The Beeaanly Bugle: The Beeaans Are Back In Town


The Beeaans Are Back In Town. 


The Beeaans, fresh off a lengthy delay with no winter season being played, begin with their first ever grading games. The first season, The Beeaans joined late, meaning they were slotted straight into a division, but this time, they were in for some competition, before reaching new lows of the freshly created F Grade.


With the 2020/21 season, came new technology. Cameras had been installed at each of the four courts, that recorded and uploaded the games for us to view back, and record stats later on. While it is still new technology, and there has been some technological errors, the overall prospect of being able to see how good, or bad, The Beeaans actually are is enticing.


In the first game we came against a team that played A Grade last season. This had some shudders going through the group chat, questioning how much we’d lose by, how many points a certain player would score. In the end, one opponent poured in 39 points themselves, as The Beeaans lost 66-35. This gave a glimmer of hope to The Beeaans, scoring 35 points in lower divisions will win us more games than we lose. It’s strange, taking a hammering of 30+ points, and being confident for the season to come, but that was nothing for what came the next week.


The Beeaans played against a team that they had played in the past, and would eventually play against in the season to come, and put in the worst performance that they had played, possibly ever. Losing 35-14, Skip managed to score 11 of those points, while also recording eight rebounds, while Grandpa Bean scored the other three points, in a 1-8 effort from the field. No Ice also managed to miss a bunch of shots, ending up with 0-7, as The Beeaans shot 15% from the field, including 6% from three. Without seeing the exact figures from the previous season, as a group, The Beeaans pretty much expect that was the worst they have ever shot, and it felt like it. The Pigwan grabbed five rebounds, and over the course of the season, expect to read about his efforts on the glass.


The Pigwan snatching a rebound.


The Pigwan is an enigma of a human, a man of beers and barbeque chicken pizza, with the occasional margherita pizza thrown in. There are so many stories of this man on the basketball court to tell that would enlighten you as to what kind of person he is. From playing under the weather on his birthday and grabbing 16 rebounds in the process, to the infamous kombucha game, where he decided that he’d prefer a kombucha over the usual Gatorade and went on to put up his season high in points, eight at the time, and probably grabbed at least 15 rebounds, everything about this man is as if Dennis Rodman himself had his spirit and essence transferred into this 22-year-old body from the Mornington Peninsula. Boards, blocks, and the occasional bucket, The Pigwan is a sight to behold on the basketball court.


At the conclusion of the grading games, with no victories in sight, The Beeaans were banished to the newly formed F Grade, but with a whole year of playing basketball, and expecting to be playing basketball in the bag, The Beeaans are searching for more wins, to be more competitive, and to learn the rules. Led by Skip and Grandpa Bean, the boys are slowly becoming more coherent basketballers.


Halftime huddle led by Skip.


Skip, the tallest Beeaan, has played basketball almost his whole life, and so he takes charge during games, setting up the defensive schemes, and orchestrating from the baseline. As the nickname suggests, he is one of the captains of The Beeaans. Skip racks up blocks for fun, as the defensive stalwart in the paint, he gets his hand to so many shots taken by the opponents, and impacts on quite a few as well, and follows it up with double digit rebounds most weeks, Skip is our Joel Embiid. However, just like Embiid, he can be unreliable. Luckily for us, injuries aren’t his issue, it’s just showing up on time. On countless occasions, not just with basketball, have the boys been waiting for him to show up at the agreed upon time, only for him to roll in half an hour late, if we are lucky, often with an excuse about being held up talking to someone. Skip loves a chat, and we wouldn’t change that.


With The Beeaans now in F Grade, the bar is even lower, and with some confidence from the grading games, they all know how many points they can score, and know what it will take to win a game of F Grade basketball, so we will see you next week, for The Beeaanly Bugle.




To read more of the Beeaanly Bugle by Connor Hoetzel click HERE



The Tigers (Covid) Almanac 2020 will be published in 2021. It will have all the usual features – a game by game account of the Tigers season – and will also include some of the best Almanac writing from the Covid winter.  Pre-order HERE


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