The Middle Australia Report: Edition 1, 2013

Well the end of the world didn’t eventuate, unless you consider the no show of the Mayan cricket team on boxing day. We wanted to see their young quick Montezuma in action. Actually, for Tony Greig the prediction was correct. Bad pun I know, but he became Saint Tony very quickly.

Some observations.

* Mike Hussey’s retirement.

He appears to be universally admired and he will leave a gap in the Middle (Australia) order that is too big for Watto to fill. But there is one man I suspect who is cursing his decision and his name. Can you guess?

I think that Ricky Ponting will be spewing. Why? Well it appeared that CA were prepared to carry one veteran into the Ashes, but not two, and Hussey’s form had got him the nod over Punter. Hence Ponting jumped before he was pushed, even though he was clearly reluctant to go.

I suspect that if Hussey had made his intentions clear to Ponting a month back, then he would have fought it out and tried to hang on to his spot.

And so, I predict that we will see an early coming out of retirement from Ponting after some good 2013/14 Shield form.

• The Chairman and I saw day 2 of The Boxing day test and from the members bar in our blazer and tie, we could clearly see a man playing for his position rather than his country. If Watto won’t bowl, then perhaps the selectors wont let him play. It was apparent that he wasn’t batting for us but for himself. And a turgid, ugly innings it was too. The Skull said of Watson that he can’t play square of the wicket or sweep the spinners. So its easy to set a field in the V and strangle him. Which the Sri Lankans did. Not pretty to watch.

• We have said it before that sportsmen get preferential reverence upon early retirement. But I’ll give it to Tony Greig. He died at 66 and had a 10 year old son. Still batting above his average.

The Editor

Welcome back readers to the New Year and our first Middle Australia Report of 2013.

As it is cricket season I may as well write about cricket and what better person (or wax figurine) to write about than the tangerine spin king Shane Warne. If we weren’t convinced Warne wasn’t a dumb publicity seeking bogan prior to the Big Bash League match on Sunday night then we most definitely are now. For those of you unaware Warne made an idiot of himself on at least two occasions during the match. The first was when Warne was in the field he went up to the batting Marlon Samuels, demonstratively pulled Marlon’s shirt and unleashed a barrage of profanities. Sure when Samuels was bowling he was in the wrong to block David Hussey and tug on his shirt to stop him from trying for a second run, but Warne went over the top in attempting to make a point. The second incident, which was unforgiveable, was Warne’s deliberate underarm throw at and hitting Samuels after he had played a shot. There is never a place for throwing a ball at an opposition player in such a manner as Warne did. It’s no wonder Samuels tossed his bat. Umpires and officials deal with the blocking and shirt tugging, not Warne despite the fact he thinks he’s king of the world. Well Boofhead Lehman thinks Warne is king.

Was is it a coincidence Warne was miked up for the Fox coverage that he went so far over the top? I don’t think so. It has always been about Warne in Warne’s now botoxed eyes and this was a perfect example. Warne was probably thinking he could put on as good an act as his fiancée, which incidentally wouldn’t be hard, when he made his public displays of faux-annoyance. Being able to broadcast his words to the public and mates in the commentator’s box would have added to Warne’s vitriol purely for self-aggrandisement.

Warne was a great bowler, but it doesn’t excuse him from being a dickhead.

The Chairman


  1. Well said on Warne, MA. But the 2 Tony Greig “jokes” are both really bad taste cheap shots. Share them in the front bar if you must, but they don’t fit with the ethos of this website.
    This website strives to speak truth to power – often in a humorous engaging way. We sledge kings and cowards, not the dead and defenceless.
    There is a link on the Cricinfo website to Tony Greig’s Cowdrey Oration of a few years back. Shows he was a deep thinker, passionate about the long term welfare of the game that had given him so much.

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