What a week it’s been in Footy Eddie.  The World Game gets its four yearly carnival under way tonight and the planet stops to watch.  At least it’s got Akka & chequebook football off the pages for a bit.  These pages at least.  So what if Football’s most unstable bottom lip does go to the Gold Coast?  We might just find out how good he is when he has to carry the team on his own.  Without the protection he gets down at Kardinia Park.

Luke Darcy revealed some home truths on One Week @ A Time last Monday night.  He thought Tyson Edwards’ farewell was marred by his wife being on the ground with his kids and – horror of horrors – actually kissing in front of the crowd & cameras.  “A kiss in the car park and that’s it” sermoned the ex-Footscray ruckman.  Well said Luke.  EJ would be proud of you.

The Shifting Sands have provided their annual pantomime.  I don’t know why they bother.  Collo’s – no doubt under legal advice – not going to change his mind about the surface.  And the surface is not going to improve.  You can’t grow grass without sunlight.  Isn’t that why they call it The Dumb?

We’ve been picking up a few of the Velvet Fog’s gems over the years.  Like us, I’m sure you see him as the thinking man’s Jack Dyer.  We’ll they’ve been cleaning out the cupboards at Whingy Hill in preparation for their move to   the John Pascoe Fawkner Reserve and came across a scroll of his best quips.  And remember, none of this is scripted; it’s delivered without hesitation at the furious pace of the modern game.

“Scotty Cummings is alone in the square, jumping up and down and waving his arms like they’re playing My Sharona …”

”Farmer may have an injury to his calf … hmmm, a farmer with a calf problem …….”

”Spider had both his legs taken out from under him – leaving only the other six to balance on …”

“Ball to Barker to Barlow – The Hawks are attacking alphabetically.”  (I remember that one – Ed)

On Melbourne’s Adam Yze: “A terrific player . . . terrible scrabble hand.”  (That one too – Ed)

“Ling’s running off the ground a little bit gingerly.”??(Think about it – Ed)

“Cousins, runs away from Carr … not the first time we’ve seen that this season.”

About Cameron Cloke who was timing his ruck work badly, something along the lines of: “He leaves his messages before the beep.”

”Hay is bailed up on the boundary line . . .”??(Rural subscribers will get that one – Ed)

”Walker to Carr . . . that’s a step up . . .”

”He’s made a typo! – he wanted Bickley and he’s got Buckley!”

“The Magpies ought to be kicking themselves right now, but with their luck, they’d probably miss.”

After Darren Gaspar hits the post from 40 metres out: “Gaspar, the unfriendly post.”  (And that one – Ed)

“Ashley McIntosh, like a good hair spray … capable of a subtle hold.”

“Ball in dispute, Lamb, now Yze the meat in the sandwich.  Really Lamb should be in the sandwich.”

On former Magpie, Crow and now Cat, Brenton Sanderson: “He goes much better as a mammal.”

Dennis Cometti, several years ago, Fremantle v Port, Josh Carr wearing 9 for Port, crunches his brother Matthew, wearing 9 for Freo.? “How’s that, a two Carr collision, both with the same rego!”

Danial Metropolis playing for the Eagles was gang tackled by 3 opposition players.  “Now there’s a city under siege.”??(Metropolis – city – get it? – Ed)

A few weeks ago Collingwood were 40+ points up against the Dogs. The camera focuses on David Smorgon, the Bulldogs President who is looking despondent.  “Now there’s a glum dog millionaire.”

But enough of my gabbin, let’s see who’s going to dive & delve in Round XII.

