Ground breaking analysis from Round 8

West Coast vs Western Bulldogs

The Doggies almost stole the game from West Coast thanks to defender Josh Kennedy, but the Eagles just held on. Prepare to hear the word “web” on Fox Footy more than you would at an ‘internet for dummies’ workshop.

 

Hawthorn vs Brisbane

Hawthorn only one match off a three-peat now, and a Mitchell was best on ground. Who let this happen?

 

St Kilda vs Carlton

Someone may have said something to someone, who may has spat on someone, before they did something, at some point, somewhere. Wayne Carey is involved, so we can’t expect this news story to turn too scandalous.

 

GWS vs Collingwood

Kelly starred, and has reportedly asked Karmichael Hunt for advice on how to spend his money. Collingwood almost won, but some old bloke kicked the winner for the Giants.

 

Essendon vs Geelong

ORAZIOOOOOOOOOOOO! The only thing missing from this game was BT’s commentary… and Geelong’s tackling. Apparently Geelong got a little confused by the AFL’s 176^th interpretation of the Constitution after Jarrad Waite and Koby Stevens’ suspensions.

 

Adelaide vs Melbourne

The “unbeatable” Crows managed to lose to Melbourne, whose tagging of Rory Sloane really created problems for the Dees’ “team defence”, “structures” and “subway tunnels”. Simon Goodwin’s “brand” seems to be working, although he could switch to Coles brand any week now, on his “journey” through life and the magic garden. Other news to come out of the review of this game is that Clayton Oliver is this year’s Brownlow medallist.

 

Richmond vs Freo

Richmond’s disappointing results in the first five rounds have gradually improved, and they achieved perfection in round 8, providing their supporters with just the right amount of false hope.

 

Gold Coast vs Port Adelaide

I actually went to China for the game, but didn’t see any of it, as I was off getting food and drink. Fortunately, this will be the one and only game in China, due to the government’s one-game policy.

 

North Melbourne vs Sydney

Premiership favourites North Melbourne hosted Sydney, but forgot to come to the party. Their fans meanwhile, continued their proud tradition of booing Sydney’s Indigenous stars for no apparent reason, after Buddy Franklin was allowed to re-take a shot at goal. He missed, and resultantly took out his anger on Sam Durdin, which only intensified the crowd’s anger. Dean Towers wasn’t terrible, so major concerns for North.