By Alex Wadelton


The Gold Coast Suns had the most impressive wooden spoon season in history. If the ball had bounced their way a few more times they could well have finished sixteenth, but it was not to be.

Still, impressive victories over second-last Port Adelaide, third-last Brisbane and Richmond (no seriously, Richmond) point to the Suns rising up the ladder this year.

Never has one club had so many impressive youngsters on their list. David Swallow, Zac Smith, Brandon Matera and Charlie Dixon have the potential to earn that most over-used term of “elite”. Led by the game’s greatest player, the elite Gary Ablett, elite midfielder Michael Rischitelli, one of the game’s elite defenders in Nathan Bock, the game’s pre-eminent elite rugby league convert Karmichael “Elite” Hunt and the ghost of Campbell Brown (definitely not elite) expect the Suns to make Head Office very happy indeed as the target market for AFL expands quickly reaching a broader audience than ever before. Oh, and they’ll play footy at some stage too, but that’s of lesser importance.


Guy McKenna is clearly, by some stretch, the best red-headed coach in the AFL at the present time. Although when you think about he’s not. He’s actually orange-headed. Although when you think about it he’s not. He’s orange-haired. So, Guy McKenna is clearly, by some stretch, the best… oh, forget it.

Players to watch.

The debate as to whether Gary Ablett is better than his father Gary Ablett hots up each year. While there is no doubt that Gary Ablett is one of the best players of all time, each season that Gary Ablett has played recently sees him move up closer, if not past Gary Ablett. And as the memory of Gary Ablett’s exploits fades into the distance of time, the current media focus on Gary Ablett can only help Ablett’s standing in the pantheon of all time elite greatness. The next few years will truly tell if Gary Ablett or Gary Ablett is the better player.

For consistency in the Suns’ debut season it’s hard to go past Michael Rischitelli. So hard that it’s impossible. Because he WAS the most consistent Sun last year, apart from the actual Sun which kept providing Earth with the right amount of light and warmth to sustain life. Still, if the Sun was to collapse upon itself in the upcoming season, and for some reason the Earth wasn’t plunged into a complete annihilation as the universe heated up to thousands of degrees, most likely burning everything to cinders in minutes, Rischa would again be very reliable playing football.

David Swallow is set to explode this year. So make sure you wear a rain jacket if you’re in the front few rows.


This year the Suns plan to go to the beach in the middle of winter and get really good sun tans. Bastards.


Gold Coast will win enough games to make the top eight and then win a series of finals, including at least two knock-out finals to qualify for the Grand Final, which they will then win which will mean they are the best team of 2012. Also, Gary Ablett will get paid a lot of money.


Next up: Why bloody Hawthorn will unfortunately win the 2012 premiership.


  1. John Butler says

    Still can’t understand why Split Enz’s ‘I See Red” wasn’t chosen as the GC theme song.

    At least the lyrics would be easily available.

  2. Dave Nadel says

    But what about the Clive Palmer factor?

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