The Shinboners v The Silvertails tonight on the Shifting Sands of Ethelred Oval.  The Norsemen had a good win last weekend, but they’re not playing Brisbane this week.  They’ve plonked Todd Goldstein – all two meters of him – in the goldsquare (Come off it Wrap, leave that to Our Denis – Ed) and obviously have something in mind.  They got a few live wires at ground level and Levi Greenwood will be keen to continue where he left off last week.  They’ve been disappointing this year The Roos, but Coach Bradley seems to have them settled down noe.  He would have loved the win against his old Skipper in Round XI, but the chances of him being able to do it again against Ratt’s Ever Coming Bluebaggers is problematical.  The Miseries are only a game & percentage outside the Top Four and have declared that that’s where they intend to be come the end of August.  As usual, they’re probably a bit ahead of themselves on that score, however they should win this one.  SOTG will recall how they were smashed by The Hawks not all that long ago and may wish to consider The Outsiders, with two beanpoles, as a chance for, the Boilover.  Not us, we feel they’ve just got too much at stake to let this one slip.  The Silvertails, but they’ll have to fight all the way.

The Mayblooms v The Pride of South Australia down at Hork Park.  They’re playing musical chairs out at Waverly.  Big Buddy comes out of the penalty box and Chance Bateman goes in.  They’re shuffling things around on the forward line too.  The team list in the butcher’s shop window has Roughie in the goalsquare and Buddy out at CHF – for whatever that means in the modern game.  The Chardonnays have lost their spiritual leader to injury but regain key backman Bock.  The Crows may have been inspired by the display of family unity last weekend.  This week they come up against a different kind of Family Unity.  Family Unity of the Unsociable kind.  With the leaves littering the nature strips and blocking the gutters out in the Leafy East, the Mustard Pot Faithful will have the leafblowers on full throttle and the 774 ABC broadcast on full volume for this one.  The Squawkers have been winning, but not impressively.  This is their chance to pile on some percentage and maybe even get their President’s mind back on Football. The Boys from Launceston Town for us.  And hands up those who miss those smouldering leaf fires in the blue stone gutters of the Leafy East on an autumn Saturday?  Hands up those who can remember them?

The Baby Bombers Mk III v The Sleepy Hollow Millionaires under cover on Saturday night.  The Essendon Caretaker Coach would have loved to have Man Mountain Hille playing and the goal hungry Monfries, but they regain Tripper Fletcher.  The Millionaires are without Scarlett & Mooney and regain their Skipper.  Look, anything can happen on the night.  We’ve all seen The Bombers explode and we’ve all seen them implode.  The Moggies on the other hand always seem to have the measure of the opposition.  They kicked poorly against The Eagles, both on goal and in field.  The Dons have the goal kicking power, especially on the Boutique Oval, to punish them from the turnovers.  We’re tempted to go for Essendon; The Pussies have been playing contented Footy lately.  However, we’ve heard Bomber and his coaches had to have the cattle prodders recharged several times on Tuesday & Thursday nights.  That, and also that The Baby Bombers have looked a bit fragile towards the end of a few of their matches.  However, only the Faithful & the foolhardy would bet on the outcome.  Our hearts will be with the underdogs, but we expect the Top Cats to win.

The Power From Port v The Sydney Bloods over in the City of Churches on Saturday night.  The Swans won against the flow of their season last weekend against The Gliders.  They regain Kennelly & McGlyn and have dumped Jetta and Henry Playfair.  For The Tealers it’s only one change from the team that nearly overran Hawthorn the week before: Hitchcock in for Broadbent.  Port Adelaide have more than their season on the line.  Unable to pull the punters through the turnstiles, the very fibre of the club is under threat.  From winning five of their 1st seven matches, they’ve lost the last four.  Hopefully Daniel Motlop has forgiven the club for his suspension and will direct those dribblers between the Big Sticks and not into them.  Steak & Kidney are eyeing off September, but Port will win because it has to.

