AFL Round 5 – Brisbane v Richmond: Wish We Had Jonathan Brown

Hey everyone. For the first time, I’m writing this as it happens. It’s LIVE(ish)!

Jack’s taken three marks and a screamer, kicked a goal and a point. And Maccafer doesn’t play for the Lions. YEAH! The Tiges are playing Brisbane in the Pineapple state, and we’re doing alright. Touch wood.

No Vickery for us, dropped after two touches in a half last week for Ricky Petterd. He joins the foreign legion of recycled players, including Houli, Grigg, Matt Thomas, Hampson, Gordon and Chaplin. Those seven are playing tonight.

I only said that to annoy Port and Blues supporters. Hee hee hee…

Not mentioning Ivan Maric, or Chris Knights….okay I’ll stop.

Right now, the Tigers look good. We’ve got our run back, Jack is jumping and Cotch…well Cotch is still being slapped and tugged and tagged. Again.

Matty Thomas is an absolute legend. Not as brilliantly talented or as silkily skilled (try saying that ten times fast) as Cotchin and Deledio, not as fast as Vlastuin or Martin and not as highly rated as, well, most other players, but he’s as tough as a two dollar steak and seems to have several identical twins wearing 19 at the bottom of every pack.

The only issue with our first quarter is the score. 2 goals 8 behinds. Needs to be improved, but it’s okay.

Just quickly, am I the only one who hates that Bunnings ad? The one about getting the family together at Easter, chucking everyone a paintbrush and spending Easter painting. Who can relate to that?

This new Lions player, Robertson starts the quarter brilliantly with a clearance and a penetrating kick inside 50. Richmond’s 50. And-a thank-you-very-much.

Jack nails the first with a good grab and goal, before Matty Thomas (see above) uses his great running skills to get mown down at the 50. He’s still hard though.

Brown kicks his first for the night. My perfect game here would be for Browny to kick 4 in his 250th, but the Tigers win by plenty and a bit.

Game now seems like a bad surf. Flat and boring, predictable. Vlastuin is great, and so is Arnot. Like him a lot. Matt Thomas with hair. I just got a mental image of those three all lined up, in army gear, chewing an ammo clip. Movie poster of course, with burning buildings and zombies in Collingwood jumpers. Dustin Martin would fit in well too.

Then Marto snaps a beauty from the boundary. He’s hard as well. Duh!

Lions kick one through Bewick from around 40, Marto misses one as well, a snap from boundary after shrugging off a coat of Lions.

Jackson Paine, I think he’s an ex-pie, jags one from 10 metres, and we’ve got a 13 point lead with around 5 minutes to go. Game starts to slow down a little, with a few silly errors. Cotch drops a sitter, but the Tigers hold on for half time, leading by 14 points.

Skill seems to have dropped down to an ugly scraping game. It seems to be spitting a little, the ball and grass are greasy. That, or someone’s put oil on everyone’s hands.

The third starts and oops, did I say oil on everyone’s hands? Just the Tigers. The ball seems to be a piece of soap in the hands of the yellow and black boys, but a magnet seems to have been injected to the hands of the Lions, and time and time again, the ball lands perfectly in their hands. It’s bang, bang, bang and bang for the Lions, and the games seems to have its own script, as the Lions are in front. I’m waiting for the doomsayers to pop through the sliding door, smiling jauntily.

And then…bang, bang, bang, bang and bang! Back come the Tigers, Jack kicks two in a minute, Cotchin kicks a captains goal out of nowhere and Arnot slots one. Amazingly, after all that, the Tigers win the quarter. Stupid stupid stupid.

Into the last then. Both subs are in the game, Matty Thomas and Jackson Paine in the red vest.

Edwards kicks an impossible one from the boundary, after a review goes with umpires call. Pressure is on each team, but the game is locked in a stalemate. Cool heads are needed, and Brown drops one at the 50. Skill level has dropped to under 9’s level.

One time I was in Richmond at a festival. Ben Griffiths picked up my balloon. I didn’t recognise him. Next time I see him, I’ll hug him. Griffo kicks a bomb to a pack in the goal square, the ball falls to the floor and the large toe of Shane Edwards pokes through another. Super Sub Nathan Gordon, ex-swan, strings two together for a 43 point lead. Gordon is a legend, but I miss Matty White.

You can hear Punt Rd take a breath from here. And “here” is a long way from Punt Rd.


Junk time now. I can finally enjoy the footy. Jack gives away a silly one, in the goal square. I wouldn’t be happy about it, but the annoyed and disbelieving look on Marto’s face is priceless, as the camera pans on him.

Gordon takes another mark and duly slots his third. Being sub is working well for Gordon, he’s played very well in that position. He’s played twice as sub and kicked 4 goals combined, while the one time he didn’t play as sub, he played a shocker.

Browny and Marto kick their fourth and third goals, and my script is complete. Not quite the way I expected it to go, but 4 points’ll do me.

And just as I’m about to finish up, both teams line up in a guard of honour to cheer Browny off. I’ve never seen that before. It sums up my entire evening, and in that moment, I realise that the Tigers aren’t as bad as everyone says they are.

Keep the faith. Go us.
BRISBANE LIONS 0.1 3.2 7.6 9.9 (63)
RICHMOND 2.8 4.10 9.13 15.16 (106)

Brisbane Lions: Brown 4, Bewick, Paine, Lester, Taylor, Cutler

Richmond: Riewoldt 4, Martin 3, Gordon 3, Edwards 2, Cotchin, Arnott, Petterd


Brisbane Lions: Brown, Rockliff, Zorko, Robinson, Lester.

Richmond: Petterd, Riewoldt, Cotchin, Martin, Jackson, Grigg, Vlastuin.


Cotchin (Rich) 1, Brown (BL) 2, Petterd (Rich) 3


  1. Paddy Grindlay says

    Nervous in the third? Is the pope catholic?

  2. Absolutely agree with you about the Bunnings ad, Paddy.

    As for the game…when is a win not a win?

  3. Awesome article Pat – very discriptive! And I too am with you on that Bunnings ad!

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