Round 4 – Geelong v North Melbourne: Mr Potato Head

Righto I need to set things straight here. The Cats are not gone.


Yes I know they have been written off by footy “experts” (the same experts who struggle to tip over 4 or 5 winners each week), but that actually gives me comfort. I think they can and will make the eight this year.


So far in 2015 the Cats have lost to Hawthorn, Fremantle, and the Roos. They’ve beaten Gold Coast. The three losses have been against teams all touted to be in the top 6, with Hawthorn and Fremantle pencilled in as top 2 or 3. In fact, when Hawthorn beat Geelong in Round 1 there was commentary around the fact that the Cats had just been defeated by the greatest team in the history of the game. And Hawks fans were flogging themselves behind closed doors in the hope that their team hadn’t peaked too soon! The arrogance was extraordinary. Since then however, they have demonstrated that they are mere mortals; albeit less mortal than some.


Meanwhile our good friend Ross from over Fremantle way was trying his best not to burst after his boys demolished a disappointing Geelong in Round 2. His victorious smirk was the smirkiest smirk in the history of smirks.

“Nat Fyfe,” he said, “Yeah he’s going well isn’t he.”

It was the greatest understatement since Washington Mutual came out with a statement in 2008 that it was experiencing difficulties (not long after it hit the ditch with $307 billion in assets on the books). The Purple Haze has also beaten the mighty Power, the flightless Eagles, and the subsidised Swans. Could they be the greatest team in the history of the game? The big Pav is still moving like a Rolls Royce, and Sandilands just refuses to shrink. Though this week they have a danger game against Jesse Hogan and his mates.

So on Sunday both the Scott brothers packed their angry eyes and went to Kardinia Park. The Cats marched all over the sluggish Roos in the first quarter. They looked every bit a top 13 team. Handballs were nearly hitting targets and kicks were usually going to team mates. Caddy got a kick and Motlop thought really hard about chasing an opponent up the field (in the end he didn’t chase but it’s the thought that counts). Poor bloke went to the bench exhausted.

In the second quarter the Cats intensity dropped. The Flower Pot Man at centre half back wasn’t helping. Goldstein began to exert his influence. The Roos were getting hold of the ball in the mid field, and they banged on 5 goals on the trot. Still, it could have been worse, it could have been 6 goals on the trot.


  1. Scott swapped his angry eyes at half time for his livid eyes. And he put on his plastic forehead that furrows his brow and makes him look thoughtful. I’m a pretty good lip reader. This is what he was saying to the blokes on the bench.

“Get Ablett on the ball forchrissakes.”


“Err, Ablett plays at Gold Coast, Scotty.”


“Yes, not Ablett, I mean Ling.”


“Lingy retired Scotty.”


“Well get Chappy then. Where’s Chappy?”


“Ummm, you gave him the flick mate. He plays at Essendon.”


“I’m so bloody angry. Do I look angry?”




“Good. Hand me my pensive eyes please. Don’t want to overdo the angry thing.”


Somehow the Cats stayed in the game. A good Roos side will do that; let an inferior team stay in the game. That’s why they will never go into the upper echelon. They are missing “it”, whatever “it” actually is. They have the midfield, they have the forwards, they have a functioning defence lead by Thompson, they have……….wait a second. There it is, “lead by Thompson”. Good-ordinary. Or maybe just ordinary/ordinary. When most people run, their legs go north/south. His go east/west. Remind me not to be reincarnated as a hip bone or knee bone in one of his progeny.

With half a quarter to go the Cats were still a chance. Five points down and Johnno was on the field. They peppered the goal with a shot. It missed. Then the Roos peppered their goals with multiple shots. They didn’t miss. Five points became 25 points in the time it took Horlin-Smith to run off the field from the Members’ Stand wing (that’s a very long 20 metres).

The siren and about six top class midfielders beat the Cats (And a ruckman. And a genuine centre half forward. And a committed centre half back. And a full back wouldn’t hurt either).

I sat consumed by grief. My beloved Cats are normal again, I thought. The Premiership drought, that extends all the way back to 2011, is set to continue. But all is not lost. Next week we play Richmond.

About Damian O'Donnell

I'm passionate about breathing. And you should always chase your passions. If I read one more thing about what defines leadership I think I'll go crazy. Go Cats.


