Round 23 – Carlton v Collingwood – Mum’s the word, there’s a fox in the hen house (or a Magpie in the Blues’ house)

WOW, just WOW!!!  I’m still processing the experience of our Round 23 win and all I can come up with is “Wow”, “unbelievable”, “@#$#^% Caaarrrtlton” and “GO PIES”.

 

Today was one of those days that was unforgettable.  Over the years I’ve had the great fortune of attending some big sporting occasions through work related supplier invitations.  Earlier this year the account manager of an AFL sponsor advised me that she had me pencilled in for the Carlton President’s Lunch for the Round 23 Carlton v Collingwood game.  She sat next to me at the 2018 Preliminary Final and saw my daughter and I go nuts as the Pies played one of the greatest games of all time.  Her kids are Pies fans and they were also celebrating with us on the night, and she loved all the excitement and knew that I would be a grateful recipient of the invite.

 

When she told me that I was on the invite list, I warned her that Carlton games bring out the best and worst in me, and that despite my performance in the stands at the 2018 Prelim, as BTO would say “you ain’t seen nothing yet!”  As a Pies fan born in the early 60s, I’ve had an almost life-long affliction called ‘Carlton paranoia’.  My therapist has warned me to never speak of the incidents that have caused this affliction, but it relates to the results of a number of important games over the years and the relentless smug gloating and lack of sportsmanship from their mob.  Sure, we knocked the Blues out of finals in 1978, 1980 & 1984, and ensured their long overdue first wooden spoon in 2002, but sadly these glorious events didn’t make a dent in the paranoia.

 

So, with the Carlton paranoia affliction front of mind, I asked if she really wanted to invite me to the official Carlton lunch!!   She was insistent.  Fast forward a few months and she resigned (I don’t think it was related to the realisation of what might happen at the Carlton v Collingwood game, but I can’t be too sure).  Thankfully the new account manager is a mad Pies Fan and in our handover meeting he confirms that I’m locked in for the game.

 

A few weeks ago I had to confirm I was accepting the invite and who my ‘+1’ was going to be. Boy-oh-boy was that an interesting process.  Back then it was clear that there was going to be a lot riding on the game and it was likely to be an emotion filled and cut-throat Sunday afternoon.  Up until this year, I have only ever accepted one corporate invite to a Carlton game – it was the depressing day in 2000 at Princes Park where we got pumped.  I’ve declined plenty as, like George Costanza, I didn’t want my worlds to collide.  I’m like a Jekyll and Hyde – calm, even temperament and respectful at work and then at a Carlton v Collingwood game I’m likely to be completely ‘footy feral’! But, given the occasion, it being a Carlton home game and only having a ‘home game’ membership this season, I decided to accept the offer.

 

So given my potentially unstable state of mind at the game I had to the make the big decision of my +1.  First thoughts were my best mate or brother. But both are as footy feral as me and would clearly be a bad influence on me at such an occasion.  Then my daughters.  One of them is right into the footy, but it’s her partner’s birthday on the Saturday and they were likely going away for the weekend, and the other one is not really into it and usually only has Sundays for family fun time.  Then it dawned on me, it was my beautiful Mum’s birthday on Sunday, so what better to celebrate her birthday than treat her to the footy in style!  Mum is a mad Pies fan and use to go most years in the late 50s through to the early 90s, including joining as a social club member with us young yahoos in the mid 80s to early 90s!  She hasn’t been to the footy since the early 90s, but she watches most games live including heading over to the local pub when its on Foxtel.

 

And apart from a birthday treat, it was also a clever anger management plan by me.  If there’s anyone that can keep me in line it’s still Mum.  As one of my mad Pies mates from work said to me when I told him “Ramon, Ramon, Ramon, how old are you!?!??!  You still need your mother to keep you in line,,,,, I love it!!”.

 

And so it came to game day.  Like Vlado’s, the stakes were unbelievable.  If we win, we jump back into the top four, but almost more importantly to Pies fans, we also bundle the Blues out of the top 8.  Despite outplaying them when we met earlier in the year and our recent 11 game winning streak, my Carlton paranoia is still niggling away at me.  Mum and I get the 12:05 train into Richmond and wander through the MCG Car Park to the G for the 1pm Presidents Lunch start time. The sun is shining and there’s a quiet calm around the outside of the ground. Plenty of young bucks heading the opposite way to us and over to the pubs for the pre-game beer.  We arrive into the MCC Olympic Room and we are on Table 24 which is very close to the main stage and we’re surrounded by plenty of dignitaries and celebrities.  Our table is strategically 8 Pies fans and 2 Blues fans, nice work from our account manager to stack the table.

 

On the table next to us are political Pies John Brumby and Sally Capp.  The Prez Jeff Browne and CEO Mark Anderson are at the main table.  Tony Armstrong, the bloke from MasterChef (the guy with dark hair and beard who is a Pies fan) and Dylan Alcott are on another table near us.  Michael ‘Lemon Rinse’ Roberts is the MC and apparently there’s a few famous Carlton people there too.   We’re treated to a smoked trout entrée, Roast Chook main and some assorted desserts.  And the silver tails at Carlton have outdone themselves with the drinks.  They’ve got a trio of Penfolds Shiraz tastings for us – A Bin 28, Bin 128 and Bin 150 Marananga Shiraz, and the smart@rse bloke who did the Masterclass gave a typical sledge to us Pies fans saying that wines do come in bottles!!!  Ho, ho, ho went the silvertails.  We then get a nice bottle of St Henri Shiraz (pronounced Shiruuuuz, not ShiRAZZ) delivered to the table and a few of us Pies fans delight in the quality offerings at the Blues’ expense.

