Round 5 – Hawthorn v Adelaide: Ballad of a Small Man

Ballad of a Small Man (to the tune of ‘Ballad of a Thin Man’, by Bob Dylan)
Gareth Meyer

 

Betts sneaks into the forward line

With the Sherrin in his hand

He sees the goal square open

And says, “hey, I am the man”

The Hawks seem off their game

I just don’t understand

Just what I’ll say

If we get done

 

Because something is happening here

But you don’t know what it is

Do you, Mister Clarko?

 

Cyril pokes a ball forward

And you ask, “Who was it to?”

And somebody points to you and says

“It’ll do”

And you say, “Will he pick it up?”

And somebody else says, “Off the ground will do”

And you say, “Oh my God

Did he soccer that through?”

 

Because something is happening

But you don’t know what it is

Do you, Mister Pyke?

 

The Hawks hand back the lead

As the play fav-ours the sneak

A Crows supporter comes up to you

When he hears you speak

And says, “Isn’t Eddie Betts, such a freak?”

And you say, “Impossible”

As he slams another goal

 

Because something is happening here

But you don’t know what it is

Do you, Mister Clarko?

 

Sam Mitchell gets his speedy hands

Among the crowded packs

To get the ball to a runner in a better position

But nobody has any doubts

Anyway they already expect him

To just clock up

Another forty possessions

 

Burgoyne’s worked with different coaches

And they’ve all liked his moves

They throw him in the centre

To stem the carry of the Crows

Three hundred senior games

Is good in anyone’s book

He’s very well drilled

It’s well known

 

Because something is happening here

But you don’t know what it is

Do you, Mister Clarko?

 

Well, the strong Pu-op-olo,

comes from the side, and then he soars

He takes the ball and then

He lands back on his heels

And without further notice

He nails it through the goals

And he says, “Here are your shoulders back

Thanks for the loan”

 

And you know something is happening here

And you don’t know what it is

Do you, Mister Clarko?

 

Lewis sees this one-eyed supporter

Shouting the word “NOW”

And Lewis says, “For what reason?”

And he says, “we’re 15 points down?”

And Lewis say, “We know how to win”

And he screams back, “Better go now

Give me some goals

Or else go home”

 

Because something is happening here

But you don’t know what it is

Do you, Mister Clarko?

 

Well Cyril kept the ball alive

As he hugged the boundary line

He flicked out a handball

And Mitchell put it in Poppy’s line

It ought to be a sin

To repeat such narrow wins

You should be made

To feel the way fans do

Because the Hawthorn Hawks escaped again

But you want a more convincing win

Don’t you, Mister Clarko?

 

HAWTHORN      4.3   10.5   12.6   17.10 (112)

ADELAIDE         7.1   10.3   14.6    17.7  (109)

 

GOALS

Hawthorn: Puopolo 5, Rioli 4, Sicily 2, Breust, Gunston, O’Brien, McEvoy, Ceglar, Smith

Adelaide: Betts 3, Jenkins 2, Walker 2, McGovern 2, Lyons 2, Lynch 2, Brown, Cameron, Seedsman, Sloane

 

BEST

Hawthorn: Puopolo, Mitchell, Rioli, Hodge, Smith

Adelaide: Sloane, Thompson, Atkins, Mackay, Lynch, Jacobs

 

Umpires: Foot, Nicholls, Ryan

Official crowd: 45,781 at the MCG

Votes:  Puopolo (H), Mitchell (H), Sloane (A)