Round 19 – Collingwood v Carlton: The umps have been terrible – except for Uncle Adam!

We’re at the MCG carpark, 20 minutes after setting off for that destination. The benefit of spending Friday night in Melbourne. Feels strange not making the two hour journey to the greatest stadium on the planet. The Coodabeens are on as we make our way in to Gate 4.

Friday night was spent at a Mark Seymour & The Undertow gig at the National Theatre in St Kilda. He’s in career best form. Myself, Mrs R and oldest son Gavin (his first gig!) attend the show while the younger two are dropped off to Uncle Adam and Aunty Kim in nearby Brighton. We return post-gig and everyone is asleep.

All five of us arrive in time to see plenty of the VFL clash between Collingwood and the Northern Blues being played as a curtain raiser. If that’s what you call an event that finishes an hour before the main show. Jesse White dominates, marking strongly, kicking big goals from outside 50. May have found his spot, a big future at VFL level awaits. We beat the VFL Blues easily.

What a wonderful sight to see the number 20 out on the field in black and white doing the warm-up. Ben Reid is back, finally playing his 100th game. He marks early, to a huge roar from the Magpie Army in attendance. He misses the relatively straightforward shot at goal. It’s somewhat comforting, we’re used to our left-footed key forwards doing this…

Uncle Adam is running the boundary in this game. Mrs R watching her brother run around much more than watching the Pies and Blues. Gavin remarks that the umpires “have been terrible, except for Uncle Adam”. May have been listening to his Dad too much.

Reid marks again after a pass from Swan, and kicks a goal from almost the same spot as his earlier miss. He’s swamped by his teammates, and there’s much joy amongst us Pies fans in the Olympic Stand. We need those calf muscles to stay strong.

Alex Fasolo kicks two goals in 30 seconds and we lead by 7 points at quarter time. Early Collingwood misses and a couple of Carlton goals and we’re behind. Carlton are well represented in the crowd, and their fans are up. Reid kicks a second, Elliott his first, Maynard his career first and Fasolo his third as the Magpies stretch the lead to 16 at half time, a late Everitt goal bringing the Blues back within 3 goals. Andrejs looks a much better player than previous observations.

The boys love a pie at the footy and are totally invested in the game. Not so two year old Emily at her second AFL game. She claps when the crowd claps, irritating the boys when it’s a Carlton goal she’s clapping. She likes to change her seat every few minutes, causing much shuffling of position between the five of us. A box of Barbecue shapes placates her for a while, though said shapes are licked clean of their flavouring, with the soggy, tasteless biscuit part thrown on the ground. I kick a nice little pile of spent shapes under my seat. Might be a while before her third game…

Early goals to Swan and Fasolo get us out to a 28 point lead in the third quarter. Sidebottom lines up from 20m out and it’s how far Collingwood. He misses. Carlton get themselves back into the game, and two late goals to Everitt see them trail by 15 points at the last change.

Carlton get the margin down to three points early in the final term. Surely we can’t lose seven in a row. Josh, five, loves yelling at the footy. “C’mon Pies, kick a goal!”. They kick a couple. Carlton respond. Blair and Swan seal the game with goals. The Pies have played poorly, horrible disposal again, but it’s bloody nice to win again. And of course any victory over the old dark navy blues is a sweet victory.

78 touches between Swan and Pendlebury. We can’t have had many better midfield duo’s. Fasolo played one of his very best games. But the story of the day was Ben Reid. Finally back on the park, marking strongly, kicking four goals, giving hope. He deserves a decent run from the footy gods.

Ben Reid

It was a pretty poor standard game. Not much of it was reviewed on the drive home. The Mark Seymour gig was talked about instead.

“That’s what you get, when you’re waiting for the football train”

COLLINGWOOD 3.2 7.7 9.9 16.9 105
CARLTON 2.2 5.3 7.6 13.9 87

COLLINGWOOD: Reid 4, Fasolo 4, Swan 3, Elliott 2, Maynard, Blair, Crisp
CARLTON: Everitt 4, Casboult 2, Murphy 2, Bell, Carazzo, Buckley, Boekhorst, Whiley

COLLINGWOOD: Swan, Pendlebury, Reid, Fasolo, Greenwood, Crisp, Williams, Langdon, Blair
CARLTON: Murphy, Cripps, Everitt, Carazzo, Simpson

