(An ode to Kevin Bartlett and the Rules Committee)
by Michael Viljoen
(Sung to the tune of Just the Way You Are – B. Joel)
Don’t go changing the rushed behind rule
We’ll try to keep the ball in play, Mmm
Sometimes I fumble across the goal line
Disguised in my own precious way
Don’t wait as lab-coats wave their surrender
Kick it in and catch them off their guard, Mmm
Place your hands gently between his numbers
But keep the rules the way they are
Don’t go trialing a new substitute rule
They’ve taken interchange too far, Mmm
Taking possession from the ruck duel
Doesn’t do nobody harm
I don’t want clever interpretation
Call my advantage, I’ll say, “ta”, Mmm
It’s in the spirit to let the game flow
So keep the rules the way they are
(Bridge)
How long for prior opportunity?
As if Kevin Bartlett even knew
Even as a player you changed the rules, KB
You couldn’t stop at one or two
Keep play in motion, that’s the agenda
Make changes plain, we’re not that smart, Mmm
While on the subject, here’s my suggestion
Just keep the rules the way they are
I don’t want clever interpretation
Make changes plain, we’re not that smart, Mmm
Last quarter comeback, throw away the whistle
But keep the rules the way they are
About Michael Viljoen
Michael was born in the Nelson Mandela Bay area, the same as Siya Kolisi, the successful World Cup winning Springbok captain, but was raised in Melbourne with a love for Australian Rules. He has worked as a linguist in Africa with Wycliffe Bible Translators Australia, where he wrote a booklet on the history of Cameroon's Indomitable Lions, which was translated into several Cameroonian languages.
I liked it just the way it was too Michael. Now they want to make the game shorter. I’ll bet they don’t drop the prices, eh?
The paradox about the concern that quarters are lasting too long, is that one rarely sees a reference to the major reason – that the post-goal television break has been extended to 45 seconds (or longer). With a six goal quarter (to be conservative), there’s a minute and a half added to the elapsed time of each quarter, without any adjustment to the 20 minutes playing time per quarter.
At matches, you can sense the crowd’s frustration as the umpire waits for the (delayed) signal, that the commercial has concluded, and the producer has been able to slip in a few seconds replay of the goal.