Round 1 – Brisbane v Port Adelaide: Fort on world record pace (briefly) as the Lions fly home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Life, although it may only be an accumulation of anguish, is dear to me, and I will defend it.”

 

I always pull Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein off the shelf for a re-read when Brisbane meet Port Power in a game of significance. Round 1 in a year in which both clubs have quiet but genuine designs of grabbing a Grand Final berth is a game of significance. Depending on how one measures history, both clubs are entering their twenty-sixth season this year. But both clubs also carry deeper histories, of the SANFL Magpies and that of the VFL’s old Fitzroy. Even a quarter of a century down the track, I can still imagine Dr Ross “Frankenstein” Oakley inserting Fitzroy’s license into the hands of the Port Power board and then rubbing his hands together at the thought of Gavin Wanganeen in teal and saying “It’s alive… It’s alive…”  Up the road a bit at the newly merged Brisbane, one can imagine seasoned Bears like Voss wondering “what kind of people [are we now] comprised?” as the transplanted vital organs from Fitzroy – Chris Johnson, Brad Boyd et all started kitting up in the locker room.

 

“I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe.

If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other.”

 

We biologically share something with Port. That’s my point. There’s a hate there that is born of kinship. A level of anger we feel for them that can only be provoked by a sibling. Over the past quarter of a century, we seem to have risen and fallen according to the same waves, occupying similar positions in the ladder. It was they who stopped our three-peat becoming four on that last day in September in 2004. One could perhaps look back in anger at Dr Victor ‘Andrew’ Demetriou for his social engineering that saw Brisbane at ‘home’ for their MCG preliminary final against Geelong. The compound interest on that anger could be exponentialized if one considered that the game was also scheduled on a Saturday night, not an afternoon, effectively giving the Power an extra day to rejuvenate and prepare. But that would be churlish; three flags is a pretty soft cushion for such anger to land on.

 

“A mind of moderate capacity which closely pursues one study

must infallibly arrive at great proficiency in that study.”

 

The Lions have acquired ruck Darcy Fort from Geelong this year, who doesn’t just add another unheralded Cat to our team (see: Linc McCarthy) but another Darcy to the locker-room. Ladies, forget Colin Firth’s Mr Darcy emerging dripping wet from a lake in a see-through button-down chambray, if you really want to swoon may I suggest watching this new Mr Darcy’s two first quarter goals repeatedly. I think, based on this first quarter, that Jane Austen would agree that this new Darcy, who looks uncannily like the ’90s Aussie tennis journeyman Richard Fromberg, adds a great deal to the Lions forward line. It is a shame that almost two centuries of time separated Jane Austen from every knowing of Richard Fromberg, Joe Daniher and Robbie Gray. Or from ever seeing Lachie Jones’ mullet. One feels they would have inspired her literature in ways we will sadly never know. As a society, we are poorer for it.

 

Earlier this week the Acting Education Minister made headlines by linking the drop in average standardised test scores over recent years to ‘dud teachers’ with poor proficiency in literacy and numeracy. Teachers were predictably a little miffed. I reacted in what I think is a more proactive way, rather than writing a pointed letter to ‘The Age’ I turned to Austen and Shelley as inspiration for this match report. I’m not a maths teacher but also want to keep the numerate part of my brain nimble and active. I did some calculations at quarter time about what we can reasonably expect from Darcy Fort over the season, based on his two first quarter goals.

 

Let ‘x’ represent these two goals. For this formula, please assume our new Mr Darcy plays every game in a twenty-two-round season. Please also know that there are four quarters in a game – this may be self-evident to anyone who understands the meaning of the word ‘quarter’:

 

4x                 =          8

22 x 8              =          176

 

So, at quarter time, I was reasonably confident that Darcy Fort was mathematically on track for a 176-goal home and away season. Assuming the Lions do make the Grand Final, that would mean three finals. Let y = Mr Fort’s average goals per game for season 2022.

 

3y = 24

 

So, to calculate his expected yield for the entire season, one simply adds the expected totals:

 

176 + 24 = 200

 

 

The Lions gave the Cats Pick 50 and a future third-round selection in exchange for Fort and Pick 41. Suffice to say, and it wasn’t just the fact that our ‘beef with cashew nuts’ and ‘large special fried rice’ had just been delivered, I was feeling pretty content with things at quarter time.

 

It’s a rusty sort of game thereafter – balls kicked out on the full, fifty metre penalties. Robbo smashed and bashes, somehow at once keeping the Lions in the game while racking up errors. Mary Shelley would have liked Robbo – “What can stop the determined heart and resolved will of man?” Port drift in front, Boak and Houston must be giving Fages the same thoughts they are giving me – we have a problem. Dr Victor Frankenstein, in the creation of his creature wanted to “renew life where death had apparently devoted the body to corruption.” The medical staff of both Brisbane and Port were on a similar mission as injuries started piling up. Zorko is subbed out with a foot injury. Robbie Gray’s knee may be an issue, but he, like Daniel Rich is strapped up and lasts the game. Duursma and McKenzie are taken off. Both benches are starting to resemble the gothic slaughter-houses that Frankenstein scavenged.

 

The Lions have become a bit of a refuge for players deemed surplus to Geelong’s needs. Linc McCarthy is arguably our most important and versatile player and Cockatoo mark 2022 may just be the bull our midfield has lacked. With Darcy Fort in Bob Pratt-like form – for one quarter anyway – long may these discards wash up on our shores.

 

 

 

BRISBANE              2.2    4.6    6.10    11.14 (80)
PORT ADELAIDE     1.1    5.4    9.7     10.9 (69)

 

GOALS
Brisbane: Daniher 4, Fort, McCarthy 2, Bailey, Cameron, McInerney
Port Adelaide: Houston 2, Amon, Boak, Drew, Georgiades, Marshall, Motlop, Powell-Pepper, Rozee

 

BEST
Brisbane: Neale, Adams, Bailey, Daniher, McCarthy, Answerth, Berry
Port Adelaide: Houston, Amon, Boak, Burton, Butters, Wines

 

Crowd: 25,100 at the Gabba

 

 

Read more Round 1 reports HERE

 

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