Round 3 – Geelong v Brisbane: Stress Reduction 101

Stress Reduction 101

Geelong v Brisbane


Simonds Stadium, 4.40 PM



This isn’t directed at fans of a singular team. Instead, I reach out to the unfortunate many who chose to support teams who have struggled for quite a prolonged period of time. Myself, I put my faith in Brisbane, following in my father’s footsteps, spurred on by their extended triumphs between 2001 and 2003, who have since not made finals since 2009, but this is also incredibly relevant to fans of the Demons, Saints and Blues. And before Richmond fans chime in, no, it’s not that relevant for you. You’ve had your chances. Maybe don’t choose to kick against the wind in an elimination final.


For these supporters, football is quite often not an enjoyable experience, but the excitement leading up to the weekend hypes you up, gives you false hope that maybe this week will be the week your fortunes change. For the vast majority of the time, it’s not. Disappointed, you look to hide from football as you once again grieve the death of your team’s season, but in Melbourne, it’s not that easy to hide from. Every day on the news, you hear more and more about the next week, until eventually, usually around Thursday night you succumb to the excitement and once again look forward to your next game, usually with the same result, thus continuing the vicious cycle. For these unfortunate individuals, I have a few tips for making your way through the week, and indeed game day with minimum distress.


  1. Always tip against your team. To some people, this may seem like sacrilege. To me it’s common sense. Sure, when you lose you’re still sad, but you’re also one step closer to winning that $20 tipping comp you’ve got with your mates. Plus, if it’s on, you might even get a free Whopper for your efforts, because nothing makes you feel better than inhaling an exorbitant amount of calories whilst you desperately tell yourself that you’re doing fine, and that the 1 kilo increase on the scales is definitely a one-off, because you’re finally getting your life together, even if that bloody team of yours can’t……….

Always tip against your team


  1. Play fantasy football. SuperCoach, Dream Team, AFL Fantasy, doesn’t matter. Get involved, and here’s a helpful hint. Have at least one player from each team, so that you can make them captain when they’re playing your side. Trust me, having Patrick Dangerfield as captain this week was such a satisfying result, as it allowed me to take my side to a third consecutive win, placing us second on the ladder, because that’s how you coach a team to a win Leppa you stupid mother……

Play fantasy football.



  1. Buy a yoga ball. This doesn’t mean to do yoga on or anything, it’s just very cathartic to whack across your room every time one of your players makes a basic skill error or gives away a stupid free kick. Not looking at anyone. *Harris Andrews, Daniel Merrett* Also, it’s much cheaper than throwing your phone against a wall, which may or may not have happened when Josh Walker missed everything from 20 metres out…….

Buy a yoga ball


Seriously, these tips work. I’ve been doing these for years, and I’m doing fine. Seriously. I’m fine.







Geelong 6.2 10.5 12.14 18.17 (125)
Brisbane 1.5 3.9 6.11 7.14 (56)



Geelong: Hawkins 4, Kersten, Dangerfield 3, McCarthy, Motlop 2, Menzel, Bartel, Blicavs, Duncan
Brisbane: Bell 2, Taylor, Green, Martin, Bastinac, McStay



Geelong: Dangerfield, Blicavs, Enright, Selwood, Bartel, Caddy, Mackie, Hawkins
Brisbane: Robinson, Bastinac, Bell, Taylor, Bewick


Umpires: Findlay, Jeffery, Mollinson. Crowd: 23, 320


Our Votes: Dangerfield (GEE) 3, Blicavs (GEE) 2, Enright (GEE) 1






  1. Dave Brown says

    Nice one, Jonathan. I’m a great fan and long time user of No. 1. Either way you win

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