THE PRE WRAP – ROUND XVII

FOR THE PHILOSOPHICAL MARNGROOK FAN

What a week it’s been in Footy Eddie.  The invertebrates at the Star Chamber are in the news again.  Tigerland midfielder Cotchin gets four weeks for doing what Bomberland’s David Hille did three times for three reprieves earlier in the season.  In the same round, Carlton’s Andrew Walker laid a vicious head high bump on Sydney’s Ben McGlynn and cops a reprimand.  It’s not Cotchin’s fault the North player was made of papier-mâché.

North Melbourne defender Daniel Pratt has even stuck his neck out by suggesting the Review Panel needs reviewing.  It is certainly a courageous comment, but one long overdue.  The Whole Football World awaits the response of the Appalling Football League.  This column has long advocated a change in the coaching structure at Maggot Central, and only time will vindicate or condemn the reckless plunge into the Gold Coast and GWS in the name of the unholy dollar.  Ask 100 people on the street and they’ll all tell you the same thing – the Appalling Football League needs a good pull through.

Speaking of GWS, Coach Mumbles has been trying to develop a them and us philosophy up there in the Shadow of The Blue Mountains.  It worked at Punt Road when The Little Bloke in The T Shirt faced off against The Rest.  But he had one of the Greatest Teams ever to grace a Footy Field behind him.  All Sheeds has got is the coffers of the AFL.  Anyway, he’s been told to pull his head in – by just about everyone.  And for Sheedy to say Richmond should have appointed him to follow the Solarium Kid was just so much sour grapes.  TLSPRF gave up hoping he’d come home every time his contract at Whingy Hill expired.  It was only after he’d been dumped out at Bomberland that he turned up with his Gladstone bag at Tigerland.  GWS will make a fitting graveyard for him.

And what’s all this about GAJ’s body language?  Even when he was a tousle headed blonde he possessed Football’s most unstable bottom lip.  What’s changed?  But I tell you what, if Frank Costa’s not on the Al Capone to Carrara asking for two first round draft picks for the Son of God I think we’ve gravely overestimated his business nous.

There’s talk of making The # 12 Guernsey around at Tigerland the Vice-Captain’s number.  Just as The #17 – the number worn by the Fearsome Captain Blood – the Richmond Captain’s number.  They could give Jumping Jack Riewoldt the # 29 Guernsey.  We haven’t seen his name in the handball stats since Round IX.

The retirements have started.  We say farewell to the Aussie Rules Footballer with the Boys Own moniker.  Yes Wrappers, one of our Favourite Sons here at The Wrap has called it quits.  After 52 games with The Cats and another 16 up with The Swanees over a 10-year career, his 198cm frame has had enough.  A true Journeyman – Henry Playfair – The Football World Salutes you.

The biggest retirement of all is from the least retiring player ever to have pulled on a boot.  Yes, Akka has been cut loose once more.  In these heady days of free agency, he’s torn between joining the Nar Nar Goon 3rds and moving up to Penrith to help another noted blurter and babbler – Coach Mumbles.  Is GWS – an invention of the gnomes in the cellars of Jellymont House – developing a persona?  And will they become known as The Dribblers?

Altruism is not dead.  Nurelle, our much loved and admired Girl on The Front Desk has given us another slant on the kerfuffle at Whingy Hill.  And we feel she has a valid point.  She feels Sheeds is not the villain in this case, but rather the unsung hero.  Recalling Sydney Carton’s last words as the tumbrel clunked & creaked to Le Place de la Concorde with its wretched cargo – It’s a far, far better thing I do than I have ever done. It’s a far, far better rest I go to than I have ever known – she compares Sheedy’s actions to those of one of literature’s biggest losers.  It’s certainly diverted the heat from the Coach Knighta to ex-Coach Mumbles.  In years to come Students of The Game may be making pilgrimages to a lonely bush grave set on a remote corner of la Grande Région des Montagnes Bleues in homage to one of Football’s most misunderstood aficionados.

So Pres Motormouth dreads playing on Ethelred Stadium .  Why do you think Carringbush play all their games on The G Jeff?  And you thought Pres Everywhere was just a game show host.  Never underestimate the power of He who resides in the Oval Office.

Our Aussie Good things in Le Tour de  Sour may have been sidelined one way or another, but don’t those New Australians have a style of their own?  Andy Schleck, not one of the most gracious sportsmen you’d see round, is in a regular bitch fight with Alberto Contador, the Defending Champion.  And all over a slipped chain.  He should have been on a Malvern Star.  We rode ours to school for 10 years and never even missed a gear change with the ever-reliable Sturmey-Archer 3-speed.

It might be a bit premature for the Flannelled Fools, but what’s this we hear?  The Pyjama Game is to be reduced from 50 overs a side to two innings each of 20 overs.  Why not call it for what it is?  A double header Twenty-20.

