Perth Test – Day 3: Teeing Off

Australia 385 and 235 for 3 (Warner 112, Rogers 54) lead England 251 (Siddle 3-36, Harris 3-48) by 369 runs


One wonders what it must be like to play a round of golf with players from this touring England side.

You can picture it now.

They’re on the 5th hole. Cook is shaping up to drive but continually pulls away at the slightest hint of movement on an adjacent green; Prior won’t shut up despite continually missing the fairway and then three-putting every hole; Pietersen keeps trying a ‘Happy Gilmore’ style run-up every 2 or 3 drives and gets mad at himself every time it doesn’t work and this is all while Broad sits smugly behind the wheel of the cart, eventually scooting off while the others set off on foot. Of course when they get to the green, Cook realises that he was aiming for where the pin was the day before…after making the same mistake the day earlier.

There have certainly been less talented sides to tour here, but if there has been a more dour, cynical bunch come through customs in the last 25 years then I certainly don’t remember it.

At no stage has this England side lived up to its side of the bargain. At the start of each day’s play I have been expecting them to live up to their averages and reputations but through a combination of a lack of planning, luck, respect for the opposition and just plain old ticker, they have continually fallen short.

Day 3 in Perth was a triumph of Australian will and was also confirmation that English spirits are broken.

With the major wickets having been claimed on Day 2, we all knew that there was only batsman who could have the skill and temperament to bat for a long period. After being a walking wicket in 2005 and 06/07, Ian Bell has emerged as a player to be respected (despite what the channel 9 team would have you believe). No wonder then that when he was given out LBW to Harris, the Aussies seemed as happy as a pom with a bowlful of goji berries.

Geez he seemed unlucky though. Does Hawkeye really know how bouncy Perth is? Never mind. As Jobe Watson learned, the west isn’t high on sympathy so on his bike he went.

That wicket triggered a collapse of 6-51. The Aussie bowlers were superb, with Johnson’s toe crusher of Broad the highlight. At least now that he’s in a moonboot, he won’t have to worry about those pesky shoe laces that keep coming undone at the most unfortunate times (ie 1 minute before lunch)

With the Aussies having 141 runs to play with and the pitch still fast but fairly true, the scene was set for D Warner and he didn’t disappoint. He now averages 78.8 at the ground and he was keen to put Prior in his place after receiving some early advice from behind the stumps. Whether that advice contained the phrase ‘keep low and watch the ball into your gloves’ is questionable, given that Prior could’ve stumped him twice, but regardless it seemed to fire Warner up enough to blast a hundred.

When Davey got there, he made sure that Prior saw the badge of the front of his helmet. He didn’t really need to do that, but geez it must be easy to sit behind the stumps and yap.

Maybe England will show some fight over the next two days. We keep hearing that these are players from a ‘golden generation’. We keep hearing about the series that they’ve won previously. We keep hearing that Cook, Bell, Pietersen, Prior, Swann and Anderson will go down as ‘all time greats’.

Well… let’s see it.

About Andrew Else

Andrew has self-reported to this site as a lifetime Essendon supporter. He also played local footy for Lara and Melbourne Uni Blacks.


  1. Peter Flynn says

    Brilliant 5th hole description Andrew.

    Most of the senior pros have turned it up.


  2. Malcolm Ashwood says

    Fantastic desciption and so spot on like you I have kept thinking they will fight back but from , 0 85 to fall over yet again was incredible the karma bus has certainly arrived were we got so many bad decisions over there and it has turned , Root wasn’t out and I thought , Bell was unlucky too . Prior couldn’t have caught the bus let alone the ball yest
    I thought it was , Gerrant Jones reincarnated . Now let’s see if there is any fight left in them . If any , 1 had said we will have reclaimed the ashes after the 3rd test not even ,
    Hanse Cronje in his prime would have backed it ! Thanks Andrew

  3. Yep, Andrew, that golfing scenarion is all too easy to imagine. Great work.
    Love to hear your take on the Aussies playing that same hole around early-July.
    Both sides very fragile.
    Emotional resilience quotient not too high.
    Bodies of men, minds of chil’un.

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