Australian Open: Oh Bernie

As most readers would know by now Bernard Tomic once again pulled the pin during his first round match at the Australian Open.  This time it was against Rafael Nadal.  Little Tommy claimed he had a strained groin which he had hurt the previous day in practice.  Some people may be willing to give the Tank Engine the benefit of the doubt, but here at Middle Australia we aren’t.

We believe the explanation is a ruse and was a set up to make an excuse to pull out of his match against Nadal.  If you can’t finish a match you can claim you were playing so well and had a real chance if only this damned injury didn’t let me down.  See Tomic’s press interview for further clarification.  If the Tomic’s groin was really strained in practice why didn’t he have a scan immediately after to see if there was a risk of further injury if he played against Nadal?  It’s easy to do and footy clubs do it all the time.  The risk of further injury was one of the reasons Tomic cited for not playing on last night.  The cynics amongst us would say Tomic didn’t have an injury in the first place.

We could write a lengthy diatribe on Tomic’s shortcomings, but rather we have bastardised one hit wonder, Toni Basil’s, song ‘Mickey’ and renamed it ‘Bernie’.

The Chairman

Oh, Bernie, you’re not so fine
You should be fined, you blow my mind
Hey, Bernie
Hey, Bernie

You’ve been around a fifth of the night
And that’s a little short
You think you’ve got the right
But the public think you’ve got it wrong
Why can’t you say you’re contrite
So we can stay home, Bernie

‘Cause when you say you will
It always means you won’t
You’re givin’ me the shits, Bernie
Please, Bernie don’t
Every match you still let us down, Bernie

Oh, Bernie, what a pity
You don’t understand
You don’t even have heart
When you take the racquet by the hand
Oh, Bernie, you’re so lazy
Can’t you understand
It’s guys like you, Bernie
Oh, what you do, Bernie, do, Bernie
Don’t waste our time, Bernie

Hey, Bernie

Now when you must take the boos
We’re all ever gonna know
And every time you cruise
It becomes more of a show
There’s something you can use
Wo don’t say no, Bernie

So come on and grow a heart anyway you can
Anyway you want to do it
You need one like a man
Oh, please Bernie, please
Please give a damn, Bernie



  1. Superb.

  2. Spot on Middle Australia. Llil Lleyton may have been difficult to love, but at least he never dogged it.

  3. Malcolm Ashwood says

    Correct weight and all clear Middle Australia

  4. Mark 'Swish' Schwerdt says

    Bernie’s new theme song

  5. Phil Dimitriadis says

    30 grand for 30 minutes work? That’s 300 lap dances in air conditioned comfort. I think the kid’s smart. Good luck to you Bernie!

  6. Troy Hancox says

    that effort was totally UN Australian……..
    end of rant!

    Hewitt fights to the end….. That is Australian…..

    PS. Pat Rafter looked good tonight in the doubles, at 41 he can still show those punks tonight how to play!

  7. Peter Schumacher says

    The Bulgarian competitor saw it out against Stosur and she looked a bloody side more inconvenienced than the Tank. Also I didn’t see any overt carry on about it either.

  8. And here comes a contrary view:

    I’m a Tomic fan and I thought he made the right decision. Through the first set you could see that his game was compromised by the injury. He probably should not have played at all but he gave it a shot. Rafa was playing him all over the court and Tomic was keeping up, albeit under noticeable injury discomfort. If he continued there it was very likely that he could have sustained a worse injury and been out of action for longer.

    Is his commitment to carry on playing one match or to play as much of the year as possible fully fit and on top of his game? I reckon that’s a no-brainer. I want Tomic fit, focussed and on top of his game. And in the Top 10. He wasn’t going to achieve that if he kept playing that particular game.


    I did like the Mickey/Bernie parady :)

  9. The basis problem is this . Tomic is 21, drives a Ferrari, has shits loads of money so why does he give a shit if he is annoys fans and pulls out. As the great Philosopher West Coast Dave said to me this arvo, we want our sports start to reflect some hero status when they are just people who have very different agenda. So we get the shits when they don’t meet our ideals of whatever a sports hero is. Read the same for the 20/20 mercenaries. Why put in the hard yard and maybe get a baggy green cap, or slog it like Micky Mantle and pick $500K for 6 weeks tip and run in India. mmmmmm what a conundrum. However, Tomic is still a cock with or without a tennis racket

  10. uXFvkmGIruZgisFnngpC64cyG72xxqd9s42kMhmGiZM. says

    I disagree about expecting hero status from sports stars Tony . But I think the public expect a reasonable attitude and effort. A bit of respect goes a long way. Most of us learn that life is a two way street and there are few shortcuts even for the talented. Tomic shows little respect for others and I suspect he will either learn too late or not at all.

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