 

 

The Carlton President has his speech.  It reminds me of the Gary Larson cartoon where a dog owner talks to his dog and then he has ’what the dog hears’ – “blah blah blah blah blah”.  The bit that I did hear was when he referenced the 1992 Round 23 game at VFL Park and that they had two of the stars from that game up for an interview.  I quickly checked the game scores on AFL Tables and see that we won the game and had my fingers crossed that there’d be a Pies player and not two Bluesers!  To my delight, I look stage left and I see the great man Peter Daicos waiting in the wings.  Next to him is former Collingwood supporter, Kouta.

 

 

Daics has his game face on, he (jokingly) refuses to shake hands with Kouta.  Kouta talks about how much he and his mate Ange Christou loved the Pies and Daics.  He recalled that at this game that the veteran superstar Daics laid a big bump on rookie Ange, and Ange got up and told Kouta that he’d been touched by the hand of God!  Daics tips us to win by 9 goals to wind up the crowd, Kouta tips the Blues to win by a point. After Daics finishes, he comes near our table so I jump up and say gday.  I had the pleasure of getting to know Daics in the early/mid 2000s through work and have bumped into him a few times over the years since and I was delighted that he still remembered me.  He was pretty pumped and off to his next speaking gig, but it was great to shake the hand of God again.

 

And so it gets closer to game time, the moment of truth.  We get into our premium seats.  I’ve got Diesel and Kouta behind me, Sticks is a few seats further along, their CEO Cookie two rows behind, the AFL Chairman and one of his commissioners and lots of other Carlton power brokers all around me.  It’s more tense than Ray’s City store.

 

 

The game starts and we dominate possession and inside 50 early, but back to my old bug-bear from previous years we waste our chances and are not only 1.4.10 again (damn I hate that!), but then go to 1.5.11!  I tell Mum we should be 5 goals up and my Carlton paranoia tells me we’re going to regret not taking these chances.  The second quarter we let them drag us down to their level, but thankfully late in the quarter we kick a few goals to get three goals up.  Ginni with a couple of classy goals, AJ and Sidey kicking blinders and Crispy a typical running goal.

 

We go inside for the compulsory half-time party pies and sausage rolls and by the way things play out in the 3^rd quarter it looks like the Pies’ players also hopped into them as well.  We were dreadful and couldn’t get anything happening.  The umps give Carlton some silver service free kicks with an appalling quarter of holding the ball/tackle decisions.  In the blink of an eye they’ve helped them to 4 goals and hit the front.  They then get their silver tails up and are on fire and it reminds me of those dreadful “premiership quarter” days of the late 70s and early 80s.  My paranoia kicks in again and I take umbrage at the umpires’ performance and let my feelings be known.  Mum gives me a nudge and tells me to settle down, onya Mum.   It’s ¾ time and in the background, a few of the Blues crew are checking the Virgin Australia app for flights to Brisbane.

 

It’s still looking grim early in the last quarter and my Carlton paranoia is still with me, but Mum tells me it’s not over yet.  All of a sudden we start to play our game style again and take the game on.  Timely goals to AJ and big Coxy and my mind somehow goes into 2022 auto-pilot mode as the time clock ticks past 11 minutes and we’re within three kicks!  The Pies crowd comes alive again and you can see the Blues crew starting to get anxious.  The Pies tsunami is starting to gather its momentum.  A goal to Billy Elliott, from a stunning high mark that wound back the clock to his youth, followed by a McCreery goal of the year contender bought the house down.  We are within a kick at the 21 minute mark and the crowd is ballistic!

 

And the rest is history, sweet glorious history.  A classic 2022 Pies’ slingshot from deep in defence with the usual suspects – Daicos to Maynard to Pendlebury to the Iceman Elliott who slots one of the most satisfying and exhilarating goals in my long football supporting life.  As the noise of the Pies crowd behind the goals confirms we’ve hit the front, I leap out of my premium seat and pogo uncontrollably and fist pump the air like a madman.  But, my instinctive goal celebrations are tempered with the realisation that there’s still work to be done.  But, despite my Carlton paranoia, I have a somewhat sense of calm, we’ve shown all year we’ve got these moments and to my delight we do our normal last 90 seconds lockdown work and we win the unwinnable again.  As the siren goes, I leap out of my seat again doing the pogo and hugging everyone around me, including a big hug with Mum.  The crowd noise was just unbelievable.  The Pies’ filled Ponsford Stand was a sight to behold, it was rocking like I’ve never seen before.  I can’t believe we did it, we finally beat these @#$@#$% traditional rivals in a massive game.  We finish top four and we kick them out of the finals, how sweet it is and the post match beers were just as sweet!

 

What an amazing day it was, one of the greatest games I’ve ever experienced and to share it with my Mum was unforgettable.  Happy Birthday Mum, thank you Collingwood and GO PIES!!

 

 

CARLTON                0.3       2.5       10.8       10.14 (74)
COLLINGWOOD      3.5       5.6       6.8          11.9 (75)

 

GOALS
Carlton: Curnow 2, McKay 2, Motlop 2, Cerra 2, Docherty, Owies
Collingwood: Ginnivan 3, Elliott 2, Johnson 2, Sidebottom, Crisp, McCreery, Cox

 

BEST  
Carlton: Cripps, Cerra, Docherty, Curnow, McKay, Setterfield, Young
Collingwood: Moore, J.Daicos, Pendlebury, Maynard, N.Daicos, Ginnivan

 

INJURIES
Carlton: Nil
Collingwood: Nil 

 

LATE CHANGES
Carlton: Sam Walsh (back soreness) replaced in selected side by Lochie O’Brien
Collingwood: Nil

 

SUBSTITUTES
Carlton: Jack Newnes (unused)
Collingwood: Ollie Henry (unused)

 

Crowd: 88,287 at the MCG

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