Round 13 – Melbourne v Collingwood (Floreat Pica Society): King’s Birthday match report

 

 

 

I say that thoroughbred racing is the sport of kings, but not this weekend, it’s all about the footy!  This year the Kings Birthday weekend celebrates the Kings of Footy, on a heavy track – the Monarch of MND & Motivation, King Neale of the Danihers, and the Mighty Magpie Monarch, King Daicos The First!   Oh, and some bloke called Charlie keeps getting mentioned, I’m not sure if he’s connected to our 90s premiership legend Charlie Manson, the Brownlow guy or some other mob.

 

Speaking of Kings, given Queen Lizzie’s record of longevity was the equivalent of Pendles and Crispy’s footy longevity combined, I’ve not had too many famous Kings in my lifetime.  First one I recall was the King of Television, Graham Kennedy, I often quote his crow call when I disagree with an umpiring decision!  King Curtis is another that springs to mind, ‘baddie’ 70s wrestler turned ‘goodie’, a bit like ‘howe’ Jeremy went from the Dees to the Pies. King Wally Lewis is another that has an instant recall, especially given his reference in one of my fave Late Show skits in the 90s –   But, in Melbourne town it’s all about the King of Moomba, my faves were King Louie (1981), King Anthony (1991) and King Michael (2011).

 

It’s the most traditional of rivals that hit the G on Kings Birthday Monday to honour King Neale and his Big Freeze.  Words alone cannot do justice to his incredible attitude and impact over the past 11 years, he is deservedly the Australian of the Year and such an inspiration – if you haven’t seen his ‘Unfiltered’ interview from last Wednesday, ‘do yourself a favour’ as Molly the Aussie Icon and King of Moomba (1985 and 2010) says.

 

Speaking of inspiration of another kind, it’s an absolute highlight to see the our Magpie Monarch honoured to go down the slide this year.  With the theme of ‘Iconic Australians’ surely the Macedonian Marvel should’ve just donned the big mullet wig and the number 35 jumper and went as himself?!  As well as King Daicos The First, there are others from the Daicii* Reign that are represented today.  The heirs to the throne, Princes Joshua and Nicholas, are on the frontline today to do battle with the commoners from the Melbourne Demons.

 

*Thanks to Patrick for previously proclaiming the plural of Daicii.

 

I mull over the match ups today.  The Pies side has two compulsory outs, the unlucky Schultz with another injury and Lippa is out after Meek decided it was ‘off with his head’ last week.  McStay returns and will support Cameron against the goliath Gawn.  Whilst Coxy has struggled this season, he grows an extra leg against Gawn and competes strongly with his extra height, so pre-game I ponder whether we made the right choice of McStay over Cox. The Dees have found some form in recent times and if Gawn, Petracca, Oliver, May, Lever, Kozzy and Fritsch can find their best form and kick straight, they May put up a bold showing.  With Collingwood’s number 4 missing his second game in a row, it’ll be interesting to see who the Dees supporters boo during the game.  Our other IN is obviously a nod to the Royals with ‘William The Third’ Hayes back for his second game as he joins ‘William the First’ Hoskin-Elliott and ‘William the Second’ Frampton on this big day.  ‘Edward’ Allan is one I’m really watching today after his great improvement the past few weeks, and it’s disappointing that we couldn’t find a spot for ‘Charlies’ West and Dean to round out a royal good side.

 

This year I’m watching the game from the warmth of the lounge room of friends Caz and Nick.  I had entered a competition to win two tickets to a Corporate Box with King Daics himself, but sadly I didn’t get the call on Friday.   Nick’s a mad Magpie (and has a great first name) so I’m in friendly territory as the two of us settle in for the pre-game, as our Queens pop the sparkling wine corks and chat in the kitchen.  It looks as cold outside of Neale’s icy pool as it does inside it.  In the tradition of a Melbourne game I ponder which red wine to take to share with our cheese platter.  Given the big freeze conditions I decide on a nice Mulled Wine and settle in next to the open fire.

 

 

With the Sliders doing their stuff and then the great moment of both teams honouring King Neale with a guard of honour, it was finally game time.  With 77K in the house, clearly a few Dees fans decided that the snow at Hotham was too good to refuse, as the game kicked off on a heavy track in cold and wet conditions.  The first quarter was a real arm wrestle and the Dees set the scene early with their tactics of the peasant Langdon and his impersonation of a Back Pack that Prince Nicholas had to carry around at each bounce.  It’s at this stage that I did my first Graham Kennedy impersonation directed to the umpires.  What on earth were these four Jokers in yellow doing watching the obvious and outrageous holding of a player with both arms wrapped around him time after time?  After about 10 obvious infringements, one of them was finally paid as a free kick and I was hopeful that it would put a stop to it (the narrator pipes up now and says “but it didn’t!”).   It was a very defensive quarter, Gawn was on top with hit outs and the Dees were killing us at clearances but our defence was standing tall repelling most attacks.   Set shot goals for the Dees to Sparrow and some bloke with a name that sounds like a cough medicine (Koltyn Tholstrup), were matched by goals to McStay with an early confidence booster and the man of the month, Jamie Elliott.  Bobby Hill in his 100^th game looked to have put us in front with a long shot at goal and shooshes the crowd, but unfortunately Big Max Gawn, and sadly not the Cadel Evans version of Mini Max, gets up high to touch it right on the line.  It’s all square at quarter time 2.2.14 apiece.

