VAFA Premier C – the CYs Preview: Road Hog

Road Hog


I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions. And that is probably because I have a long history of smashing them to pieces before the Sydney Test match has even commenced. But this year, I foolishly acquiesced in response to my nearest and dearest, and submitted. She was becoming increasingly alarmed by the anger I was displaying while driving the mean streets of Melbourne.


Technically, the horn is only supposed to be used in an emergency, but how can you resist giving it a good old-fashioned honk when some fool comes all the way around the roundabout at Ferguson St without so much as an indication. “Hey idiot, that stick protruding from the steering column assists in making other road users aware of your intentions!” I would have advised him, had I not been so preoccupied with pressing both hands down as hard as I could onto the horn. The tension that action releases is just beautiful for my soul. So, on December 31st, I resolved to show a little more patience (it’s a virtue, don’t you know) and generosity toward my fellow road users. In something of a world record performance (for me), I lasted almost two weeks.


One morning I was travelling along Douglas Parade, past Scienceworks, and under the Westgate Bridge where the road branches out into two lanes. A lead-footed clown in a Mercedes had been on my ginger since the power station, obviously in a hurry to meet up with the next client he could rip money off (remember, this was prior to the banking royal commission). And when the road split into two lanes, he saw his opportunity to pass me on the inside lane. But I was wise to his game, and put my foot down, increasing my speed all the way to the traffic lights at Francis St. He could not get back into the right-hand turn lane – and was forced to continue on up Hyde St. I had called his bluff and raised him. I may have even surreptitiously glanced across at him to let him know who was the boss of Douglas Parade, but I cannot recall. Talk about a feeling that is good for the soul. In that cathartic moment, I decided that being passive on the road was not all it was cracked up to be. It was not for me. And resolutions be damned!


However, in truth, I have become a little more aware whilst on the road. There are so many knuckleheads out there that it would be unwise not to show a certain level of circumspection. And it is only getting worse. So prior to travelling out to the magnificently manicured Marcellin playing fields on Saturday, I urge everyone to be patient, generous, and respectful on the road, so that we all may get there in one piece. That Eastern Freeway gets me a little riled up just thinking about. Imagine travelling along it every working day. Poisonous for the soul. So, leave the abuse to me, because I have well and truly broken my new year’s resolution, and I am now well past caring who knows it.



SENIORS vs. Marcellin (a), 2PM @ Marcellin College

RESERVES vs. Marcellin (a), 11:40AM @ Bulleen Park (East Oval)

S2 THIRDS vs. Caulfield Grammarians (H), 9:20am @ Crofts Reserve

S2 U19S vs. Old Melburnians (h), 2pm @ Fearon Reserve

S5 U19 COLTS vs. Aquinas (h), 11:40AM @ Fearon Reserve

D3 SEAGALS vs. Melbourne Cricket Club Football Club (h), 9:20aM @ Crofts Reserve

About Darren Dawson

Always North.


  1. Luke Reynolds says

    Don’t know how you guys put up with city traffic every single day!

Leave a Comment