Smokie’s Williamstown CYMS column: Trump

He is the news, he fills my sports-inclined twitter feed, and every time someone has a conversation on the airwaves he gets a mention. So I think it is entirely appropriate that, at this point of the season, we should pause, we should stop ignoring the Republican elephant in the room, and pay heed to the president of the United States of America.


I must say that I fully understand how and why Donald Trump was elected. Half of the country is living at or below the poverty line, manufacturing is dead, and there are generations of families out of work. Clinton and her cronies were just more of the same – she was not offering a Scott Morrison type vision for better days ahead.


So I am thankful. How can one not be grateful to the Yanks for electing this man? Sure, there is the minor issue of him possessing the nuclear codes and therefore chance that he could unleash World War 3, but apart from that he provides us with entertainment on a daily basis. And the fact that all the daily action in the USA occurs while we are asleep means that we here in Australia can awake to a new controversy, a new outrage, a new faux pas every morning. As the days get colder, these Trumpisms certainly help in lightening the mood at dawn.


Passing on classified intel to the Ruskis? No problem: it is no longer classified if the president talks about it. Asking the FBI to drop investigations into his campaign’s links with Putin? Not an obstruction of justice at all. Claiming he invented the economic term pump-priming? John Maynard Who? Which baseball team did this guy Keynes play for? Sacking the director of the FBI? Isn’t this just another reality show, after all? The list goes on.


There is a quaint and, to be quite frank, embarrassing football tradition which has survived the transition from the old VFL to the national league: the clamour to present any passing C-grade celebrity with a club jumper for a photo-opportunity. It screams small-town, minor-league, back-water, inferiority. Yet still it goes on. Who could forget the sight of actor Rob Lowe in the after-match victory huddle, pretending he knew the words to “Good Old Collingwood Forever”? Agnetha and Frida from Abba were presented with (and looked pretty good in) Carlton jumpers. Ditto John McEnroe. Snoop Dogg once wore a Gold Coast jumper, David Hasselhoff a Swans guernsey, Steven Gerrard a Power number and even the Dalai Lama was seen with the black and white stripes. Samuel L. Jackson and Elle McPherson have been pictured in Saints gear (guess who wore it better?). This goes on also.


All this got me to wondering: if Trump were to visit Australia, which AFL club would rush to present him with a jumper and sign him as an honorary member? Granted, as probably the most famous person on the planet he is no C-Grade celeb. The Republican Party’s colours are red, so Sydney, perhaps? His hair is orange, so that would go well with a Gold Coast top. Or maybe something representing “power”: Port Adelaide?


Knowing Trump’s history and form, he would not be happy with just one club jumper. He would flip-flop from one to the other and leave the country armed with a collection. All the while, we Australians would be pondering: how could that man have been elected president? Even though we elected Tony Abbott prime minister.


About Darren Dawson

Always North.

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