Top 10 Reasons for the Cats to lose the Preliminary Final.


by Peter Baulderstone


10) – The Wisdom of Harms.

In his prescient introduction to the 2009 Almanac Nostradamus Harms sagely observed “West Coast reminded me of Kaiser’s Germany, stockpiling and building and about to be launched”.  Well spotted JTH.  The blitzkrieg is about to be launched, and Geelong’s Maginot Line will be breached on Saturday.

(9) – The Sanderson Defection to the West.

When Brenton flew west from Tullamarine on Tuesday, the stop-off in Adelaide was only a ruse.  Ross Lyon has showed how mercenary and ruthless modern day coaches are.  Brenton is picking up a tidy consultancy in Perth for the rest of the week going over game plans and match ups.

(8) Happy Hammond won’t be available to lead the Cats out this week.

(7) Revenge for the Cats Pillaging of the West over the Decades.

Polly Farmer; Peake; Featherby; B Cousins Snr; Watts; Corey, Taylor – need I go on.  For decades the Pivot didn’t develop its own talent.  It stole ours.  ’92 and ’94 were insufficient payback of the huge debt the GFC owes WA football.

(6) You even rely on West Australians for your club song.

“We are Geelong the greatest team of all” was written by John Watts in 1963 when he came over to join Polly and win you a premiership.  It replaced your lame local song.

(5) Tom Hawkins has been unable to train all week.

He has had prior contractual responsibilities to Channel 7 rehearsing for the new season of ‘Dancing with the Stars’.  He is replacing Steve Bracks’ son as the buff Chippendale in the new series that starts next week.

(4) The new format for deciding Full Time Draws.

After last year’s Grand Final draw, the AFL decided it would decide drawn finals with a coach’s arm wrestle.  Chris Scott stands no chance against Woosha.

(3) Cox and Natanui.

Need I say more?  Ottens and West will earn their taps or marks this week.  No skinny boys when you play against the Big Birds.

(2) The Ranga Factor.

History shows that finals are won by teams with the best slow, left footed midfield ranga.  Ling is past it.  Priddis takes the honors.

(1)   Surplus of Selwoods.

Scott and Joel will be the greatest sibling rivalry since Cain and Abel.  Think of the lifetime of pent-up resentments and slights that a younger brother suffers.  It will all come out on Saturday.  Adam will torment Stevie J.  Now there’s a biblical coincidence for Gigs to ponder.  Adam was Cain and Abel’s father in the Jewish Bible.  Who’d have thought they’d meet again as brothers a few millennia later?  Joel is a great footballer, but even if the other 2 are only 80% as good (and Scott is improving fast) – the Eagles have 60% more Selwood quota.  Think of all the extra high tackle frees to the Eagles.


  1. Trent West: watch the third quarter v Hawthorn.

    The Selwood question is a beauty. How do brothers match up? What do they think? How do they imagine themselves in relation to each other?

    There are, as always, a stack of interesting questions in this football match.

  2. And then there’s history. In 1991, Hawthorn lost to the Crows in round 1 at Footy Park – just as they did this year – before going on to play West Coast in the GF. As this is Peter B’s piece, I won’t mention what actually happened in that ’91 Grand Final.

  3. Go on Gigs, say it, say it! :p

    Highly entertaining list, Peter B. There are just two points I can’t agree to:
    1) Woosha wouldn’t stand a chance against C. Scottyyyyyyyyy. The (now) Geelong man is a little ball of muscle. No one could take that little mongrel.
    2) The Selwood quotient. While Scott & Adam may be 80% of the way to being great players, they are only 45% of the way to being as good as Joel – slight oversight, perhaps :p

    All the best this Saturday! Let’s hope for a ripping contest (that leaves the winner suitably fresh to beat Hawthorn/Collingwood).

    Go Cats ;)

  4. I would pay to see Woosha and CScott in an arm wrestle.

    As a former junior team mate of Chris, he was a formidable opponent.

    Woosha would be no push over either.

  5. i’m sorry but NO footy player can replace the stunningly gorgeousness amazingness of Nick Bracks on Dancing with the Stars. *swoon city*

    Cats by 23.

  6. The Selwoods are an interesting family.

    Some Selwoods seem born to hunt the ball. Other Selwoods seem born to hunt those who hunt the ball.

    Torrid backyard games you’d imagine.

  7. I reckon the story of the Selwoods is amazing.

    it was mentioned in one of the papers this week that when the brothers
    gather at Christmas, they still partake in a competitive run against each
    other through the streets of Bendigo.

  8. PB – love point (2). I would love to know how many Premiers have a ranga in their midst.

    Will be a tough encounter. Hope whoever wins has the legs to belt Collingwood the next week (sorry Hawks).

  9. Stop chewing Gastralobium Peter.

    I am aware that the WA local fauna have built up a tollerance due to their isolation but just after the hallucinations are extreme to fall off the perch.

    We need you for the post mortem next week.

  10. Point 7) Mark Bairstow is probably worth a mention. And even though we we lost Ben Cousins to the Eagles, let us not forget that he was as one-eyed as Cats fans come before his career started.

    Point 1) Having 2 Selwoods to our 1 maybe the achilles heel for the Eagles. They all lead with their head so the probability of the Eagles having a Selwood subbed out due to concussion is twice that of the Cats. The last thing the Eagles need is to have to use their sub too early given how tough last week’s match was.

  11. I was going to mention D Marshall for point 7 then I remembered that footy didn’t exist in WA before the WC Evil came along.

    Dear Geelong,

    If you have any regard for your rich WA heritage please get the job done on Saturday.

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