But enough of my gabbin.  The XVII^th Round is about to commence, so let’s see who’s likely to be smiling four days hence.  (The Wrapcave will be closed tomorrow for a security up-grade.  Therefore the tips for Round XVII will be made without reference to the pronouncements of the Selection Table)

The Feeling Faints v The Mustard Pots on the Shifting Sands Friday Night.  The Seagulls were all over the shop last week.  Some SOTG are even suggesting they made Carringbush look better than they are.  Be that as it may, The Squawkers have a sniff and will be eyeing off the Double Chance.  Based on current form you’d have to go for The Hawks.  Sure, The Saints will kick back.  But The Mayblooms are building.  With a good team ethos and a more than competent list, they’ll not only consolidate a Top Eight place, but also move that one step closer to a Top Four finish.  Well down on percentage on Freo (10%) and two wins adrift, they’ll need to keep winning to avoid a final in Perth.  This is the last match of three challenges over the previous few weeks.  A win against The Yap Yaps & and an Honourable Loss to The Moggies.  The run from here is relatively easy until they meet The Dockers and Collingwood over the final two rounds of the Home&Away series.  After this match, The Saints’ only real challenge is Adelaide in Round XXII.  They’ll be trying, but may find comfort from the fact that they can drop this one and still finish with the Double Chance.  The Leaveblowers seem to have The Seagulls covered across every line.  The Iconic Zac on Big Buddy should be worth the bike ride down from Woods Point, but with deep and sincere apologies to TLSJOF it’s The GoldenBrown for us.

Collingwood v Richmond at The Peoples’ Ground at the traditional time.  The Tiges have been treated cruelly by the invertebrates at the Star Chamber and will sorely miss the drive of Cotchin around the packs.  Having said that, they’ll make a good account of themselves after being totally outthought and outplayed last weekend.  However, the Ghosts at the Yarra Falls End, sensing a Cakewalk coming on, are stirring.  There’ll be a lot of interest in Jumping Jack v Presti and Ben Cousins is making a statement around the packs.  But, playing some inspired football, it’s The Collingwood Machine from us here in The Wraproom for this one.

The Handbags v The Gorillas down at Kardinia Park at the traditional time.  TRP, OTR, at home, are you kidding?  The referee should stop this one well before Half Time.  And Geelong to kick The Sweep.

NMFC v The Born To Rule Bombers on the Shifting Sands of Ethelred Stadium on Saturday night.  Three weeks on the trot we’ve given The Gliders the benefit of the doubt.  Three weeks on the trot they shat in our hat.  We’ve run out of hats.  Besides, North have been doing it without resorting to The Shinboner Spirit.  They took The Tigers apart last weekend and should be too good overall for The Dispirited Marshmallows.  The Kangaroos to avenge 1950.

The West Coast Eagles v The Team That Never Let’s You Down over where the sun goes down at twilight.  The Coasters will be buoyed by their Famous Away Victory over The Bedraggled Bombers.  Their Self Belief renewed, they host a team that even their coach now admits has been and gone, in fact was never there in the first place.  Missing The Kreuzer, they lack drive around the packs, despite the supreme efforts of The Juddanaught.  They could win, but it’s hard to see from here.  The Weagles.

The Boys of The Bulldog Breed v the Barry Crockers at Ethelred on Sunday for the early one.  The team sheets haven’t been put up in the butcher shop window at the time of writing, but we can tell you that Gillard & Akermanis have been omitted from the Bulldog side.  That not withstanding, The Sons of The West look too strong and determined for The Improvers From The West.  The Visitors look unsettled, and although having moved on from their old flaky selves, are finding the going tough at this end of the season.  They’ll make a supreme effort, but The Scrays are hitting some form at last.  The Tricolours, and at  $1.31 they look like too good to pass up.  That’s right, The Dishlickers are The Wrap Investment Opportunity of The Round.

The Demons v The Lakers at The G at the traditional time.  Adam The Goodes is back to his Dual Brownlow Best and the rest of the team are nothing less than professional footballers.  The Dees looked very impressive last weekend, and are playing some committed Footy.  Jack Who is becoming Jack Who Was That Man and the others are lifting in Self Belief.  We reckon they can roll The Bloods.  And at $2.46 they’re The Wrap Roughie of The Round.

The Power v The Crows at the New Arctic Park to close off proceedings.  The Tealers aren’t without a chance in this one, but it’s difficult to tip against The Pride of South Australia in their present mood.  True, The Moggies kept them in the match last week, and Port Adelaide will be all the better for the run under their new coach, but now they have a sniff, The Chardonnays have popped their cork.  With more than Four Points at stake, we’re saying that The Mighty Adelaide Crows will have just too much all over the park for The Power.

Good tipping and even better punting.