Round 7 – Collingwood v Carlton: 125 year Commemoration Match by Frank Taylor for the Floreat Pica Society

Frank Taylor

Steve’s opening comment to Friday’s communication:

“I am looking forward to saying happy birthday to us by singing the song after a win on Saturday.”



Had a discussion at the ground, before the game, with Doug and Owen about who has the wood on who.

 I mean – we always seem to beat The Cats, The Roos and The Swanies. Doesn’t matter what the respective positions on the ladder. Somehow, we nearly always get up over them and rarely do we get beaten.

In the old days, we could always beat Fitzroy.

The other way, Footscray has always been a danger (still remember Simon Beasley kicking a bag against us at Vic Park, last round, sometime in ’79 or ’81 to deny us top spot and a week’s rest on top of the ladder. Carlton ended on top….). Since the 70’s, Hawthorn has had the wood on The Woods – the last win I remember against them was the 2011 Prelim. The Dees are always a danger side, and, of course – Carlton.

(I won’t go into any personal reminiscences as they are universal, deep and painful for any Pie supporter of my generation. Any generation really.)

Consequently, although I was reasonably confident after our fine effort against The Catters last week, I was not cocky, far from it. The Poos were showing a bit of form, too.

The prematch “celebrations” consisted of  a couple of rows of Premiership Cups in front of the goals, followed by a whole bunch of past players dressed in gladwrap ponchos as the rain was beginning to fall, looking more like ghosts than people.

The big banner and banter about the 125 years since we 1st played (and got done by The Cheats,) and what a night we had planned for tonight, and my misgivings began to grow. A music worm entered my head – all this talk of celebrations etc – Lesley Gore’s song of 1963:


It’s my party, and I’ll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you


Carlton were just the sort to spoil the party.


We are sitting just under the big Punt Road scoreboard and the ball is bounced bang on 2.10 – traditional time, traditional day, traditional rival. Weird.



First quarter

3 minutes in and it’s a very shambolic start by both sides, 8 minutes in and it’s still very, very ordinary. Both Collingwood and Carlton seem to be both playing the same sort of game – great numbers around the ball and as soon as they get it clear, there is no-one to kick it to so they’ll go wide or back or whatever and there’s a multitude of errors it’s unbelievable…12 minutes in and it is scoreless so far, 0.0 to 0.0 – like a soccer game. 30 secs later Sidey gets a soft free and kicks a minor score to open the day’s account. A minute later after a very, very, very untidy bit of play The Blues thump one through off the ground. 25 minute mark and a very, very poor point to Crisp as he should have handballed it over the top for a team mate to kick it through…. The turnover results in a Carlton goal. Play starts and after the best passage of play all day so far, The Cheats kick a point. 27 1/2 mins in and Maynard gets tangled up with a couple of Blues and they kick another. 0.3 to 3.4. Next thing you know Faz gets the biggest, softest free kick you have ever seen in your life, 15 – 20ms out, directly in front and he slots it. Which good, but mate…. the umpiring – that was just terrible.

¼ time 1.3 Collingwood, 3.4 Carlton. A very ordinary display, very ordinary, by both teams.


Second quarter

5 minutes in and after a beautiful tackle Jamie Elliott nails a good goal 40 – 45ms out on an angle. Still very messy – the game that is – as the weather is clearing up. 10mins in and De Goey redeems himself and kicks a good one, it’s 3.3 to 3.5. 14 min mark and after an uncharacteristic turnover by Pendlebury, they get it over the back and it’s 3.3 to 4.5. At the restart an amazing run out of the centre by Treloar sees him thump it long over the heads of everyone only to hit the post. Bad luck. He has plenty of the football smarts has Treloar. 19mins in and The Blues get another good goal by a bloke who’s name I can’t pronounce, Sam Petrevski-Seton. (I’m not the only one – the Carlton supporters around me, when asked, refer to him as ‘SPS’.) 26min mark and its 3.5 to 6.5  and it’s starting to get away from us. Doug’s comment is too much finessing consequently too many turnovers. I can’t believe how badly we are playing…. Siren goes at 27 min and 1 second.

