says:

    I have always liked 50 over cricket. The ‘Packer Circus’ is what first drew me to the game as an 8 year old. From there I started to wach Test matches. The Ashes series when Graham Yallop’s ‘establishment’ team got flogged by the poms is the first test series I took notice of.

  16. I don’t mind indoor cricket…

  17. Peter Schumacher says:

    The thing that put’s me off the abbreviated forms of the game is the way that people attending let themselves get carried away or worse still manipulated by the artificial hype. Don’t they realise that they are being used? Can’t they think for themselves? This is exactly what turned me off basketball, as well. Just complete bloody nonsense.

  18. I don’t mind Kanga Cricket.
    Give me a Test match any day.

    As for musical tastes, you’re spot on about those muppets, Nickleback and Matchbox 20.
    I have a mate whose nickname is ‘Diesel’. He proudly told us he was going to the recent Nickleback concert in Adelaide. His nickname is now ‘Unleaded’

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