CROWD: 48,133 at the MCG

UMPIRES: Schmitt, Jeffrey, Deboy

3. Dane Swan (Coll)
2. Scott Pendlebury (Coll)
1. Ben Reid (Coll)

About Luke Reynolds

Cricket and Collingwood tragic. Twitter: @crackers134


  1. Malcolm Ashwood says

    Good stuff Luke, would have been enjoyable watching Mrs R barrack for Adam

  2. Dave Brown says

    Nice one Luke. Well done for getting to watch any footy amongst the wrangling of three young uns. That’s the trouble when you actually know umpires, it takes some of the fun out of having a crack at them. Our standard pattern tends to be spending two hours yelling at them and then 30 minutes explaining to the kids that they weren’t actually to blame for us losing.

  3. Dave Nadel says

    Good report, Luke.

    Dave B. Surely you don’t yell at boundary umpires. Apart from a certain incident in September 1979, I mostly ignore boundary umpires and restrict my outrage to field umpires and occasionally goal umpires.

  4. Phillip Dimitriadis says

    Wonderful stuff, Luke.
    There were a few comments flying around about Marc Murphy being a ‘protected species’ in the third quarter. We broke the drought and that is important for the confidence of our young fellas. Like Emily, I’m a sucker for the Barbecue Shapes. Why can’t I have just one or two?

  5. Dave Brown says

    Only the ones I know, Dave N

  6. Glad you made the point about the curtain raiser Luke. We get one for the whole bloody year and it finishes an hour before the main event – what’s the point?

    I reckon ‘When the river runs dry’ might have summed up where Collingwood’s been at the past few weeks. The return of Reid and Cloke will prove to be 4 weeks too late.

  7. Barry McAdam says

    Great story. How good is it to see Reid back!
    Thought Swan was finished last year, glad he has proven me wrong.

  8. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    Emily’s done well to find any flavouring on the said biscuits. Back in my day …

  9. Andrew Fithall says

    Great stuff Luke. A lesson I was taught very early by some older cousins: when taking young children to the footy, take them hungry and bring along a lot of food.

    A very unsatisfying win by the Pies. Looking forward to an upset victory tomorrow evening.


  10. Gill Coote says

    Very entertaining write up!

  11. No such thing as an unsatisfying win against the Blues AF! We’re only 3 away in the historical W/L record now.

    What I love about BBQ Shapes besides the flavour is the inconsistency in the red/green flavour ratio. Call me Forrest Gump but imo it’s great not knowing exactly what you’re gonna get.

  12. Luke Reynolds says

    Jeff spot on about the curtain raiser. If it has to finish an hour before the game, it may as well be played at Victoria Park. Much better than an empty hour in the middle of a 6 hour stint at the ‘G.

  13. Next time we go I am sitting next to Gavin. Emily’s non attention span & Josh’s very enthusiasic cheering was very distracting! Then I might get some bbq shapes & be able to concentrate on the game.

  14. Mark Seymour sees more than most of us in his observations and perceptions of the everyday. Thanks Luke.

  15. Mickey Randall says

    Thanks Luke. Top weekend! Every parent owes a significant debt to the soothing power of the Barbecue Shape. They should be paid a salary. Glad for you the Magpies had a win. Good stuff. Is Bucks safe?

  16. Great story L Reynolds.
    An umpire in the family: terrific.
    Would love to know his story- junior footballer? In the western district? Middle distance runner? How does a bloke wind up running the boundary at the MCG?

    Good call Mrs R.

  17. Luke Reynolds says

    Thanks all for the comments.
    Mickey-I’m a Buckley man. Full faith in the process. I have him very safe ATM.
    ER- Uncle Adam played under 16’s for Camperdown before embarking on an umpiring career. Gun cricketer, 2 x Pomborneit Division 1 b & f as a teenager. He won the 800m title at the Stawell Gift in 2010. In 2012 he finished 3rd in the prestigious 120m Stawell Gift final. He won the 2014 Burnie Gift.

  18. Barracking for Collingwood AND the umpires. Doubly cursed.
    Envious of your close and brawling family life. Great stuff. Well played.

  19. Mathilde de Hauteclocque says

    Presuming Uncle Adam is not up tonight to give favours from the boundary. Well … hoping anyway.
    Lovely images here Luke.

Leave a Comment