  1. Malcolm Ashwood says

    Good stuff Dips the Cats youngsters just aren’t doning enough and I seriously have not yet given up re GHS playing test cricket ( best junior cricketer I have seen )
    Was glad to see ,ex redleg Trent Dumont finally get a game and play a starring role in the last q to help get the roos up .

  2. Piss funny Dips. Funniest thing I have read all week. Funniest thing I have seen was Brisbane and my Eagles doing footy meets Keystone Cops. But that was funny sad; yours was funny clever.

  3. Frustrating day at the office for us Cats fans Dips. Hard to nut out the game plan, isn’t it. At present it seems to be get the ball to a packed forward line (slowly) and hope for a towering mark.

    Then hope that your opponents don’t have any quick blokes who can run the ball to the other end for the easiest of goals on the rebound. I lost count after North did this to us six or seven times in a row on Sunday.

    Oh well as you say we’ve got the Tigers next week. After their flogging by the Demons they’ll only be playing for their own and their coach’s careers and the whole future of the Richmond football club. Should be a walk in the park for the mighty Cats.

    Maybe Joel Selwood can drag us over the line – again!

    Cheers, Burkie

  4. Rulebook – GHS can play footy – but very slowly. He’d be no good between the wickets in cricket.
    PB – how the mighty fall. It happens quickly.
    Burkie – I seriously think we can make the top 8. Just need a confidence booster over the Tiges. Game plan is a worry. Long bombs to Snake went out in the 70s.

  5. “His victorious smirk was the smirkiest smirk in the history of smirks.”

    Nice line.

    Ross Lyon could smirk for Australia. It’s a smirk that needs punching. But I still reckon a Ross Lyon-coached side will never win a flag.

    And he who smirks last will smirk longest.

    And for the Cats, as you say, all is not lost. Next week we do play Richmond. And they appear to have less game plan than we do.

  6. E.regnans says

    Love it, Dips.
    Go pies.

  7. Andrew Starkie says

    Move over, Dips. We’re coming through.

  8. dips,
    Cats no good but we love them. What can you do?

  9. Geelong reminds me of North in 2001.
    Still a solid unit. Might jag a few wins.
    Could finish in the eight.
    Geelong remind me of a former boxing champion.
    Considered a stepping stone, but can surprise regularly.
    I’m very happy North won.
    If we didn’t, we’d be 1-3 and the Cats would be 2-2.
    Footy is tough…

  10. John Butler says

    I think Ross has got in your head Dips. Not that you’d be alone with that down at Catland.

    The Scott brothers and their “angry eyes”. Like that.

  11. Skip of Skipton says

    Richmond often turn up at the right time for the Cats.

    0-3 to start 2004, then beat Richmond in round 4 on their way to a prelim.

    2-3 to start 2007, then massacred Richmond in round 6 on their way to the flag.

    This Saturday is a kind of crossroads. Which way this result goes could have a big influence on the future.

    Out: Murdoch, Horlin-Smith.

    In: Anybody else.

  12. Love those last two lines, Dips: “All is not lost. Next week we play Richmond.”
    Soften them up a bit more, North play them the week after.

  13. “A good Roos side will do that; let an inferior team stay in the game.”

    *sigh* too true.

    Pleased enough with winning, I suppose. Long way to go yet.

  14. Interested to hear views on Harry Taylor so far in 2015? Especially from Cat fans.

  15. Mathilde de Hauteclocque says

    Thanks Dips. I had serious, and genuine, smile lines reading this, especially the meat between all those brackets! To think that there were four angry eyes in coach’s boxes down at Kardinia Park last weekend. And only one set got flicked to ‘pleased but we’re keeping a lid on it.’ They do their Buzz Lightyears well, those Scott boys. Can still remember the moment he realised he was normal too …

  16. Paul Spinks says

    Good one, Dips. Agree, North didn’t put us away as much as they shouldv’e. As a loss it was almost a percentage win. Watching it live (meaning – at the ground); the effort was there, but we’re just not good enough at the moment. Mids and forwards were out of sync – leads going one way, delivery the other – when it wasn’t being bombed. Seemed like we had 36 men in our forward half for most of the last three quarters.
    Next week is the sort of game the Tiges usually win, so it will be interesting to see how we go.

Leave a Comment