 

The Dees start the second quarter with a bang as a Kozzy miskick off the ground somehow does a Warnie leg break and goes through the open goal.  At the next bounce, a masterful Pendles matrix move and a handball to McCreery saw him run like Grease lightning and bang a long goal from outside 50 to square the Ledger. The defensive arm wrestle continued until Steele Slidebottom banged through another long bomb 50 metre goal and young Will Hayes kicks his first AFL goal after a 50 metre penalty.  A Kozzy goal and then a Membrey goal on the siren sees the Pies up by 8 points at the half.   The backline has been great so far with Howe outstanding in the air and intercepting, Prince Joshua and IQ also great with their rebound.  Similarly, the Dees’ backline is on top with May and Lever marking plenty with our long bombs into F50.  It’s time to regroup and out comes the cheese platter, party pies and home made sausage rolls (it’s a long way to the shop if you want a sausage roll, on a public holiday).

 

The third quarter starts well for the Pies as Checkers and Long kick early goals to put us out to a 20 point lead.  As has happened often this season, we’ve taken the opposition’s best punches in the first half and it looks like we’re about to exert our authority.  But the plucky Dees fight back with two goals and then goals to Bobby Hill and Petty late in the quarter see us 7 points up at ¾ time.  Cameron has been doing a great job around the ground with strong marks but was feeling Thor after a knee to the head that saw the claret flowing and off for the blood rule.  It was concerning to see the Dees take a few contested marks up forward for two goals.

 

The Dees start hot with a classy angle goal from Fritsch after a rare Billy Frampton clanger.  But Prince Nicholas shows he’s a worthy future King with a strong tackle and with a 50 metre penalty kicks an important goal.   Fritsch gets another goal and looks like getting another one but IQ launches a great tackle to spoil him and saves a certain goal.  The ever dangerous Kozzy snaps a goal and the Dees are all of a sudden in front by a goal and with all the momentum.    But, these Pies are the kings of the close ones and a few minutes later a long Long bomb into an unusually open Pies forward line sees Dan McStay take a huge strong contested mark 20 metres out and he converts for his second goal to put the Pies back in front by a point at the 16 minute mark.  The arm wrestle continues for the next 15 minutes with two points each.  With forty seconds to go big Max took another intercept mark deep in the Pies forward pocket.  But a shanked kick into the corridor saw King William Hoskin-Elliott mark to ensure there’d be no treason today and the Royal Pies prevail.  As a side note, why on earth WHE didn’t take his full 30 seconds and kick the goal to make it a 7 point win is beyond me.

 

It was an emotional day, a high pressure game and a heart-stopping finish and old Smokin Steven May couldn’t help himself having a crack at his skipper, it’s fair to say that it was a Mad Max who had a spray back as both of them took the Long Walk off to the loser’s rooms.  There was much conjecture of Back Pack Langdon’s job on Prince Nicholas, sure Nick only had 19 disposals, 1 goal, 15 pressure acts and 431 metres gained, but Langdon had 4 measly possessions and they missed his Wing Attack.  But in the end it was just like Shazza trying to win Warnie’s heart, it was a try-hard effort but no match for a class act.

 

In the wash up, it was a 2022-23 type heart-stopping win instead of what was looking mid third quarter like it was going to be a 2025 big second half win.  We did it with a great defence, and with most of our mids and forwards down on their best form.  Bring on the bye and let’s reload for a big second half of season 2025 fit and firing!  Go Pies.

 

 

I mulled over the votes and you might not agree and be cheesed off about them, but I don’t want to hear you wine about them.

 

2 – Prince Joshua – incredible use of the ball setting up plenty of forward thrusts.

2 – Lord Howe – the general of the backline with plenty of saving intercept marks, spoils and exits out of D50.

1 – Steele Slidebottom – had the surest hands on the ground in the wet and pressure conditions and his composure and disposal efficiency was elite.

1 – IQ – not far behind Josh in his great rebound out of D50 and some great defensive efforts.

Others worthy of mention, Pendles, Crispy and Ned.

 

And it’s time for some DRs –

3 – The Holding on Prince Nicholas – what a disgraceful umpiring performance. Imagine how many free kicks Cripps or Curnow would’ve got!

2 – The holding the ball rule and interpretation is cooked, it’s just chooklotto , both ways.

1 – The insufficient intent rule and interpretation is cooked, see above.

 

PS. I think I got a reference in to all the sliders ;-)

 

MELBOURNE          2.2     4.6     7.8     10.11     (71)
COLLINGWOOD     2.2     6.2     9.3     11.6     (72)

GOALS
Melbourne: Pickett 3, Fritsch 3, Sparrow, Tholstrop, Melksham, Petty
Collingwood: McStay 2, Sidebottom, Mihocek, Membrey, McCreery, Long, Hill, Hayes, Elliott, N.Daicos

BEST
Melbourne: Gawn, Oliver, Pickett, May, Petracca
Collingwood: J.Daicos, Howe, Sidebottom, Pendlebury, N.Daicos

INJURIES
Melbourne: Nil
Collingwood: Nil

SUBSTITUTES
Melbourne: Caleb Windsor (replaced Lindsay in the third term)
Collingwood: Will Hoskin-Elliott (replaced Allan in the fourth term)

Crowd: 77,761 at the MCG

 

Read more Floreat Pica Society reports HERE.

 

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