The Richmond Tigers v The West Coast Eagles on The Hallowed Turf for the early one on Sunday.  Seeking their 2nd win for Season 2010, The Tiges will be set for this one.  They regained Dyer Medal Runner Up Daniel Jackson, the disciplined but potentially brilliant Connors, promising recruit Griffith and Vickery returns after Troy Simmond’s farewell match last Friday night.  The Weagles are going to give Big Lynch another run and have brought across McGinnity, Jones & Nicoski.  With a couple of games up their sleeve, The Tiges can afford to win this without jeopardizing their Coveted Sylvan Shield prospects.  Apart from that they’re playing some pretty Inspired Football.  This is a team and a club on the move.  They’ll beat West Coast, who it must be said come across with an Honourable Loss to TRP on the their belt.  It will be a good contest, and will be won by the team that makes the least mistakes.  We’re saying TLSPRF will be cheering The New Tigers Of Old on the way up Bridge Road to the Royal Oak on the bread & jam.

The Kennel Coughs v The Brisbane Lions on the Shifting Sands for the Sunday’s middle match.  The Doggies have regained the veteran Murphy but lost the playmaker Higgins.  The Gorillas have lost Goose Maguire and the veteran McGrath.  Merrett, Selwood, Cornelius & Raines will be on the team bus for the trip.  The Maroons have been thereabouts all season and any side that boasts Brown & Fevola on their forward line can’t be taken lightly.  They surprized Carringbush a fortnight ago and have been stiff a few times.  The Scraggers have TSOTL for this one and you would expect them to win.  It must have dawned on them by now that when the gate of the trap springs open and the hare flashes past that the race has begun.  One last chance Bullies.  And we’ll be back from The G for the delayed telecast of the Velvet Fog’s Channel Kerry call for this one.

The Barry Crockers v The Feeling Faints on the South Western lip of the Fatal Shore.  A real Eight Pointer with a Home Final at stake here.  The Saints haven’t been impressing but they keep winning.  Both sides know how to play The Game.  St Kilda probably a little bit better.  The Dockers shouldn’t have lost to Adelaide last week, and the f word has been mentioned in the same sentence as Fremantle through the week.  You could well be right Nurelle – but in this case it stands for flaky.  There’s no doubt they’re well matched around the ground but Kossy has to have a breakout game soon and we’re saying this is it.  With Nasty Milne playing his 200th for The Visitors, we’re going against the trend in this one.   The Seagulls look tighter down back so we’re nominating them as – at a whisker over even money – the Wrap Roughie of The Round.

The Redlegs v The Magpies for the Queens Birthday Blockbuster.  Carringbush withstood a Last Quarter challenge from The Dishlickers last round, but before that looked every bit a Top Four side.  The Dees have lost their Skipper and The Pies will be without Ball & Johnson.  O’Bree & Lockyer have been included, no doubt to give them a taste of senior football in case they’re need later in the season.  Anthony Rocca’s replacement has also been told to bring his boots to the G on Sunday.  We’d like it to be made perfectly clear at this juncture, that it doesn’t give us any joy having to write this, but, we can’t see, on current form, The Fuchsias getting close to another team until Round IXX when they have Richmond on The G.  The Woodsmen, and at $1.18 you may as well park your money there as in a cash management account.

Good tipping and even better punting.

And remember, if you read it in the Wrap you’ll know it’s not crap.

About John Mosig

I'm an Aussie Rules tragic who can remember, as a four year old, shaking the hand of Captain Blood in the rooms just before he ran out onto the ground after half time, as my Old Man slipped him a packet of under-the-counter Craven A cork tipped. Now it's my turn to take my grandson Ben through the ritual of character building that is the journey through PUNT ROAD to the outside world.


  1. Tim Ivins says

    Outstanding work, Dennis is a bit of a hero of mine, my dream team name til this year had been ‘Pride of Cometti’.

    One thing i’ve always wondered, do you reckon he makes cracks like this with the family? Did he do it when he was coaching?

  2. John Mosig says

    The Comettiism I picked up from last night’s game Tim was after a piece of play from the North Melbourne Skipper – “Harvey puts the ‘oo’ in Kangaroo” It has to be spontaneous. If he’d stopped to think about it he may not have said it.

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