The Makings of a Cult (following)?

GC v Adelaide

 Gold Coast      9.10.    64

Adelaide         18.17  125

Votes – Thompson 3, Tippett 2, G Ablett 1


Adelaide have pulled back from the brink of awfulness after sacking their coach and just pushed the Cats to the bitter end. The Suns stopped worrying about winning months ago, so where was the interest going to come from?

As I sat in front of the box, ignoring the beautiful Queensland afternoon I felt myself caring about the fate of the Suns more than I should.

Second teams are important in footy. Most people’s second team is Richmond. They have a great song, good old-fashioned kit, and lots of philosophical supporters who go mad when they win. Most importantly, they’re no threat to anyone’s first team.

Personally I love the way they five year plans, the eternal optimism of the new season and the utter inevitability of the yearly result. Mostly we loved Richo, he just was Richmond, but loved the endless succession of boobs and cult players they recruit; guys like Schultz, Tivendale and Rory Hilton.

I tried to be a Richmond supporter as a kid. After they won the 1980 premiership I even had a Richmond jumper with a number 4 on it, but who was I kidding. Born across the road from Kardinya Park and never cool enough to be different I was in the hoops by grade 2. But I’m getting off the tigers bandwagon, my football mistress has changed and moved north.

Now I am working on the Gold Coast and it is such a peculiar place I have decided the Suns will be my mistress team. They tick all the boxes and today Nathan Ablett is playing for them – they should nickname him Cletus.

As I watch Adelaide open up a 40-point lead by quarter time I’ve decided to go through the GC list and find possible cult players we can begin to build a culture around.

Josh Fraser – Leif Garrett, was once extremely popular though everyone denies ever having liked him

Jared Brennan – Matthew Richardson, brilliant, erratic, passionate and a bit hopeless

David Swallow – Trevor Barker, way to good looking to be heterosexual

Nathan Ablett – Cletus Spuckler (the slack-jawed yokel from The Simpsons), the dead eyes opened.

Jared Harbrow – Microsoft Vista, changed something serviceable and made it crap

Alik Magin – Tom Alvin, you really only remember the haircut

Karmichael Hunt – Jim Stynes, a revolution when he arrived, derided early but much better than everyone gives him credit for

Trent McKenzie – Ang Christou, woof!!

Nathan Bock – Volvo, sometimes reliability can be interesting too, especially if it looks better going backwards.

Michael Richitelli – Spiro Kourkoumelis, it just feels good to say it

Gary Ablett – Max Headroom

Daniel Stanley – Luke O’Sullivan, he just looks like he’d know a heap of penis jokes

Great bit of actual play on the wing by Gold Coast in the third quarter. Taylor Walker crunched by Swallow and for three or four minute the Suns look tough. Bock should’ve finished him off. Soon the Suns are back to 20 points behind, after Matt Shaw goals. As a cult player he’s be Michael Roberts, similar to Barker but not as good or as good looking.

Metricon Stadium – when it was reopened Premier Anna Bligh called it the best AFL stadium in Australia and we all wept with laughter. It is Carrara and always will be, looks like a giant café awning.

 Joseph Day – He’s my favourite Suns player, reminds me of Ken Hinkley

Harley Bennell – May become our Austin McCrabbe, appears to have no awareness of the speed and tone of the game around him, in the best kind of way, kicked a goal toady.

In the end the Crows kicked away in, the Sun kids falling apart in the last quarter again. Scott Thompson had 51 possessions and Tippet looked fantastic when he had the opportunities.

Moving into middle age I am ripe for a new football mistress and the Suns are young enough and weird enough to fit the bill. I don’t think they’ll ask too much from me.


About Hamish Townsend

Hamish Townsend was born and raised in Geelong, supports the Cats and lives in Brisbane.


  1. Ang Christou – Val Perovic, woof!!

  2. You haven’t known winter sunshine until you have been to footy at Carara. As the Nerang River wanders dwon to the sea, and you’re a 2-iron from Broadbeach and the avenues.

Leave a Comment