Round 10 – Pards’ Preview: Richmond v Essendon – Dreamtime Match, Where Dreams May Come True

 

 

I remember when Richmond supporters dumped a truck load of manure outside the ground then called talk radio to microwave their membership tickets live on air. When they went to games their favourite pastime was booing Richo.

 

Some Essendon supporters are now in the same space. They are an embarrassment to the jumper. They squib being a supporter at the first sign of a taunt from the opposition. Rather than make fun of Luke Parker they turn on their own team. How weak is that? We don’t need these kind of supporters. Get rid of them. Tell them to go and barrack for Carlton or Collingwood or some other no-hopers.

 

The Richmond supporters are good now and are optimistic for one more flag. Even though the greedy moneyed-men have dammed punt Road, and the crops and cattle are dying they have faith that the mythical gun slinger will return to save the day. The best man on the ground in each of their three flags is polishing up his pearl handled pistols and snapping them in and out of their holsters faster than the eye can see.

 

If Dusty enters the arena on Grand Final Day and helps the good folk of Richmond get one more flag he will be the greatest hero in entertainment history. Greater than Alan Ladd in Shane, greater than Dean Martin in Rio Bravo, even greater than The Pie in National Velvet.

 

But for all that to happen, the Tigers must overcome the Bombers this week. Last time we played against each other the script had two endings. First, Essendon trailing by 22 points in the last quarter kicked 4 straight and were about to win the game, but then on the next page none of that was mentioned and Richmond won by 6 goals.

 

Suspicious of this fake plot twist, I did some research and discovered on Twitter that the AFL purchased a buggy Netflix script engine for the empty stadium games and its still running. If you watch carefully you can still see the bug but because umpires now randomly award free kicks and 50 metre penalties every 42 seconds hardly anyone notices.

 

This morning I ran my own simulation on a script engine I pulled out of an old Apple TV and its bad news for Richmond. In my version of dreamtime the comeback kid takes a hit (as per Paul Newman in Hombre) and red blood seeps out onto the yellow sash. The reddening of the sash is taken as a sign by the three wise monkeys sitting on the right hand of God and so it comes to pass that in Round 10 the Almighty creates a new Essendon era and looks down at his work and sees that it is good.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Prediction: Essendon wins by 8 points and goes on to win 3 flags in 4 years.

 

Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a dream

 

 

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Comments

  1. Colin Ritchie says

    Surely they can’t play as bad as that again, can they? Like you I’m still positive about prospects but it’s time to blood the young blokes and see if they are up to it.It will be interesting to see what changes to the team are made.

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