Hawthorn Fans

Remarkably, not one Hawthorn fan has chosen to send in a report of the 2013 Grand Final. I’m not sure what this indicates (although I’m sure a few of you are happy to speculate). While I am tempted to leave that section of The Footy Almanac 2013 – four white pages being a good way of remembering the 2013 premiership – I’m not into challenging the gods who place football curses.

About John Harms

JTH is a writer, publisher, speaker, historian. He is publisher and contributing editor of The Footy Almanac and footyalmanac.com.au. He has written columns and features for numerous publications. His books include Confessions of a Thirteenth Man, Memoirs of a Mug Punter, Loose Men Everywhere, Play On, The Pearl: Steve Renouf's Story and Life As I Know It (with Michelle Payne). He appears (appeared?) on ABCTV's Offsiders. He can be contacted [email protected] He is married to The Handicapper and has three school-age kids - Theo, Anna, Evie. He might not be the worst putter in the world but he's in the worst three. His ambition was to lunch for Australia but it clashed with his other ambition - to shoot his age.


  1. As a Hawthorn supporter who attended the game I would well be able to write a report but, for such an auspicious and most important report to be written, I would not consider myself worthy or able to translate the euphoria into a centrepiece for Almanac consideration.

    I was expecting Kaney to submit his thoughts.

    As no other reports have been received I will give it a crack and submit one in a couple of hours or so.

  2. JTH – its hedge clipping season in leafy Hawthorn. They’re all flat out.

  3. This years Grand Final was one for the ages, played under perfect conditions the two sides treated the 100,000 screaming Hawthorn fans to a footballing feast the like of which we will never forget.
    Both sides were able to combine to score a massive 47 points to half time which left the fans screaming for more. After the long break which saw the crowd popping away to a nice up and coming band that should really try for the X Factor they could win it if they go decent hair cuts and shopped at The Iconic. Fremantle stormed back into the contest and just when it looked like the Dockers may just take the lead, the finals best performer for the mighty Hawks Matthew Nicholls stepped up when our sided needed him most a single-handily swung the momentum back towards the Mayblooms and the game was safe and the magnificent MustardPots were once again the last team left standing, securing our 11th flag but only our second since the AFL got rid of the totally fair zoning system

  4. I was at the game.

    I’ve just recovered.

    I could pen something.


  5. John, you ruled out thousands of Hawthorn fans by asking for those who could hold a crayon…
    I’d ask my mate to do it, but he’d just write carn the hawks, then ask me to write the rest for him.

  6. jth, I could but I can”t. I’m a life long hawks bloke live in Sydney and despise evil. spent grand final week in Albury watching the 13s and 14s going around in the state trials then of to the GF with the lad. Tickets none for under $1000 watch the game at our hosts enjoy the win then drive 11 hours home. So write your own. Don

  7. Don, I reckon you might have a yarn to tell there. Dare I say the narrative of the weekend would be interesting, and the editorial, would be compelling. I’m keen to hear more about the evil. I can’t understand the evil until its nature is conveyed. So I can’t write my own, but would like to hear yours.

  8. Very revealing Harmsie. Dips could well be on the money, but it may runner than that. An early hibernation after repetitive replay viewings? Immediate medical intervention advised.

  9. Sean Gorman says

    Leave it blank! It is how I and the Purple pilot light of hope have been feeling.

  10. Andrew Else says

    Hmm…something about reaping and sowing?

  11. Glen Potter says

    Hawks supporters are an interesting bunch. Some say spoilt. I hear privileged, even arrogant and obnoxious. Too easy it is to slander the old leafy areas of the inner east. The citizens there are ineffectual in a footy sense, but naturally of their own accord, possess a sense of their own entitlement. “Oh we won did we? Bravo, Mayblooms!” But don’t expect a fervent, well-conceived, submission to this website from anyone just east of the Yarra. If you dig a little deeper you’ll find a greater evil at play – the brown and gold, outer south-eastern sprawl. Let’s call it the Waverley experiment. The Waverley experiment is sinister in that it embodies a burgeoning middle-class of 80s-exposed, success-drunk support. I’m not talking about their fiscally-spoiled fellows from the inner-east now. They’re old glory. No, it’s the new breed of brown and gold that raises my ire – The ‘Proud, Impassionate and Paid-up’. The Gen-Xs, who gorged themselves on a diet of Brereton, Dunstall, Buckenara and Platten, and drank regularly from the premiership cup, are now bloated but still sated from the spoils of the feast. Has there been a famine? Why should they want to proclaim their glorious season? Is it necessary to broadcast another Hawthorn triumph? So here we have our problem. Success has come to them all too regularly. They are the most successful side in the Big Dance – 11 flags since 1961. Flags, pff! Each decade has been like a progressive dinner since the 60s. Make room for another chalice. And herein lays the apathy. “Well done, Hawks. That was an enjoyable season. I must steam-press my suit, it’s Guineas’ weekend. Oh, has Buddy moved on? Ah, well. Good luck, Lance. Oh honey, we’re off to The Heath!”.
    Are we seeing the bourgeois-effect of the Waverley experiment? Do they now hold a similar sense of entitlement as their well-heeled brethren from leafy Glenferrie? The obvious answer is yes. There’s no fanfare required when you hold a sense of entitlement, just expectation. ‘It is what it is,’ has become a popular phrase in AFL circles in 2013. I’m sure that phrase has been used with a matter-of-fact sincerity by some Hawthorn supporters since the GF. What’s the point of grandstanding when things invariably go your way? Can we not find a scribe to provide even the most immodest recount? Where’s the chest-expanding salute to a great side? It’s thinly-veiled conceit for all of us. Spoiled supporters? I say yes! This unappreciative lot don’t deserve their spoils.
    I’m sorry to say you won’t find any report forthcoming, John. The door has been shut on the 2013 season. They’re all suiting up for a day at Caulfield, ready to piss their money away. Buddy’s gone and so has the season. Sadly, there’ll be four blank pages in the book. They’re a different beast, those of the Waverley experiment.

  12. Neil Anderson says

    I knew there was something I didn’t like about those bored, sated, wees and pooers.
    Except for my friend down at the local supermarket…if you’re reading this.
    Actually even he is a little suss. When I asked him quite jovially if he had a good weekend on the Monday after the grand-final, he yawned and said, ” Ah well, we’ve had a good run. I could’ve handled it OK if we did lose.” I didn’t even ask him about Buddy. He would have said “Ah well, we’ve got Gunston and about six other goal-kickers to take his place. We’ll be right” Yawn.

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