1/2 time. Have no idea where the side that we watched last week went to. No idea at all. They seem to have the same game plan (if you can call it a plan) that we have – very congested footy – we are just turning it over more than they do. Simple as that.


Third quarter

 4mins in and things haven’t changed much and the David Glascott look alike (same number and all) kicks one for the Blues, 3.5 to 7.5. At the 7 1/2min mark De Goey kicks another and we are still sort-of in it….Next thing Carlton kick it long into their forward line, it spills over the back and a crumber kicks it through. The classic two-card trick. 13min mark and the Cheats snap another and it’s 4.5 to 9.5….. Although it’s only midway though the 3rd, I really can’t see Collingwood getting out of this hole. At the 18min mark after a very short but GOOD passage of play Elliott takes a nice mark and kicks straight from 40 out, 45 degree angle. 22 mins and The blues get another, it’s 5.5 to 10.5. Much discussion about Buckley’s Plan “A”. No-one knows what Plan A is. Neither do the players. Plan A is not working. Time to go to Plan “B”. We don’t know if there is a Plan B. Is there a Plan B? There should be a Plan B. Can only be better than Plan A. 23min mark it’s 5.5 to 11.5. I’ve got to say at this point, whenever I watch Collingwood, that I always – always – stay to the end. Win or lose. Unless it’s Carlton. If we are copping a flogging I always leave early, because I just can’t bear it. Their supporters or their song. I’m committed to this report however and I’m duty-bound to stay and it’s not looking good. 25mins Elliott slots a nice one from 50ms. 30min mark and cannot believe the umpiring or the play – both are appalling, just shocking. After some more (expletive deleted) football we turn it over, Carlton rolls it over the top, thumps it through and we just look terrible.


Fourth quarter

14 mins in Moore goals from a nice mark from Reid who marks down back (again) and kicks beautifully to the lead. Only 4 goals down somehow. 18 mins and Faz has a set shot and misses what he should have eaten for breakfast. Next play Jamie Elliott has set shot and kicks it out on the full. All over red rover.

Full time at 26mins and Thank God it’s over. 8.8 to 12.7

Crowd: 70,200 thereabouts.


Well if you were taking someone to see a game of AFL for the first time and you took them to see this match it would turn them off for life. AFL? That’s just a game where a big pack of players follow a not round ball around all over a big cricket ground. They are all mostly in 50% or less of the ground, except when they start. They pass it to each other willy-nilly – it really doesn’t seem to matter what ‘side’ you are on they pass it to the other side too – and the umpires – there are three(?) – stop the play for no apparent reason at all and give the ball to a player who is loudly jeered! Can’t work it out at all…


Best players

Well, I thought that Owen might have had more difficulty than I would doing the DR’s, but sadly I was wrong.


Elliott would have figured, however he so often undid his great work (man, he ran hard) with shocking turnovers. As did Adams. Faz also undid his good teaming with Elliott by poor execution. They were really the only semblance we had of a forward line.  (Interestingly last time we played the Blues we scored 8.9 and we won by 12 points. Same comment about the lack of a forward line/structure though…..) Grundy was shaded I thought. Mr Silky – although in it – was largely ineffective as was Treloar. Howe was serviceable as per usual. Once again I have no idea what our coach and his team are on about.


Votes for the McGuane/ McKenna/Thomas Shield are as follows:


I could only find two players who I think deserved votes and so,


4 votes            Ben Reid. What a game. Did not make a mistake all day. Real class. Say no more.


2 votes            Tyson Goldsack. Goldie. The Sack. Another class act. Again.


I’m glad that I wasn’t at “The Party” tonight… I’m still crying.


  1. Your report made me smile Frank. More than the game did for you. At least you haven’t lost your sense of humour (only during games).

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