Why Collingwood will win the premiership


By Alex Wadelton


As Eddie McGuire is fond of saying, Collingwood were thirty minutes short of being the best team last year. If only captain Nick Maxwell could have figured how to play to play on the wing instead of third man up as a loose man in defence when Chris Tarrant’s opponent James Podsiadly went off injured, the Pies might now be back-to-back champions. Perhaps if Ben Reid hadn’t declared himself fit. Or Heath Shaw hadn’t missed eight games through a betting scandal. Some people even say that if Mick Malthouse hadn’t appeared on The Footy Show midseason to proclaim that the players loved him and didn’t want him to leave, Collingwood would have won the premiership.

These people are intelligent, because they are me.

Indeed, there were so many “ifs” in the Pies season, that the summer break has made many a Collingwood fan sound like a steam powered locomotive. “If, if if if if if. If, if if if if if…”

But now the time for ifs is over.

With the game’s best centre half forward in Travis Cloke, the game’s premier midfield tandem of Scott Emblebury and Dane Swan, and an elite backline of Reid, Tarrant and O’Brien leading the charge, the hunger for premiership glory will surely be as ferocious as Eddie McGuire at a buffet dinner.


In a top-secret move that has stunned the football world, Nathan Buckley has taken over from Mick Malthouse, the one-time premiership coach of Collingwood.

His Bomber Thompson-like departure caused many a ruction at Pie Land and may well have cost them the flag as outlined earlier if you read the first section of this article. (If you skipped forward to this bit first, ignore the last sentence.)

Now Bucks is in charge we will truly see whether his knocking back of North Melbourne for the second time to win premierships works out as well as it did the first time around. Our tip is it will. Hence the title of this piece.

Players to watch.

Andrew Krakouer was a feel good story last year. Indeed, it felt like he and Travis Cloke were going to lift the Pies to victory when they had registered three goals each, half way through the second quarter. But it was not to be. Still, given he was second in the Pies goal kicking last year, a full pre-season could see Krak really step it up another level.

Alan Didak had a tough year last year. The mercurial half forward was amongst the game’s elite in 2010, earning All Australian honours. But an interrupted pre-season saw Dids trying to play catch-up all year, hoping that his best form would reappear when needed. Sadly, he could never quite recapture that sparkling precision of previous years. Hopefully this year, with a full pre-season under his belt, he can once more perform at a stellar level.

Brent Macaffer is the prototype for the “good ordinary player” that all premiership teams need. He was very good in 2010 as they triumphed, but lost his place in 2011. Perhaps with a coaching change, and a strong pre-season, Macaffer can strike back and give Collingwood that extra depth required to win this year’s flag.

Oh, shit.


The infamous “press” delivered the Pies the ultimate glory in 2010. For most of last year it worked, before succumbing when it mattered most to a Geelong team that just decided to kick the bloody thing forward. No doubt, Collingwood’s coaching staff will be looking closely at what can be done. After all that’s what they’re paid to do and they’d just be taking the piss if they sat back and played XBox all day instead.

Look for Collingwood to do something that will be dissected by footy journalists with a series of back page articles written for the sole purpose of selling more newspapers.


Collingwood will win the premiership in the greatest single season in history since 2010.


Next up: Why Essendon are certainties to win this year’s premiership.



  1. Wash your mouth out with soap and water Alex.

  2. Andrew Fithall says

    That Emblebury can play.

  3. O how the hated gain airtime!

  4. i like this piece!
    Malthouse is lecturing at my uni…i don’t know if i want to bump into him…

  5. If you stand within 100 metres of him you are sure to get some benefit Danni; he is top shelf. The next bloke is a cardboard cask. They shooda kept him.

  6. Phantom i dont agree…

  7. Democracy is a wonderful institution Danni. We should cherish it.

  8. I remain a huge fan of Mick’s and I am sure there are things that you could learn from him Danni, however I somehow doubt that you will bump into him in a Caf queue or at the Library help desk.

  9. Football dogma tells us the Magpies are almost always a certainty.

    Until they lose.

    And then we have to figure out how they were cheated.

    Same as it ever was….

  10. I hope Mick makes more sense in his lectures than he did at his press conferences…

  11. Goodness, i hate to sound like a scratched record, but the Colliwobbles are alive and well in the 21st century. I say this in the context Collingwod has reached the most grand finals of any club this century, with the worst winning ratio. 5 GF’s, 1 win, 1 draw, and 3 losses. Compare to Geelong and Brisbane with 4 GF’s each, and win loss ratios of 3 wins, and 1 loss. Might be a long century for the not so humble Pies fans.

  12. I just found out too that Meryl Streep has been nominated for an Oscar 17 times and won 3. She’s the Magpies of the movie world.

  13. Dangerous ground there Pete.

    She won in 2012 for playing ‘Maggie’


  14. Goodness Phanto, is that not taking literary licence too far???

  15. Good pick up Phanto. And bad omen. If it does happen, then unfortunately, the end of the world comes AFTER the grand final.

    We’d never hear the end of it if the Magpies won the last ever premiership. Premiers for eternity!

  16. Im sure you are right Dave, he would be a very….interesting lecturer!
    i do not know yet but i may come across him during my ‘sport reporting’ lectures.

  17. Not noted for a conservative approach to blog comments Glen. I have a tendancy to lead with the lip.

    They say it is a very fine line.

  18. ROFL at the “players to watch”.

  19. Peter Baulderstone says

    Is Bucks the new Tim Watson???

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