Overheard at the Grace Darling: Primary criteria for the Assumption College Team of the Century

 

 

Assumption College was famous in the old days. And still is. Even a Queensland Lutheran like me had heard of Assumption College. It had a reputation affirmed by a tag long before tags and hashtags were invented. Was the tag something like, “That great football nursery, Assumption College?”

So Assumption is announcing a team of the century.

I’ve learnt that criteria are very strict (in the tradition of the discipline handed out at the august institution).

A bloke in a pub told me that, even before footy talent and performance are taken into consideration, to even be considered for the Assumption College Team of the Century, you have to be able to prove that in your family there is:

A link to the First Fleet
Two priests
A signed copy of Power Without Glory
A current felon
A votive light
A card-carrying member of the IRA
A nun
Seven publicans
Three bookmakers
A Best of Point of View video
A sacred heart of Jesus picture
A link to the Fine Cotton affair
Someone involved in a mission (at least as a caretaker) in New Guinea (preferably West Highlands)
Two years on the Ruby Red Port at your local parish school
Papers explaining why you and seven of your brothers were booted out of your previous school

 

Funny thing was that excluded absolutely no-one.

More on the Assumption event on February 28. http://ack.org.au/

 

I hope it’s a cracking night.

John Harms (a victim of the Reformation)

 

 

 

About John Harms

JTH is a writer, publisher, speaker, historian. He is publisher and contributing editor of The Footy Almanac and footyalmanac.com.au. He has written columns and features for numerous publications. His books include Confessions of a Thirteenth Man, Memoirs of a Mug Punter, Loose Men Everywhere, Play On, The Pearl: Steve Renouf's Story and Life As I Know It (with Michelle Payne). He appears on ABCTV's Offsiders. He can be contacted [email protected] He is married to The Handicapper and has three kids - Theo13, Anna11, Evie10. He might not be the worst putter in the world but he's in the worst three. His ambition is to lunch for Australia.

Comments

  1. A signed copy of Power Without Glory!?!?! Mannix and Santamaria would be rolling in their respective graves!

    Good to see the selection criteria has been relaxed…

  2. Signed by John Wren…

  3. Dave Brown says

    SP bookies accepted?

  4. Get your facts right Harmsy. Its not the IRA, its “The New IRA”.

    IRA is sooooo 1990s.

    I didn’t go to Assumption but I’d go close to qualifying. The Power Without Glory thing and Fine Cotton would rule me out.

  5. Phillip Dimitriadis says

    “It had a reputation affirmed by a tag long before tags and hashtags were invented.” Very funny.
    They must have been progressive if they had a Nun in the ranks. Sure she was a woman?

  6. Sounds as though it will be a Cracking night John. Enjoy the potcheen.
    Was it Dominic , Brendan or Father Bob u met in the pub?
    Not sure if the Coach has to have the same family credentials as the players.
    Surely Ray Carroll would be worthy of a nomination as Coach.
    Did Ned Kelly attend AC?

  7. My treasured first edition copy of Power Without Glory came from my grandad. He was a Freemason???
    Maybe he was trying to understand the workings of Satan by proxy?

  8. And if you hadn’t served as an Altar Boy you have no hope of making the team. Although I suspect some of those records may have gone missing.

  9. I attended ACK along with my 2 brothers. So did my dad and his brother. My grandpa (the publican) captained the first XVIII and I think I can tick off most of the qualifying criteria.
    The only thing stopping me from being nominated is a single word
    ABILITY!!!!!
    Ray Carroll recognised that when he first laid eyes on me. He was a good judge and in the last 30 years I have failed to prove his judgement wrong.
    Ero Ero
    Ero rum

  10. Chris Stiegler says

    Hilarious.

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