Time for a change, Andrew

 by Bob Utber

After spending an enthralling 10 hours (yes, I watched the replay just in case!) watching the final round of The Masters at Augusta I believe that Andrew Demetriou must make some urgent changes to this year’s Grand Final.

We already have one momentous change playing the big game in October but I believe, and a host of aficionados agree with me, that the following changes must be made to obtain maximum impact. For the viewing audience only.  Don’t worry about the rest of us who have paid maximum dollars for a seat.

  1. The two captains must toss for choice of end before they run out on the ground.  Given the AFL’s penchant for betting it should be done at one of the TAB outlets at the “G” with only the camera man and Brendan Fevola present. Fevola must of course not have a microphone in his hand.  Both captains will be wired to Dennis in the studio and he can then question them on what effect the toss will have on their team.
  2. Jason Dunstall and Danny Frawley (heaven forbid) will inspect the ground and obtain the penetrometer reading so the fastest or slowest team will have favouritism. The punters will be able to then put on a late bet knowing the surface will favour their team.  That’s if the two of them get around to it without talking about themselves. Perhaps Johnny Letts on Banjo could also do a circuit and we get his views liv as well.
  3. “Razor Ray” (if selected to officiate) will be “miked up” for the entire game so that he can give a running commentary and their will be no need to have the “so-called experts” espousing their theories on what should have happened. Razor is there on the spot and he knows what is happening before it does or doesn’t.
  4. And finally the coup de gras.  The Grand Final Cup must be presented in the studio only. None of this confetti throwing or champagne squirting. The real thing that will have the most impact will be Andrew and Mike Fitzpatrick sitting in the studio, in their All-Australian jackets, with a fire in the background presenting the Cup and a Gold jacket to the winning coach.  This will take approximately 10 minutes of idle chat.  The Coach will then lift the cup above his head and in the fade out the crowd would have left the stadium.


It is so important that those who don’t get to the game receive the maximum impact as a long with the corporate sector they are the makers of the game.

Only one catch, the game will be seen only on Pay TV.

Over to you Andrew.

About Bob Utber

At 80 years of age Citrus Bob is doing what he wanted to do as a 14 year-old living on the farm at Lang Lang. Talking, writing, watching sport. Now into his third book on sports history he lives in Mildura with his very considerate wife (Jenny ) and a groodle named "Chloe On Flinders". How good is that.


  1. Pamela Sherpa says

    Bob, my father used to say “Grand final day is grand final day and nothing else.”

    Young Patrick kicked a beauty at the weekend .

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