Round 5 – Hawthorn v Adelaide: Ballad of a Small Man
Ballad of a Small Man (to the tune of ‘Ballad of a Thin Man’, by Bob Dylan)
Gareth Meyer
Betts sneaks into the forward line
With the Sherrin in his hand
He sees the goal square open
And says, “hey, I am the man”
The Hawks seem off their game
I just don’t understand
Just what I’ll say
If we get done
Because something is happening here
But you don’t know what it is
Do you, Mister Clarko?
Cyril pokes a ball forward
And you ask, “Who was it to?”
And somebody points to you and says
“It’ll do”
And you say, “Will he pick it up?”
And somebody else says, “Off the ground will do”
And you say, “Oh my God
Did he soccer that through?”
Because something is happening
But you don’t know what it is
Do you, Mister Pyke?
The Hawks hand back the lead
As the play fav-ours the sneak
A Crows supporter comes up to you
When he hears you speak
And says, “Isn’t Eddie Betts, such a freak?”
And you say, “Impossible”
As he slams another goal
Because something is happening here
But you don’t know what it is
Do you, Mister Clarko?
Sam Mitchell gets his speedy hands
Among the crowded packs
To get the ball to a runner in a better position
But nobody has any doubts
Anyway they already expect him
To just clock up
Another forty possessions
Burgoyne’s worked with different coaches
And they’ve all liked his moves
They throw him in the centre
To stem the carry of the Crows
Three hundred senior games
Is good in anyone’s book
He’s very well drilled
It’s well known
Because something is happening here
But you don’t know what it is
Do you, Mister Clarko?
Well, the strong Pu-op-olo,
comes from the side, and then he soars
He takes the ball and then
He lands back on his heels
And without further notice
He nails it through the goals
And he says, “Here are your shoulders back
Thanks for the loan”
And you know something is happening here
And you don’t know what it is
Do you, Mister Clarko?
Lewis sees this one-eyed supporter
Shouting the word “NOW”
And Lewis says, “For what reason?”
And he says, “we’re 15 points down?”
And Lewis say, “We know how to win”
And he screams back, “Better go now
Give me some goals
Or else go home”
Because something is happening here
But you don’t know what it is
Do you, Mister Clarko?
Well Cyril kept the ball alive
As he hugged the boundary line
He flicked out a handball
And Mitchell put it in Poppy’s line
It ought to be a sin
To repeat such narrow wins
You should be made
To feel the way fans do
Because the Hawthorn Hawks escaped again
But you want a more convincing win
Don’t you, Mister Clarko?
HAWTHORN 4.3 10.5 12.6 17.10 (112)
ADELAIDE 7.1 10.3 14.6 17.7 (109)
GOALS
Hawthorn: Puopolo 5, Rioli 4, Sicily 2, Breust, Gunston, O’Brien, McEvoy, Ceglar, Smith
Adelaide: Betts 3, Jenkins 2, Walker 2, McGovern 2, Lyons 2, Lynch 2, Brown, Cameron, Seedsman, Sloane
BEST
Hawthorn: Puopolo, Mitchell, Rioli, Hodge, Smith
Adelaide: Sloane, Thompson, Atkins, Mackay, Lynch, Jacobs
Umpires: Foot, Nicholls, Ryan
Official crowd: 45,781 at the MCG
Votes: Puopolo (H), Mitchell (H), Sloane (A)

About Gareth Meyer
Part-time food, wine and travel writer (and photographer), Hawks supporter since Huddo senior had the football on a string, proud owner of Martha the toy poodle.
Now that is eloquent!
Onya
I Like it Gareth! Even though I love Dylan, I don’t recall that music off-hand, but the I can well imagine it while reading your words.
Thanks